agonyaunt | Entries tagged with weddings

Dear Miss Manners: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiancé have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom’s parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.

My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.

She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).

She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)

We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.

Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.

MM: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.

Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so. If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.

Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.

jadelennox

Dear Pay Dirt,

In May, I traveled 1,000 miles at my own expense to attend my niece’s wedding. The invitation was unclear about the dress code, specifying formal cocktail attire for a 4 p.m. event. I texted her for clarification providing a list of possible sartorial choices from suit and tie, to polo shirt and khakis, to board shorts and flip-flops. She replied, “The attire is cocktail just no jeans or tennis shoes.” Based on that, I wore black dress shoes, black slacks, and a hand-screen, silk-blend Hawaiian-style shirt that resembled Fred Flintstone’s outfit. I thought it was dressy for cocktail, but fun to recognize the celebratory nature of the event and the time of day. ( Read more... )

minoanmiss

Actual title: My Stepchild Is Planning a Big Reveal to the Family at Our Wedding. How Can I Stop This?I just want a drama-free moment.

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ysobel

Dear Miss Manners: My son is getting married next year to a lovely person with whom I have a good relationship. They are currently perusing venues, although they are unsure how many guests they will invite. Would it be poor manners to send them a possible guest list for my son’s side, with tiers of importance — such as aunts/uncles, then cousins, and so on — so they can see what they’re in for if they move to the next tier?

My husband says they should just invite whom they feel closest to, but I see a problem with that — for example, if they choose three cousins but not all five. My heart tells me it is their wedding and they can do what they want, but I’m not sure I can deal with the fallout of hurt feelings for the next 20 years if they decide to be choosy.

To whom did your husband offer his advice? If it was only meant for you — as a way of saying that the time for parental advice has passed — Miss Manners must disagree with him.

If it was meant for your son, then we instead disagree on what constitutes good parental advice. Your son should be warned, if he does not already know, that you will not be the only one who has to listen to 20 years of hurt feelings if he distributes invitations capriciously. As to ranking the relatives, this is best done verbally; if such a list were to be written down and inadvertently forwarded, 20 years would be a light sentence for the resulting storm.

conuly

Dear Prudence,

I will be getting married in a few months. We are planning and paying for the wedding ourselves. Our save-the-date cards went out a few weeks ago and my mother called me because her sister didn’t get one. I explained that we were not inviting my aunt. She is a lovely woman, but she had a daughter who was the same age as me who passed away when we were in high school. My cousin and I were very close and having her mother at my wedding will remind me of how tragically my cousin’s life was cut short. I also think it might be hard for my aunt to attend my wedding. I’m sure my milestones make her think of all the things her daughter never got to do. My mom is very upset because we are inviting the rest of the extended family. She says my aunt’s feelings will be hurt. I’ve tried to explain my reasons to my mom, but somehow by the end of every conversation about this, I end up looking like the bad guy. I’d like to think of a way to make my mom understand my position, or at least to just back off.

—It’s a Wedding, Not a Funeral

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conuly

1. DEAR NATALIE: My friend divorced recently and I was the last to know what was going on. In fact, I only found out when our mutual friend invited us to her “divorce party.” I was really disgusted to even be included in something so crass, and I told my friend that I didn’t even know they were having marital problems. “Oh yea, she’s been miserable for months,” is what my friend said to me. For months? I had just been out with her and her husband several weeks before this announcement and they seemed fine. I also didn’t appreciate my friend confiding in everyone before me. I don’t think I want to go to this party. We are very good friends with her soon-to-be ex-husband, as well. Do you think if I skip it I’ll look as though I’m choosing sides? I care about her, of course, but why celebrate something so sad? It doesn’t sit well with me. Thoughts on this? – WHY A PARTY?

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*******

2. My sister staged a fake wedding years ago. Her boyfriend’s mother was giving money to her children, and the married ones got double the amount of those who were single. We flew cross-country, in good faith, for this charade and spent thousands of dollars. I discovered the truth only six years ago, when I learned that my sister receives Medicaid benefits as a single person who earns little, even though she lives with her boyfriend in a huge house with many trappings of wealth. Now, my mom wants me to invite them for Christmas dinner with my sisters’ families, but I can’t overlook their lies. My mom says it’s none of my business, but as taxpayers, my sisters and I are outraged at the way they scam the system. I think inviting them would end in a big fight. Advice?

SISTER

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*****

3. Dear Carolyn: I am 39, and I have three younger brothers. One of them is engaged and living with his fiancée, and one weekend last summer we all stayed with him. And I cannot stand his fiancée.

Part of it is on principle: My brother is 37, and she is 26. He is a doctor, and I think he focused on getting established, and when he wanted to have kids, he picked a younger woman. I have a lot of female friends in their 30s who describe dating as very hard specifically because men want younger women.

The other part is that she is such a Stepford wife. She is a teacher and was off for the summer. Their entire house was clean and organized, she had meals or local restaurants planned, she made activities suggestions for our other brother’s kids, and looked incredible — thin, young, hot. It feels like my smart, accomplished brother picked a young, hot woman instead of somebody his own age who is too busy with a career to put cereal in plastic bins.

I agreed to be a bridesmaid because I couldn’t think of a way to say no. But I don’t know how to fake it for an entire wedding.

My husband just says, “She was very nice to us,” which is true if you just look at the surface. I need help not tearing my hair out.

— Anonymous

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cereta

Dear Carolyn: My son is engaged to a woman I don’t know very well. He asked whether I wanted to contribute to the wedding. I said no — I paid for a third of his college, per our divorce decree, and feel adults old enough to be married are old enough to pay for their own weddings.

Last weekend, his fiancee’s parents, also divorced, hosted a dinner so all the parents could meet. They discussed having a rehearsal dinner, a wedding, and a brunch the following day. Parents are paying for most or all of this.

I am bothered by a few things. To start, I thought a wedding was meant to be a few hours, not a few days. I also feel my ex’s new wife is assuming a role as mother of the groom, calling all the shots for the rehearsal dinner. It was also clear she socializes with my son’s fiancee. Her children are in the wedding party, and I overheard people calling them the groom’s brother and sister. The fiancee and her parents have a much warmer relationship with my ex. If they knew his infidelity broke our marriage, I wonder what they would think of him.

