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ysobel[AAM comments from 2022 linked to this, and I am baffled at the answer]
Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. For this week’s Thanksgiving edition Dan Kois, a Slate writer and editor, will be filling in as Prudie. [link]
Dear Prudence,
My partner and I celebrate Thanksgiving with their family. Their aunt and uncle host and cook the meal, which they love to do. The issue is that their aunt and uncle are not clean. They pet their dog while cooking and don’t wash their hands. They drop food on the floor and put it back without telling anyone. They cough on the food. The dishes they use are “washed,” but still have food crusted on them. The list goes on.
It seems like they’ve gotten worse over the years. With COVID and the fact that guests have contracted norovirus multiple times in the past after the meal, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m totally grossed out at the idea of eating their food.
How do we deal with this? They won’t give up hosting—and it would still be a problem if they did anyway because they behave this way in other people’s homes. They do not handle criticism well and have a “whatever, it’s fine” attitude about cleaning, in general, so my casual attempts at mentioning food safety have gone nowhere. I don’t think they’ll change their habits no matter what we say, they’ve been like this forever! Thanksgiving is a big deal in my partner’s family and despite the lack of cleanliness, we love getting together with them. We love this aunt and uncle, we just don’t love eating with them. Is there any way to handle this without just saying goodbye to celebrating together?
—Dirty Little Secret
( Read more... )
Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. For this week’s Thanksgiving edition Dan Kois, a Slate writer and editor, will be filling in as Prudie. [link]
Dear Prudence,
My partner and I celebrate Thanksgiving with their family. Their aunt and uncle host and cook the meal, which they love to do. The issue is that their aunt and uncle are not clean. They pet their dog while cooking and don’t wash their hands. They drop food on the floor and put it back without telling anyone. They cough on the food. The dishes they use are “washed,” but still have food crusted on them. The list goes on.
It seems like they’ve gotten worse over the years. With COVID and the fact that guests have contracted norovirus multiple times in the past after the meal, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m totally grossed out at the idea of eating their food.
How do we deal with this? They won’t give up hosting—and it would still be a problem if they did anyway because they behave this way in other people’s homes. They do not handle criticism well and have a “whatever, it’s fine” attitude about cleaning, in general, so my casual attempts at mentioning food safety have gone nowhere. I don’t think they’ll change their habits no matter what we say, they’ve been like this forever! Thanksgiving is a big deal in my partner’s family and despite the lack of cleanliness, we love getting together with them. We love this aunt and uncle, we just don’t love eating with them. Is there any way to handle this without just saying goodbye to celebrating together?
—Dirty Little Secret
( Read more... )
Wedding booze
Oct. 12th, 2024 04:43 pmysobelDear Miss Manners: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiancé have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom’s parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.
My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.
She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).
She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)
We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.
Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.
MM: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.
Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so. If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.
Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.
My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.
She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).
She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)
We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.
Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.
MM: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.
Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so. If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.
Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.
michelel72Dear Miss Manners: I sent out a dinner invitation to my in-laws. My brother-in-law called my husband to confirm attendance. He added that he will be bringing his boyfriend, and will require certain food accommodations because the boyfriend was just discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago after a major organ transplant surgery.
I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is that delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home. My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?
That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?!
Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them — and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet.
Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband's idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.
(Gift link to the full column)
I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is that delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home. My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?
That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?!
Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them — and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet.
Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband's idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.
(Gift link to the full column)
swingandswirlY'all, what even is this.
Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Oct. 11, 2009.
Dear Carolyn: My husband’s ex just had a baby, making me one of few stepmothers who get to start from scratch. Because of this rare opportunity, I would like to hope we have a chance at a relationship most stepchildren don’t have with their stepparents. I would like the baby to call me “Mom” instead of “Kelly” and to view me as a third parent, not an interloper.
However, the current custody arrangement is tilted severely in the ex’s favor because she is breastfeeding. I think I will lose this special opportunity if we don’t get to spend any time with the baby till she’s a toddler. Should I urge my husband to petition for split custody?
