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Sep. 10th, 2026 10:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyI married my husband more than 50 years ago, when his three children were young. His first wife had left with them and was living with a man she later married. The children stayed with her until the youngest moved in with us at 12. Years later, the eldest, then a graduate student, lived with us for two years. We saw the middle child mostly at family gatherings. He remained closer to his mother and her husband.
My husband was devoted to family and eager to share his grandchildren’s lives. He spent much time with his oldest child’s children who lived nearby, and he visited his youngest child’s children, who lived in a neighboring town. But we rarely saw his middle son’s family. They pulled back after an incident in which hot coffee was spilled on their firstborn. Being shut out deeply hurt my husband. Consequently, I hardly know their children, who are now young men.
When my husband died five years ago, I inherited the house and bank account. I also own a small condominium, bought years ago with my savings. His other substantial financial assets were divided equally among his three children.
My will leaves the house to his youngest child, who hopes to live there, and the condo to his eldest and his spouse, who maintain it. The middle child believes both properties should be sold after my death and the proceeds divided equally among the three children.
I told him he expected an inheritance without fulfilling a son’s obligations. It became clear from our conversation that he considered his father emotionally distant and, as he later told his siblings, psychologically threatening to his children. That, he said, explained their distance. He also said he had tried years ago to discuss these issues with his father, who was unresponsive. Knowing my husband, I believe that is probably true, though neither the son nor his spouse approached me about it.
My ethical concern is whether my will is fair. The house was left to me, but it was marital property, mostly paid for by my husband, whose salary was many times mine. His income also enabled me to save enough for the condo. Should I change my will and divide the property equally among my three stepchildren? — Name Withheld
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My husband was devoted to family and eager to share his grandchildren’s lives. He spent much time with his oldest child’s children who lived nearby, and he visited his youngest child’s children, who lived in a neighboring town. But we rarely saw his middle son’s family. They pulled back after an incident in which hot coffee was spilled on their firstborn. Being shut out deeply hurt my husband. Consequently, I hardly know their children, who are now young men.
When my husband died five years ago, I inherited the house and bank account. I also own a small condominium, bought years ago with my savings. His other substantial financial assets were divided equally among his three children.
My will leaves the house to his youngest child, who hopes to live there, and the condo to his eldest and his spouse, who maintain it. The middle child believes both properties should be sold after my death and the proceeds divided equally among the three children.
I told him he expected an inheritance without fulfilling a son’s obligations. It became clear from our conversation that he considered his father emotionally distant and, as he later told his siblings, psychologically threatening to his children. That, he said, explained their distance. He also said he had tried years ago to discuss these issues with his father, who was unresponsive. Knowing my husband, I believe that is probably true, though neither the son nor his spouse approached me about it.
My ethical concern is whether my will is fair. The house was left to me, but it was marital property, mostly paid for by my husband, whose salary was many times mine. His income also enabled me to save enough for the condo. Should I change my will and divide the property equally among my three stepchildren? — Name Withheld
( Read more... )