I do wish the couple all the luck in the world, but I dread the wedding. How do I deal with these unsettled feelings?

— Bothered

Bothered: Everything you named is a byproduct, at this point, of holding yourself (or your money) apart from the action.

That means you can change it. But it also means ditching all the “should” before you poison yourself with the anger you hold for your ex, and watch your son’s joy pass you by.

The first “should” to go: "[M]eant to be a few hours.” A wedding is what the couple wants and can finance. Mentally repeat till it sticks: “I am so happy for them.” Plus, couples often want to provide more than “a few hours” of hospitality for out-of-town guests.

Next: Old enough to marry/pay. Great! Absolutely valid opinion, so by all means do live by it. Or pivot and pitch in. Others can live by their different, also valid opinions. Your son apparently took your “no” for an answer graciously. Great stuff.

Next: The fiancee and your ex’s new wife. That stings for you, no doubt — but it’s great for the couple. Warmth is good. So now you have a choice — remain stung or bring more warmth. “Luck” is so arm’s-length.

Next: The infidelity grudge. It was awful, I’m sorry, and broke up your family. It also isn’t binding on these other families. They’re meeting you all in this moment, free to make their own judgments and connections. A clean(er) slate could serve you, too.

Feeding your sense of what “should” happen keeps you out of step with what’s actually happening. Please give yourself a hard shake, like an Etch A Sketch, and try approaching this wedding clean.

Readers’ thoughts:

· My mom was cash-strapped and very self-conscious, so I didn’t ask for any money. Instead I asked her to help me find a dress. Answer: no. I asked her to help me decide on flowers. Answer: no. She spent most of the reception sitting apart on the patio. It’s a sad memory. I wanted her to be part of the day, but her guilt over not being able to contribute financially made her feel undeserving.

· I might suggest therapy. It sounds as if you’re dealing with a lot of unresolved anger and a sense of betrayal over the end of your marriage, understandably.

ysobel

Actual title I want a silent wedding reception. My fiance says it’s ‘irrational.’

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.

My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us). My fiance said that this is irrational. He does not want to have a silent wedding.

I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family. The guests are not permitted to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom. Instrumental music will be playing quietly.

During the reception, the guests may whisper among one another, but may not speak aloud. As the newly married couple, our focus should remain solely on each other rather than on any rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.

Is my fiance’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?

— Silence is Golden

Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they’re yellow, of course).

I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now — I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families.

Your fiance’s job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.

Let’s move on to the silence. Generally, guests don’t speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.

Current Mood: amused

minoanmiss

Help! I Think My Niece Is Hiding the Truth About Her Wedding. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: amused

cereta

Hi, Carolyn:

When I heard my niece was getting married, I decided to host a wedding shower for her. My mother has been ill, uses a wheelchair and may not be able to travel to the wedding. I thought it would be nice to have the party in my mom’s condo clubhouse so she could just wheel herself there. I planned a sit-down lunch, since it is difficult for her to talk to people who are standing up.

Due to the limited space, the guest list was quite small. It was approved by the bride and the bride's mom. I made the unfortunate decision to not invite cousins because there are so many of them.

When three of the guests asked me if they could bring their daughters — the bride's cousins — I said no.

Now none of the other side of the family will be attending. Everyone is mad at me, including my sister, the bride’s mom. While I set out to do something nice, I have instead caused a huge rift between the families. Is there anything I can do now to fix this?

— Party-Planning Failure

Party-Planning Failure: You are not a party-planning failure!

You are a party-defining failure. A party-explaining failure, at worst. Meaning, you failed to articulate this wasn’t meant to be THE shower, merely A shower, a small one, to allow your mother possibly her only chance to celebrate with her granddaughter. And maybe if you had communicated that effectively, then someone else in the bride’s orbit could have stepped in to plan a second, more inclusive event — protecting the tender thoughtfulness of your luncheon.

But here's the problem with leaving it at that: The three people who called to get their daughters included, which was a manners failure from the start, and then took “no” for an answer by pitching a classless, intergenerational, party-boycotting hissy fit? They're the true failures here, the ones first in line for correcting. (Your sister is behind them, for initially backing your plan and then withdrawing her support, it seems, when she saw it was unpopular.) All any of them had to do was show up as invited instead of trying to re-engineer someone else's party into one they liked better.

Even if we're talking about a super-tight family in which both excluding cousins and shutting up about it were absolutely unheard of, then there was still a better way: a discreet, open-minded inquiry into your reasoning for the abridged guest list, followed by, “Oh, I get it, I'm so sorry I doubted you,” and maybe — just maybe — an offer of a second event.

But here we are.

Because you're not the bride, existing instead a couple of circles out from the decision-making center, it's not for you to decide unilaterally how to fix this — assuming it's even fixable. The bride and your sister might just want this behind them so the embers can start to cool.

Do ask them, though, if they would like you to address a letter to all affected parties. Something like: “In planning the shower, I regret not making clear that my intentions were only to host a tiny event that would allow Mom to celebrate without feeling overwhelmed. The failure to communicate that is on me. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause a distraction for the bride at this exciting time. Thank you for reading this and I look forward to celebrating with everyone soon.”

Even the boycotters, if they deign to get over themselves.

minoanmiss

I wonder how this happened. ( Read more... )

lemonsharks

Question:
I(36m) was a groomsman for my friend Sara's(34F) wedding this past week. I'm only acquaintances with the groom but because I've known Sara for nearly 20 years she wanted me in the party. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression that has to be taken at a certain time of the day and also requires food, so I asked Sara what time the food would be served.