— Anonymous
azurelunaticFirst letter:
HR won’t do anything about a coworker who’s angry about my weight loss
https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
& original community discussion https://agonyaunt.dreamwidth.org/594086.html
Update:
https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
( OP lawyers up, high-up HR's response, and Aubrey's lawn tantrum )
HR won’t do anything about a coworker who’s angry about my weight loss
https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
& original community discussion https://agonyaunt.dreamwidth.org/594086.html
( Dramatic clothing size drop due to removal of dangerously large )
What on earth. ( More of Alison's response )
Update:
https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
( OP lawyers up, high-up HR's response, and Aubrey's lawn tantrum )
minoanmissNow former. I'm posting this here in part in case Alison is forced to take it down. ( Read more... )
minoanmiss(n.b. this doesn't have comments as of the last time I looked at it. I look forward to watching both conversations unfold together) ( Read more... )
jadelennoxA key fact necessary to understand the face I am making. Billy Graham died in 2018.
From the writings of the Rev. Billy Graham
Dear Dr. Graham:
I became a Christian a few years ago and I thought my troubles would go away. Now that I have learned more from the Bible, I realize that being a Christian can add to our problems. During COVID-19 I have seen how the church has come under attack. Why is this?
( Read more... ) source
This question does not feel real
Aug. 17th, 2022 03:37 pmysobelFrom Ask Amy:
Dear Amy: I am an old grandma with 10 step-grandchildren, the youngest of which is 18 and in her first year of college.
That child receives a substantial scholarship from me for her college.
Of the 10 grandkids, she is the only one who does not follow me on my cat’s Instagram account, which has over 5,000 followers.
She does follow her other grandma on Instagram, which is perplexing to me.
Not that I am begging for followers, but I think it’s a charitable and loving thing to do, especially when I have been generous and loving toward her.
I have not discussed this with her mother.
Am I wrong to think that would be a loving thing for her to do?
It’s just a cat account for Pete’s sake!
— Upset Grandmother
( ??? )
Dear Amy: I am an old grandma with 10 step-grandchildren, the youngest of which is 18 and in her first year of college.
That child receives a substantial scholarship from me for her college.
Of the 10 grandkids, she is the only one who does not follow me on my cat’s Instagram account, which has over 5,000 followers.
She does follow her other grandma on Instagram, which is perplexing to me.
Not that I am begging for followers, but I think it’s a charitable and loving thing to do, especially when I have been generous and loving toward her.
I have not discussed this with her mother.
Am I wrong to think that would be a loving thing for her to do?
It’s just a cat account for Pete’s sake!
— Upset Grandmother
( ??? )
minoanmiss[slightly misleading title -- LW has also gotten comments on, for instance, the fit of her jeans]
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ermingardenDear Care and Feeding,
I feel strange asking this low-stakes question based on everything going on in America, but here goes. I’m a mom and my only daughter is 18 and will be graduating high school shortly. The only thing she wants for a graduation gift is breast augmentation surgery. We have the money to pay for it, and she inherited my flat-chested genes, but wants no part of looking that way. She only wants a small C cup, not anything over the top. I’m on board with it because it will make her feel better about herself, but my in-laws are vehemently against it. They keep shaming me and my daughter for even considering it, and now my husband thinks we shouldn’t allow it. I think we should go forward with it. What do you think?
—Busty or Busted
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I feel strange asking this low-stakes question based on everything going on in America, but here goes. I’m a mom and my only daughter is 18 and will be graduating high school shortly. The only thing she wants for a graduation gift is breast augmentation surgery. We have the money to pay for it, and she inherited my flat-chested genes, but wants no part of looking that way. She only wants a small C cup, not anything over the top. I’m on board with it because it will make her feel better about herself, but my in-laws are vehemently against it. They keep shaming me and my daughter for even considering it, and now my husband thinks we shouldn’t allow it. I think we should go forward with it. What do you think?
—Busty or Busted
( Read more... )
ermingardenDear Miss Manners: A few days ago, my mother-in-law informed me of the death of her husband’s brother. I passed along the news to more distant relatives who needed to be informed.
A day later, however, my father-in-law told us that the uncle in question was … not actually dead. I updated the relatives, but I had trouble not making it sound like a farce, which seemed disrespectful of the uncle in question.
I am curious if there is a more polite way to tell people, “My mother-in-law is declaring people dead when they’re not.”
“It seems that there has been a mistake and fortunately, Uncle Lou is not, in fact, dead.” Miss Manners hopes that the relief this news provides will overshadow the blame of whoever’s mistake it originally was.
A day later, however, my father-in-law told us that the uncle in question was … not actually dead. I updated the relatives, but I had trouble not making it sound like a farce, which seemed disrespectful of the uncle in question.
I am curious if there is a more polite way to tell people, “My mother-in-law is declaring people dead when they’re not.”
“It seems that there has been a mistake and fortunately, Uncle Lou is not, in fact, dead.” Miss Manners hopes that the relief this news provides will overshadow the blame of whoever’s mistake it originally was.
ermingardenDear Prudence,
My brother-in-law disclosed to me that he had multiple sexual encounters with a married couple in exchange for money. He and my sister are struggling financially, and when he first mentioned that he was propositioned, I urged him to decline the offer because no good would come of it. That was about a year ago; then recently he said he gave in (at least twice, I guess) because they needed the cash. However, he has not told my sister. I am upset that he thought it OK to engage in an affair like this and upset that he disclosed this to me and expects me to keep it from my sister. They have two young children, and I know if I said anything to my sister, their family would implode. Keeping it from her also feels bad because if she were ever to find out that I knew, it would destroy my relationship with her.
—No Good Options
Dear No Good Options,
Why would he tell you this? Maybe on some level he wants you to tell your sister. Perhaps she can tell him to stop? Or she can know how hard he’s working to support the family? I really have no idea. But you don’t owe him anything, and you don’t have to keep this secret. Tell your sister, and she can decide whether or not her family implodes over it. This is a much better scenario than risking your relationship with her by hiding what you know.
My brother-in-law disclosed to me that he had multiple sexual encounters with a married couple in exchange for money. He and my sister are struggling financially, and when he first mentioned that he was propositioned, I urged him to decline the offer because no good would come of it. That was about a year ago; then recently he said he gave in (at least twice, I guess) because they needed the cash. However, he has not told my sister. I am upset that he thought it OK to engage in an affair like this and upset that he disclosed this to me and expects me to keep it from my sister. They have two young children, and I know if I said anything to my sister, their family would implode. Keeping it from her also feels bad because if she were ever to find out that I knew, it would destroy my relationship with her.
—No Good Options
Dear No Good Options,
Why would he tell you this? Maybe on some level he wants you to tell your sister. Perhaps she can tell him to stop? Or she can know how hard he’s working to support the family? I really have no idea. But you don’t owe him anything, and you don’t have to keep this secret. Tell your sister, and she can decide whether or not her family implodes over it. This is a much better scenario than risking your relationship with her by hiding what you know.
Ask Amy: Is There Someone Else?
Nov. 18th, 2021 09:21 amermingardenDear Amy: I’ve been off and on with a guy for 21 years. I love him, but I’ve never met his family or friends. I’m never invited to his home, but he comes to mine (off and on).
I’ve tried to break it off with him several times.
I’m getting older (we are both 54), and he still does not want to commit. When I don’t hear from him, it hurts me to think he’s with someone else. I’m sure he has someone else in his life.
I think sometimes I’m losing my mind, especially when I’m with him. How do I get over him and move on? –Heartbroken
Heartbroken: You can be sure that this man has other people — probably several other people (including, possibly, wives and children).
I’m so sorry you are locked into this unhealthy relationship. It obviously makes you miserable.
You already know what you need to do, and that is to leave it completely. Break up, cut off and block all contact.
This will be like giving up nicotine or alcohol. You should ask a close friend or family member to help you through this, to hold your hand and offer you support during those times when you’re feeling down. Counseling would also help.
You were trained to tolerate this by a manipulator. In order to take your power back, you will have to retrain yourself to get away, and stay away.
I’ve tried to break it off with him several times.
I’m getting older (we are both 54), and he still does not want to commit. When I don’t hear from him, it hurts me to think he’s with someone else. I’m sure he has someone else in his life.
I think sometimes I’m losing my mind, especially when I’m with him. How do I get over him and move on? –Heartbroken
Heartbroken: You can be sure that this man has other people — probably several other people (including, possibly, wives and children).
I’m so sorry you are locked into this unhealthy relationship. It obviously makes you miserable.
You already know what you need to do, and that is to leave it completely. Break up, cut off and block all contact.
This will be like giving up nicotine or alcohol. You should ask a close friend or family member to help you through this, to hold your hand and offer you support during those times when you’re feeling down. Counseling would also help.