Now this is a vegetarian wedding, I'm not vegetarian but I have no problem not eating meat for a meal especially when it comes to supporting my friend. The only issue I had was when I found out the size of the meals. The entire course consisted of a side salad, a side of corn, and a side of broccoli.. If this were only for a few hours that wouldn't be a problem, but because the wedding party has to arrive before everyone, between the ceremony and shuffling to the reception the whole event was going to be over 8 hours and I knew there was no way a small salad and a few tablespoons of corn and broccoli were going to hold me over(I'm 6'2 185lbs fwiw). When Sara told me what they were serving I said something like, "Oh will there be another entre?" and she immediately got defensive so I hushed myself before causing any further tensions.

Normally I would have been straight forward about all this, but I could see she was already stressed and I didn't want to add to it, so I decided during the reception dinner that I was going to covertly order a pizza, meet the guy outside, and just sneak in and out here and there to grab a few slices from my car. I told my friend this and of course word got around to some of the other party members. Turns out I wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable going so many hours with little food, so by the time I placed the order there were about 12 other people(all from the wedding party) throwing down. I ordered 4 larges and kept them in my car so people could just kind of come and go and grab some whenever they were hungry. Nobody really seemed to notice anything until Sara couldn't find the groom anywhere. She had her mom help her find him and as you can guess she found him out by my car eating pizza..

Well to say she blew up was an understatement. She said I embarrassed her, made her feel cheap, said I only did this because it was a vegetarian wedding(3 of the pizzas had meat on them). I tried to apologize explaining the situation, but she was having none of it. The other party members that were eating the pizza were all silent, I was thrown to the wolves. She told me to leave while her mom stared daggers at me. It's been 4 days and she hasn't responded to me. Her husband did reach out to apologize for all the "confusion" but the majority of her friends(even some who ate the pizza) are telling me I'm an AH and what I did is unforgivable as she'll always remember her wedding as "not being good enough" because of my "stunt". AITA?

Top answer:

Was that ALL the food they served?? In my country, weddings have not one but multiple buffets (charcuterie, breads, sweets, confections, hot dishes….), waiters going around with trays of canapés, cake…

This is so odd. We value abundance here and a person leaving hungry would be the most embarrassing thing ever. If she planned that little food, yes, it’s her fault people wanted to enjoy her event and still be full. NTA !!!! Even tho in normal circumstances it would be very unpolite to order outside food at a reception, I think health and being hungry is a good exception.

People can get severely sick if they don’t eat enough (hi, hypoglycemic here), and it’s not a “vegetarian” problem, it’s a catering planning problem. It’s a long ass event, there’s time in there to fit two meals. Awful not to think about the well-being of her guests.

And people who ate the pizza calling you asshole, hypocrisy much?

OP Clarification:
I'm going to hop on this to reply because unfortunately I'd go over the character limit in the OP. To clear some things the food was from a catering company, but it was not buffet style. We were summoned by table and each person received one plate. The entirety of that plate was the salad, broccoli and corn. The salad was spruced up a bit and the broccoli and corn were prepared and seasoned, but that was literally all each person got for their plate. Cake was served after dinner for every person to get one slice each. I didn't have an issue with the food itself, I just didn't think it would be enough for me because by that point I had not eaten in hours and needed to take my medication. if I don't eat enough food with my meds I get really nauseous and it becomes a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5st0i/aita_for_ordering_pizza_at_a_vegetarian_wedding/

lemonsharks

Dear Amy: I recently became engaged. My fiancé is originally from another country, and his family still lives there.

Because of COVID-19 restrictions and the visa process, most of his relatives are unable to travel to the U.S. for a wedding, so we decided to host (and pay for) a small U.S. ceremony and then have a big wedding in his home country (where costs are much lower).

My parents have stated that they will not travel, even though they take trips elsewhere. We are deeply hurt and disappointed by this. My fiancé is especially hurt, because this may be their only opportunity to meet his family.

Initially, we wanted to include our families in the planning, but my parents have argued every step of the way.

I called my mother to invite her to look at a venue; it ended with her insulting me and then hanging up on me. My fiancé and I looked at the venue, loved it, and booked it on the spot. My mother was then devastated that she was not included.

We also told my parents that we would not be able to include some of their friends on our guest list, but that they were welcome to invite these friends if they covered the cost. (I have not seen most of these people in several years, and none have met my fiancé.) Both of my parents called me several times during my workday and sent me multiple harsh emails.

My parents have complained about the situation to other family members, who have told us that we are wrong for “ruining their day.”

We’re at the point where we are considering canceling our wedding in the U.S.

Are we wrong? Aside from continuing to enforce boundaries, how do we handle “Momzilla”?

– Bride-to-Be in CT

Dear Bride-to-Be: You are trying to set and enforce boundaries, but so far, you seem to be closing the gate after your folks have already scaled the wall.

You are paying for this entire affair. You and your fiancé are the hosts. Your folks should be treated as honored guests: invited, given appropriate seating and roles during the ceremony and reception, but no control over your plans, because they are demonstrating that they can’t handle being included.

You should not welcome them to invite people to your wedding and reception whom you have no desire to see.

I think you should take a deep breath and make a real choice about what you want to do next – not reacting out of this moment’s anger, but with a wider view concerning what you are doing, and why, and how you want to look back on all of it.

You might consider switching the order of these ceremonies – if possible, having your foreign nuptials first, followed by another blessing and small reception at a later date in the States.

lemonsharks

Ask Amy: Happily single woman dreading wedding where family will try to set her up

Dear Amy: I am a (usually content) single 30-year-old woman.

My mother is getting married in two months.

She has already tried to set me up with her fiancee’s nephew (um, no), as well as a former employee (good guy but not for me).

Now her fiancé has decided that the wedding is the perfect time to introduce me to all his single co-workers (no, just no).

Add in all the well-meaning aunties asking me when I’m going to find a “nice man and settle down.”

I’ve started to dread this day.

My solution? Take my own date.

There will be no awkward set-ups if I already have a date. I’ll still have to field inappropriate questions from the aunties, but at least I wouldn’t have to face them alone.

Four months ago, I signed up for a dating app and have since been reminded why I’m happily single.

With the wedding only two months away, do I admit defeat and go solo?

I also feel that this wedding is not the best time for any prospective match to “meet the parents.”

Your ideas?