You were trained to tolerate this by a manipulator. In order to take your power back, you will have to retrain yourself to get away, and stay away.
minoanmisshttps://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/whats-the-most-unreasonable-thing-youve-ever-been-asked-to-do-at-a-job.html
1300 comments full of tales of woe and occasional triumph.
1300 comments full of tales of woe and occasional triumph.
beableAsk a Manager: "my office got us turtles to take care of and bring home on weekends"
https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/my-office-got-us-turtles-to-take-care-of-and-bring-home-on-weekends.html#comments
( Read more... )
https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/my-office-got-us-turtles-to-take-care-of-and-bring-home-on-weekends.html#comments
( Read more... )
minoanmissI wasn't going to post today but OMG, I've read this fanfic. ( content advisory: does this count as incest? )
beable4. Company is eliminating work email addresses and we have to set up personal email accounts instead
I work for a contract agency, and I provide services to both schools and health care agencies. My company has had a long-standing policy of 24-hour turnaround for emails, and I’ve never had a problem with this. However, as our management is changing, a decision has been made that employees having company email addresses is a security liability for the company, and we’re all losing our work emails. We’ve been told to use gmail or other free services to create our own personally owned “work” email addresses.
I’m bristling at the idea that I’m expected to use email for communication and check it regularly as a requirement of my work, but am not provided with that resource. Plus, I work with and handle protected health information *a lot* and many of my work email communications, both internal to the company and with our contracts, are governed by either FERPA or HIPAA. I have concerns about the legality and liability of using gmail for these communications.
I’ve pushed back with my bosses, who seem understanding and are sending these concerns up the chain, but I’m receiving no updates and the email turn-off is imminent. There has been some group pushback, but most of my coworkers don’t use email the way I do (they work almost entirely in the main office, and I mostly work in the field), and don’t seem concerned about this.
What else can I do? I’m thinking about refusing to create a personal email address for work, but that would have negative impacts on my work, both from a practical standpoint and from a perspective of maintaining a positive relationship with the new management.
In what universe are personal email accounts more secure for the company than business accounts they control? This is … the exact opposite of how it should work. And they’ll lose access to those accounts when you leave! Why why why? This is infuriating in how nonsensical it is.
If you haven’t documented the specific ways this would violate terms in your contracts, you should do that — and if your company has a legal department, you might try taking that documentation to them. You could also try building a case for why you need to maintain a work account, rather than trying to alter their whole plan but … I have a feeling they won’t care. They’ll likely argue that you can comply with FERPA and HIPAA from a personally-owned email account as long as it’s subject to the same restrictions; I don’t know enough about FERPA to know if that’s true, but either way they’ll be missing the larger point that they need to own their business email. (And how will they ensure you follow those restrictions with the account’s contents once you no longer work for them? Agggh this is ridiculous.) If they won’t budge after that, there might not be more you can do, other than to take this as a serious mark about your new management’s sense. But yeah, I wouldn’t flatly refuse to do it.
I work for a contract agency, and I provide services to both schools and health care agencies. My company has had a long-standing policy of 24-hour turnaround for emails, and I’ve never had a problem with this. However, as our management is changing, a decision has been made that employees having company email addresses is a security liability for the company, and we’re all losing our work emails. We’ve been told to use gmail or other free services to create our own personally owned “work” email addresses.
I’m bristling at the idea that I’m expected to use email for communication and check it regularly as a requirement of my work, but am not provided with that resource. Plus, I work with and handle protected health information *a lot* and many of my work email communications, both internal to the company and with our contracts, are governed by either FERPA or HIPAA. I have concerns about the legality and liability of using gmail for these communications.
I’ve pushed back with my bosses, who seem understanding and are sending these concerns up the chain, but I’m receiving no updates and the email turn-off is imminent. There has been some group pushback, but most of my coworkers don’t use email the way I do (they work almost entirely in the main office, and I mostly work in the field), and don’t seem concerned about this.
What else can I do? I’m thinking about refusing to create a personal email address for work, but that would have negative impacts on my work, both from a practical standpoint and from a perspective of maintaining a positive relationship with the new management.
In what universe are personal email accounts more secure for the company than business accounts they control? This is … the exact opposite of how it should work. And they’ll lose access to those accounts when you leave! Why why why? This is infuriating in how nonsensical it is.
If you haven’t documented the specific ways this would violate terms in your contracts, you should do that — and if your company has a legal department, you might try taking that documentation to them. You could also try building a case for why you need to maintain a work account, rather than trying to alter their whole plan but … I have a feeling they won’t care. They’ll likely argue that you can comply with FERPA and HIPAA from a personally-owned email account as long as it’s subject to the same restrictions; I don’t know enough about FERPA to know if that’s true, but either way they’ll be missing the larger point that they need to own their business email. (And how will they ensure you follow those restrictions with the account’s contents once you no longer work for them? Agggh this is ridiculous.) If they won’t budge after that, there might not be more you can do, other than to take this as a serious mark about your new management’s sense. But yeah, I wouldn’t flatly refuse to do it.
frenzySource: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nkiddm/i_know_my_gf_ate_my_pet_fish_but_idk_what_to_do/
I (24M) strongly suspect that my gf (23F) ate a fish from my aquarium, and is pretending like she didn't. I have no clue what to do about this.
For context, I recently found one of my favorite tetras -- tiny and no bigger than an inch -- went missing without a trace. There have been no signs of aggression in the tank, no signs of illness, remains, etc. Last night I went to sleep early, and this morning it was gone. Normally, I go to sleep long after my gf, but this was the one night where I crashed early and she stayed up later than me. While I normally turn off the tank's light before bed, she did it last night. So I know she interacted with the tank in some capacity.
She has always been super fascinated by this one fish in particular, which I liked because I was glad she was finding interest in this hobby I've taken to since we moved in together. However, three days ago, she asked me if aquarium fish were edible a few times until I answered in earnest. I responded, assuming this was a joke, that I wouldn't. For the rest of the evening, she would stop to look into the tank whenever she passed by it (in a hallway of our place), which she also normally doesn't do unless I make a change to the tank.
Since finding out the fish was missing today, she has been very dismissive about my investigation as I tried to figure out if another one of my fish somehow ate it, or if it had managed to hide itself incredibly. Tonight, her stomach has been hurting her a bit. A coincidence I'm sure, but weird timing imo.
When I was taking care of her, I made a joke saying "Shouldn't have eaten that fish, I guess," assuming this was an obvious absurdity/joke. This made her upset, and, as she began defending that she didn't, that's when it hit me that she legit must have eaten my fish.
I have no question that she ate my pet given all the weird stuff these past few days and her uncharacteristic defensiveness on the matter, but I have no clue wtf to do at this point.
Top comment:
Personally I've always thought that if my spouse eats my pets it's not a good match but that's just me.
I (24M) strongly suspect that my gf (23F) ate a fish from my aquarium, and is pretending like she didn't. I have no clue what to do about this.
For context, I recently found one of my favorite tetras -- tiny and no bigger than an inch -- went missing without a trace. There have been no signs of aggression in the tank, no signs of illness, remains, etc. Last night I went to sleep early, and this morning it was gone. Normally, I go to sleep long after my gf, but this was the one night where I crashed early and she stayed up later than me. While I normally turn off the tank's light before bed, she did it last night. So I know she interacted with the tank in some capacity.
She has always been super fascinated by this one fish in particular, which I liked because I was glad she was finding interest in this hobby I've taken to since we moved in together. However, three days ago, she asked me if aquarium fish were edible a few times until I answered in earnest. I responded, assuming this was a joke, that I wouldn't. For the rest of the evening, she would stop to look into the tank whenever she passed by it (in a hallway of our place), which she also normally doesn't do unless I make a change to the tank.
Since finding out the fish was missing today, she has been very dismissive about my investigation as I tried to figure out if another one of my fish somehow ate it, or if it had managed to hide itself incredibly. Tonight, her stomach has been hurting her a bit. A coincidence I'm sure, but weird timing imo.
When I was taking care of her, I made a joke saying "Shouldn't have eaten that fish, I guess," assuming this was an obvious absurdity/joke. This made her upset, and, as she began defending that she didn't, that's when it hit me that she legit must have eaten my fish.
I have no question that she ate my pet given all the weird stuff these past few days and her uncharacteristic defensiveness on the matter, but I have no clue wtf to do at this point.
Top comment:
Personally I've always thought that if my spouse eats my pets it's not a good match but that's just me.