– Destined to be Dateless

Dear Dateless: I have a dim memory of seeing this basic plot in a Debra Messing movie … what was it called? Oh yes – (checks Wikipedia) – the “Wedding Date”. Debra Messing’s character hires a male escort to be her wedding date.

Hilarity ensues. Love blooms.

The obvious solution – at least to me – is for you to bring a (male or female) friend as your date, with the expressed intent that this person should serve as your wing-person. Their role would be to ward off random singletons, and if necessary, to use a serving platter from the buffet table as a shield to protect you from nosey aunties.

No matter what – keep a sense of humor about this annoyance. Having people try to set you up may make you feel as if you are somehow inadequate as you are (you’re not), but the intent is usually benign: People who equate happiness with being coupled-up think you’re wonderful.

Your problem contains the foundation for a pretty solid romantic comedy, so after the wedding is over, you might want to write it up.

movingfinger

Dear Amy: My daughter said she got the wedding of her dreams.

Family and friends came from far and wide to celebrate her nuptials.

It was lovely in every respect, and both her mother and I were thrilled that things went as she wanted.

However, she was so caught up as the center of attention that she ignored the common tradition of greeting each table and saying a few words to their guests.( Read more... )

ermingarden

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I are in our late 60s, and we have both been previously married. When we decided last year to get married, we wanted a no-frills occasion, so we decided to go to one of the Elvis chapels in Las Vegas.

We thought it would be a fun place to have a get-together with family. We called our relatives and close friends, and were surprised that 21 people wanted to come and share the day. We paid for the flights of our four kids. After the wedding, we decided to go out to eat with everyone. We all paid for our own dinners.

Six months later, my older brother came for a visit, and to my surprise, all of a sudden he asked me if my husband was cheap. I was so hurt. He said he thought we should have paid for everyone's dinner that night.

It was over $800. We are comfortable financially, but not overly wealthy, and all who attended were financially secure. This was not a reception, in our mind.

Do you think we should have paid for dinner?

Nursing a grudge is a time-consuming and delicate activity, so it does not surprise Miss Manners when people make a mess of it.

Certainly, your brother has. Perhaps — just perhaps — there was a case to be made that the meal was your wedding reception, although it seems a stretch given the informality displayed. It in no way justifies harboring a grievance over a simple misunderstanding for six months, making an accusation against your husband — and ignoring the larger context of this having been the wedding of his presumably beloved sister.

Miss Manners believes that any misunderstanding was minor and not ill-intentioned, and that it is your brother who is being ungenerous.

minoanmiss

long. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: irritated

beable

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/a-coworker-prayed-for-my-fiances-death-so-we-didnt-invite-her-to-our-wedding.html
( What the actual F )

fox

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lemonsharks

August 1, 2021 at 12:13 a.m.
Categories:Advice, Uncategorized
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married. Due to COVID restrictions, she had to cut back her guest list after sending “save the dates.” She wrote nice letters to those who were now uninvited, explaining the situation and how devastated she was. Well, one of my two sisters received a letter, and my family is falling apart over it.

My daughter and her fiance chose to keep the people they were closest to and who are a part of their close church family. My sister did not meet that criteria. However, my daughter is extremely close to sister No. 2, who was invited.

I am helping to pay for the wedding, but because the situation has become so stressful for my daughter, I have chosen not to push the issue. I’m losing sleep and what’s left of my relationship with my excluded sister over this. My mom is also devastated. The sister who was invited says I need to fix this. The shunned sister says she wouldn’t come even if she was given a pity invite. I’m sick about this. How do I move forward? — NAUSEOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAUSEOUS: Regrettable as it is, what’s done is done. Your shunned sister says she wouldn’t attend your daughter’s wedding if she were invited at this late date. Your daughter and her fiance issued those invitations without your input, and now they will suffer the consequences.

Move forward by apologizing to your sister for your daughter’s unfortunate “mistake” and assuring her that your relationship with her is unchanged. If your sister is the only person in your family who wasn’t on the guest list, she has a right to her hurt feelings and, frankly, I sympathize with her. But this should not create a permanent rift in your entire family.

conuly

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married, and my fiance's daughters, 19 and 21, are in the wedding party. I have purchased the dresses they are wearing, which are light and flowing. I have told the girls that on the day of the wedding I do not want them wearing thong underwear. The older one then went to her dad and said she didn't want to wear regular underwear. He told her she could wear whatever she wants. I have tried telling them that as young ladies there are times you don't wear thongs, and under a flowing dress is one of them. It's ONE DAY of their lives. How can I get my point across? -- WISE BRIDE IN PHOENIX

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minoanmiss

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Current Mood: embarrassed

minoanmiss

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frenzy

[note: are reddit relationship threads allowed? I'm operating under the assumption they are, but I can remove if it is not. If they're allowed, can we get a reddit tag, please?]

Actual Title: My [27F] boyfriend [27 M] of two years thought we've been engaged for four months. I had no idea.

Body: My [27F] boyfriend [27M] and I have been together for two years. We were very casually dating for the first year or so, and then when lockdowns started happening, since my lease was month-to-month and his place has three bedrooms, I moved in with him. So we've been living together since March.

I work a job that involves a lot of projects, that necessitate me planning, budgeting and organising and I have been doing this from home. He works in a different industry but also has been working from home, and we each have our own office, and we both wander in to see each other during the day to chat when we have a moment.

Yesterday afternoon, we were sitting watching TV when he said "oh by the way, my mom wants to come dress shopping with you." I don't have any events or anything coming up (obviously) so I was confused and asked him "For what?" He said, "Haha very funny," and after a bit of back and forth he clarified that she wants to come wedding dress shopping!

I'll spare the details of the ensuing argument but apparently back in August when we were watching a romantic movie and he said, "Hey do you think you would marry me?" And I said "sure," he took that as an engagement. Since it was our first time ever discussing marriage, I assumed he was just feeling it out.

Since then, I guess he's assumed I've been wedding planning and whenever he's wandered into my office and said things like "How's it going?" "Have you worked out the budget?" "Everything coming together?" He's been talking about the wedding and not about my job like I'd assumed he was.

We had a long fight about this. He's furious that I apparently pay so little attention I didn't realise he'd proposed, but also that he's told his whole family about our engagement and doesn't want to backtrack now. I'm furious because a) I feel like this is a huge miscommunication on his end and b) if he genuinely thought we were engaged, he's put in absolutely no effort to anything. I haven't got a ring, he hasn't got a ring, he hasn't contributed a single opinion about this "planning" I've been doing. Sure, I like planning but I have no interest in planning an entire wedding 100% by myself and if he expects that, I'm not sure if this is the right move.

I just don't know how to move forward here. He thinks we should just "stay" engaged and move forward with the wedding and never tell anyone, but I'm questioning everything now.

tl;dr: My boyfriend thought he proposed to me but I had no idea. Since then, he assumed I was wedding planning while contributing nothing and not helping at all while I thought things were continuing as normal. He wants to go ahead with the "engagement" but I'm questioning if the relationship is for me. How do we move forward? How do I get past this?

Edit I'm trying really hard to reply to everyone but comments are coming in thick and fast! I swear every time I reply there's another 20 in the inbox so I'm sorry that I'm missing some!!

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Best comment:

Sounds like the script to a bad rom-com. Usually there is a ring thing to avoid such confusion. With such failure of communicating, there needs to be a reset.

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source: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/klsp7u/my_27f_boyfriend_27_m_of_two_years_thought_weve/

minoanmiss

My granddaughter “Riley” is getting married late next year. She’s currently putting together her guest list (I heard this through the grapevine) and is not planning on inviting my childhood best friend, “Greta.” ( Read more... )

Current Mood: unimpressed

minoanmiss

Dear Prudence,

I am a bisexual man who recently got engaged to my wonderful boyfriend, “Pete.” Before that I was married to my high school girlfriend, “Kate.” ( Read more... )

Current Mood: confused

minoanmiss

I don’t want this feud to spread, but I feel stuck.

My two sisters and I are all close in age. “Chloe” got engaged first but has put the wedding off due to grad school. “Zoe” got engaged a few months afterward and was looking at a whirlwind wedding. She bought the dress and then caught her fiancé cheating on her. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: amused

cynthia1960

Both sets of parents hijack wedding plans, what to do?

WIBTA for eloping when the wedding is this weekend?

My girlfriend and I had planned to get married on Saturday. We wrapped up all our planning around Halloween, all that was left was to ring some time this week and make sure everything was running smoothly.

She called the venue and the person she spoke to asked her to confirm some changes she'd apparently made. My girlfriend had no clue what he was talking about, and he reminded her of all the changes that had been put in recently. We had not approved any of these changes. We were able to get some of it put back the way it was but there are some things that we couldn't change back at such short notice.

The venue forwarded us the emails asking for the changes so we could look over them. Our communication was being done via an email account we created solely for wedding stuff, and the email address which asked for the changes is the exact same address, except 2 letters are switched round. The venue is very apologetic for not calling us directly but can only fix so much of it at this stage.

We think we know what happened. The whole time we were planning the wedding we got pushback from both sets of parents, and the stuff they had the biggest issues with have all been changed. I'm willing to bet that all of this was related to at least one of our respective parents. We don't know anyone who would want to fuck with us or the wedding this badly except our parents, who got pissy when we told them they couldn't financially contribute to the wedding because they were trying to trade their money for whatever wedding stuff they wanted.

Right now the stuff that we wanted that is still in this wedding is my suit, the venue and the DJ. My girlfriend has gone to pick up her dress and she's not heard from the shop so we're assuming that hasn't changed. I'm calling round everyone and it looks like the menu has been changed, as has the guest list and the cake. We paid for the wedding we'd planned and it looks like any additional costs from the changes (such as the extra people) were paid for by someone else, but they wouldn't give me any of the card info for legal reasons.

We probably won't be speaking to our parents again after this, unless one of them owns up in which case we'll just stop speaking to that one, but this feels like a joint effort as it's dealt with both sets of parent's complaints.

Before my girlfriend left to get the dress she gave me permission to post this as we are seriously considering eloping. We have the marriage certificate here, the honeymoon is unaltered and exactly what we wanted, and there's a few appointments we could make between now and Saturday at the town hall to get the certificate legally signed/filed.

However, we now have around 200 people attending this wedding in 3 days (our original guest list was about 100 including families and plus ones). People have booked hotels, planes, trains, and are coming from other countries to be here. None of these people have done anything to us and would be getting caught in the crossfire if we were to elope instead.

Would we be the arseholes?

Update: I posted in the group chat I have with all 4 parents that someone has been screwing with the wedding, we've found the email they used and we'd be tracking the IP address to a device and location (this was all absolute bullshit, we don't even know how to find an IP address). As soon as I said we'd be tracking the email they all started pointing fingers and accusing each other. It looks like all 4 of them were in on it together. Still not sure what we're doing about the wedding but all 4 parents are uninvited.

We're thinking that we might elope for the ceremony and then have the reception as planned (it's all the same party/venue and we won't get money back) because of the number of people who are coming from all over the place.

Edited to show original post. Link left so we can get at the comments over there

cereta

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my former employees got married a month ago. I was unable to attend because I had to work. Another is getting married in the fall, and once again I am not available for the bridal shower. The day conflicts with a previously scheduled trip for my daughter’s school. I feel bad that I cannot be there for these young women who thought enough of me to invite me to participate in this important moment in their lives. How can I make it up to them? I want them to know how much I care about them and how happy I am for this next step in their lives. -- Missing the Celebration, Denver

DEAR MISSING THE CELEBRATION: Congratulations to your former employees, who are about to take that next great step in life. And congratulations to you for being such a role model that they thought to include you in their ceremonies.

Start by offering your love to your former employees, and let them know how sorry you are that you will not be able to join them. Immediately offer to celebrate with each couple after the wedding. Invite them to dinner or another private gathering where you get to interact personally. At this event, you can present them with a wedding present, or you may want to buy something through their registry and send that ahead.

cereta

Q. Wedding +1: I can’t believe I’m asking this question, but I’ve become super-duper anxious all of a sudden. I was invited to a wedding of a longtime, but not close, friend. I was given a plus one, which just says “guest.” I want to bring a friend, one whom the couple has met a few times. The couple has no idea whether I’m dating anyone, they don’t know my orientation, and they gave me a plus one anyway. The internet seems dead set against bringing anyone other than a date, but I can’t imagine that these people, who are queer-friendly, are super into conventional, couple-centric etiquette. So, can I bring my friend? Should I calm down?

A: If I count as part of the internet, then it certainly isn’t all dead set against bringing anyone besides a romantic Interest as a plus one to a wedding. You’ve been given a plus one and get to use it as you see fit. (Does the internet think that if you’re not in a romantic relationship, you should return your plus one to the happy couple and arrive stag? What’s going on with the internet today?) Bring your friend and have a great time.

Follow Up:
Q. Re: Wedding +1: It is unbelievably rude to bring a friend to a wedding. This really is for dates only. A wedding is not about you. It is about a couple. It is one thing to come with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but another to impose on them a random friend they have not invited and now have to pay for. (A wedding dinner’s cost per head is expensive.) If the letter writer is not close enough that the couple doesn’t even know whether she is queer, to do that is just outrageous.

A: Why on earth would it be rude to bring a friend to a wedding? In what way is bringing a guest when an invitation specifies that one can bring a guest making someone else’s wedding “about you”? I agree that it would be rude, inconvenient, and financially burdensome to bring a guest when an invitation doesn’t specify a plus one, but I’m not at all clear on why you think this is so outrageous.

cereta

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been asked to be in his sister's wedding. We said yes, mostly out of obligation.

There will be three married couples in the procession. I recently learned that my sister-in-law plans to have the couples split up and walk with others. I think it's extremely weird and rude, so much so that we want to back out. Neither of us cares to be in a memory book with us posing with other people. It's not that either of us is jealous; we have been married for 24 years. What do you think? -- FEELING OBLIGATED IN THE EAST

DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED: I think that before you take offense and back out, you should ask your sister-in-law why she wants to do this. It could be something as simple as variations in the height of the participants and not weird or rude. Between you and me, unless you and your husband feel so strongly about this that you are willing to create a rift in the family, you should go along with his sister's fantasy of her perfect day.

lilysea

Q: I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a very conservative wedding. I said yes a while ago to a friend that I’ve always “agreed to disagree” with. But since then I’ve come out as bi/pan to most people in my life and I have a girlfriend. The bride doesn’t know because it seemed safer to tell her after the wedding because I’ve heard her say homophobic things about sin and hell.

But things have gotten more complicated. I injured my leg and when I told her about it and asked if I could sit for the several hour long ceremony she told me I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid anymore. I’m hurt that she would kick me out of her wedding because I’m injured and I’ve already spent a lot on her gift, a flight there, etc. I’m not sure I can change my flight either (I had to be there several days early as a bridesmaid and I’m supposed to share a hotel room with her, I don’t think I can afford a room myself). My friends said if I don’t go to her wedding at all now I’m probably throwing away the friendship. I feel like she’s the one doing that by kicking me out over something I can’t control.

More than that, I’m afraid that if I go as a guest or try to suck up the pain to stand during the ceremony as a bridesmaid, that she will ultimately reject my friendship anyway when I do come out to her and I don’t want to put in all this time for nothing. If she rejects me for an injury it seems easy enough to reject me for being queer too since I know she thinks that’s a sin. I don’t know what to do.

A: Ayyyyy. I humbly submit that your first order of business is calling about your flight. Just see what the deal is there.

And wow yeah, she does sound like the kind of person who would reject you because of your queerness! What do you want to do? Like what feels like a decision you could live with. If I were in your position, I would slap a shipping label on that gift and take myself out for a milkshake. If I were in your position and feeling especially obligated for some reason, I’d change my flight to arrive closer to the actual wedding date, get my own hotel room, and be the cutest happiest friendliest son of a bitch at that party, where I would talk openly about my darling girlfriend and share my thoughts on a single-payer system and how abortion bans are class warfare, then leave with an air of smug superiority the likes of which that town had never seen.

Do what makes you feel like the best version of yourself, whether that’s protecting your feelings by not attending, or taking one on the chin to avoid a fallout. Make the decision you can live with, but above all else please know that you deserve friends who care more about your injured leg than the optics of a wedding party. Also, you know who has ceremonies that last for several hours when that shit can easily be handled in 45 minutes or less? Showboating assholes, that’s who. THERE I SAID IT.

https://www.autostraddle.com/yall-need-help-12-the-straight-girl-is-back-3985543/

lilysea

Q: I have been asked to be a bridesmaid by a longtime (over fifteen years) and very dear friend. This woman is the sister I never had, and we’re closer to each other than we are to many of our own family members. I happily said yes without realizing that her tastes and budget far, far exceed mine.

She is marrying into a great deal of money, and she’s having a huge, expensive wedding. That’s fine. The problem is that the dresses she selected for her bridesmaids START at $7,000. That’s right—$7,000 is the price of the cheapest of her choices, and that does NOT include alterations, shoes, jewelry, hair, make up, etc. The dress that she favors comes in at $15,000 before alterations.

She did not give us any kind of warning that the dresses she is considering are so expensive. I’m working, but spending $7,000 plus on a dress that I will wear for less than one day (not even) and then never wear it again (it is beautiful, but it is bridal) is an expense I cannot justify. And if she opts for her favorite, at $15,000 before alterations…

I know that being a member of the wedding party is expensive. When she announced her engagement and when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I immediately started trying to save, but I didn’t think that being part of her wedding would be this expensive. I am also hurt that she didn’t give me a heads-up but waited until we were at the salon and looking at her choices. I pulled her aside and told her that I would have to back out of being a bridesmaid, and I told her WHY (that I cannot afford the dress she chose, nor the shoes, the accessories, alterations, and more). I told her that I would be happy to participate in another way (perhaps do a reading), and if that wasn’t possible, then I would be content to be a guest. She was very, very upset with me, told me that I couldn’t back out, etc. The wedding is still a year from now so I would think there is time for her to ask someone else to be a bridesmaid.

Since then, I’ve called her and emailed her and she hasn’t responded. I finally wrote her a long letter, explaining that I valued her as a person and our friendship, and that I very much wanted to be a part of her wedding, but that unfortunately a $15,000 dress and even a $7,000 dress is completely out of my budget. I have a job but after rent, insurance, loans, and other expenses, I sometimes have to skip meals in order to save even a little for emergencies.

The thing is, she grew up like me—working class poor and didn’t have much. Her fiancé is a great guy and I’m truly happy for her, but I’m hurt that she did not ask me what I could afford to spend on a bridesmaid dress, shoes, and accessories. I have enough debt as it is, and I can’t and won’t spend $20,000 just on the bridesmaid accoutrements. I’d have to borrow to do it.

But now she’s mad at me and sent me a letter in return telling me how hurt she was that I backed out, that obviously I don’t value her or our long friendship because if I did, I would be there for her wedding. She said that none of the other bridesmaids nor the maid of honor backed out (maid of honor is her sister; other bridesmaids are her fiancé’s sisters, and her fiancé’s family is paying for their dresses, etc.) so that tells her that I don’t care about her. She said that I don’t deserve her and she is never talking to me again.

Have you ever heard of anything like this? Are brides now so unreasonable that they don’t take their bridesmaid’s budgets into account when selecting dresses? Should I have told her my limits re: the cost of the dress? She also told me that I was not welcome at her wedding. I am mourning the end of a fifteen-plus-year friendship, and am hurt and bewildered.

—Unhappy ex-bridesmaid and blacklisted ex-friend

A: Dear UEABE,

Most couples honestly don’t ask their bridal party about their budget before picking out dresses or tuxes or whatever else. But most couples don’t pick a $15,000 dress, holy crap.

It’d be awfully nice for her to consider her bridal party’s financial situation (I imagine most of the readers here tried to), but at the end of the day, your budget is your own personal responsibility, not hers. It’s your obligation to keep your finances in check and be vocal if some obligation is stretching you too thin. Which is exactly what you did! You were right, is what I’m saying here. Telling her you couldn’t afford it and stepping down were the entirely right decisions.

Everyone is in a different financial situation. But fifteen grand is… a lot. Even considering the fact that we’re not all coming from the same place financially, that’s a lot of money.

It was your choice to spend that lump of cash or opt out, and it was her choice how to respond to the news. She decided to take it personally, and frankly, I don’t know what you could’ve done to avoid that. It sucks. It’s just not your fault. You couldn’t have foreseen a $15,000 dress, and you couldn’t just dig in the couch to find that money once it was proposed. Her hurt feelings suck, but they’re unfounded and not your responsibility.

You say your friend had the same financial background as you before meeting this guy, but I’m wondering if she just cannot relate to “not being able to afford it.” Even folks who consider themselves on the same financial page are usually in very different places. In trying very hard (so very hard) to give the benefit of the doubt here, I’m thinking maybe she just cannot fathom how you can’t afford this dress, and assumes that means you’re prioritizing other things above her wedding (which you are—rent and food and electricity). But on the other, wide-eyed judgey hand—this girl has lost her mind. Fifteen thousand dollars for a dress? That’s crazy talk, and her accusatory response was out of line. Maybe after the wedding is over, she’ll find her common sense again. But till then, you’ve done what you can, and I would try not to give it another blessed thought.

P.S. We know, we thought we were being trolled too… but we did some digging, and all we can say, is we give this AAPW a very high chance of being 100% real.

https://apracticalwedding.com/expensive-bridesmaid-dress/

lilysea

Dear E. Jean: My new husband's family is loaded; mine is solid middle class. He and I took great pride in planning and paying for our own small wedding and saved up for a very budget-minded honeymoon to Rome. On our wedding day his parents gave us a card that said, "A little bird told us you could use some help with your honeymoon." The card contained a check for $10,000! Although we knew we should have saved it, we blew every cent of it on an upgrade at a fancy hotel and swanky dinners and had the time of our lives. When we returned, the first thing I did was call his mother and thank her again for the wonderful gift. Imagine my shock when she said, "You're welcome, dear. Take all the time you need in paying us back." What the?!? It was a gift, not a loan! My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck. I have no idea how to handle this, and my husband doesn't want to confront his parents. Eeeek! —Blushing and Bewildered Bride

DANG!: As I always say, your family will bilk you before anyone else. Send your idiots-in-law a handwritten note of glorious gratitude for the "grand trip," etc., in mushy-mushy detail. Conclude with a list of why you love them. The last item on the list should be their "gift of a heavenly honeymoon." Both you and your husband sign it. Add a P.S.: "Mom mentioned the word 'loan' on the phone. Of course, we'd never have spent a penny if we'd known, but we will be happy to pay it back at $5 a month."

lilysea

DEAR ABBY: I am a bridesmaid for my brother's upcoming wedding. However, his fiancee is throwing out some crazy mandates for the big day.

1. All family members must wear contact lenses. Glasses will not be allowed because they look ugly in pictures. (Both her mom and my parents wear glasses.)

2. She made my father get dental work to "improve his smile."

3. I recently tore my ACL, and she says I can't bring crutches to the ceremony because she doesn't want them in the pictures.

How much more of this should our family put up with? I love her as my niece's mother, but not as my future sister-in-law. Would it be better to tell them I won't be a bridesmaid? I am afraid to speak up because I want a relationship with my niece. -- AFRAID OF BRIDEZILLA

DEAR AFRAID: Your brother's fiancee appears to have gone off the deep end. Weddings are supposed to be about love, commitment and the joining together of two families, not the photo album.

While I sympathize with her desire for a "perfect" wedding, the idea that your parents and her mother must invest in contact lenses or miss seeing the ceremony and reception because glasses aren't "allowed" is ludicrous. And the suggestion that you leave your crutches and risk further damaging your ACL is off the charts.

Talk to your brother. Perhaps he can make his ladylove see the light. If not, I wouldn't blame you -- and your parents and her mother, by the way -- if you decided to skip the "show."

Mods: can I have an ableism tag?

kaberett

( Massive, massive dysfunction. )

lilysea

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepfather’s grandson’s wedding is black-tie optional, and my stepfather’s children are renting him a tux. My mom, who is 90, thought she would wear a nice pants outfit with a dressy jacket, and is resistant to buying something new. She has been through a lot this year (treatment for lymphoma, cancer surgery, and she recently fell and broke her pelvis, so she is in a lot of pain).

I and my three sisters (my mom’s only children) live on the opposite coast, but we are now being pressured by the mother of the groom (my stepfather’s daughter) and my stepfather to see that she is outfitted appropriately -- not just for the wedding, but also for the rehearsal dinner (cocktail attire) and the wedding breakfast to be held the day after the wedding.

They have also expressed concerns about the shoes my mother prefers (very safe, comfortable, but not at all dressy). My sister even heard my stepfather tell her that if she doesn’t get something new to wear, she can stay home and not attend the wedding or other events.

My mother doesn’t stand up for herself, unfortunately. Two of us will be traveling to see her soon, and plan to take her shopping. My sister is even purchasing a few things for my mom that she will bring with her, in the hopes that maybe something will fit and work for this event.

Personally, I think it is extremely superficial of them to dictate what she wears (especially since the wedding is six months from now!). If it were me, I would just be thrilled they are both well enough to attend, regardless of how they are dressed.

Is my mother wrong to resist the request to buy something more formal? Or should the step-family back off?

GENTLE READER: What happened to the “optional” part?

While Miss Manners always advocates dressing properly for the occasion -- and generally abhors “optional,” as it just invites chaos -- the particulars of your mother’s dress seem to be unduly fixated upon here. There is certainly a lot of undue angst being put into this poor woman’s wardrobe that seemingly requires three separate outfits and uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, shoes.

If your mother can reasonably be jollied into the shopping expedition or accepts one of your sister’s choices for one new outfit, fine. But if not, please talk to your stepfather about “backing off.” Surely this cannot really be worth all of this fuss.

cereta

( Cut for length )

cereta

Dear Prudence,
Our family has been close, seeing each other every week. My children are all in their 20s and have their own homes. Our only daughter got married earlier this year and we adore our son-in-law. Our son got engaged about three months before our daughter’s wedding. Our daughter was vocally angry that her brother got engaged before her wedding. When the newly engaged couple were looking for wedding venues, I (mistakenly) recommended the place my daughter planned her reception. It is a lovely location and I was thinking it would be a good fit. Unfortunately, they decided to book this same venue for their wedding scheduled a year later. Now my daughter is furious. She is demanding they move the reception somewhere else even though it will mean losing the substantial deposit. This has created a great deal of anxiety, especially for me, because I mourn the loss of our close-knit family. I don’t know what to do. We have even offered to pay the deposit and that angers her too. She says they have to pay the cost (I guess as a form of punishment). This is tearing our family apart. Please help.

—Something Borrowed

I fail to see how your daughter has been harmed in any way. Her ability to spin offense out of the thinnest strands of “thunder-stealing” rivals Rumpelstiltskin’s ability to spin straw into gold. Don’t think of this as losing your tightknit family. Part of what makes a family tightknit is the ability to handle conflict. Your daughter is throwing a tantrum and the best thing you can do for her (and yourself) is to refuse to humor her. She’s denying herself the opportunity to celebrate her brother’s wedding (and trying to manipulate him into giving up a substantial security deposit!) because she thinks the love and celebration that children deserve is a zero-sum game. It isn’t. Her brother proposing to his fiancé did not make her any less engaged to her own; her brother hosting his reception in the same building she once had hers does not diminish the uniqueness of her marriage. I hope very much this is an unusual lapse in grace for her. Tell her that she is being unreasonable and churlish, and that you look forward to her being able to put aside this imagined slight in time to celebrate her brother’s wedding. It’s going to be a lot of fun. She should try to have some.

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Page Summary

ysobel - Wedding booze
minoanmiss - Ask Amy: Harassment interferes with friendship
jadelennox - (no subject)
minoanmiss - Care & Feeding: Wedding vs Stepchild
ysobel - ...huh?
conuly - LW, what on earth is wrong with you?
conuly - Some people are waaaaaaay too invested in other people's business
cereta - Carolyn Hax: Feeling Left Out, Mother Dreads Son's Wedding
ysobel - Ask Amy: ...I hope this letter is fake
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: Maybe This Is The Same Wedding As Last Post?
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: My Fiancée Is Related to a Notorious Criminal...
cereta - Carolyn Hax: more shower stuff
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence/Care & Feeding: One Question Two Answers
lemonsharks - r/AmITheAsshole AITA for ordering pizza at a vegetarian wedding?
lemonsharks - Ask Amy: once again I am certain the races and nationalities involved are germane to this letter
lemonsharks - Ask Amy: this calls for fake dating
movingfinger - Dear Amy: I Need to Discipline my 34-Year-Old Daughter
ermingarden - Miss Manners: Elvis Chapel
minoanmiss - A Practical Wedding: Am I Going to Lose My Best Friend Because I Won’t Get Vaccinated?
beable - a coworker prayed for my fiancé’s death so we didn’t invite her to our wedding and now there's drama
fox - ask amy: going firm
lemonsharks - Dear Abby: Wedding invitation rescinded for one of two aunts
conuly - (no subject)
minoanmiss - Ask a Manager: If the caterer mentions my mom at my dad’s wedding, all hell will break loose
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: How Dare our DIL Have Boundaries
frenzy - Rom-com without the com.
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: My Granddaughter Won’t Invite My Best Friend to Her Wedding
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: Homophobic grandparents vs my daughter over my upcoming wedding
minoanmiss - Dear Prudence: I Helped My Sister Burn Her Wedding Dress. Now My Other Sister Won’t Speak to Me.
cynthia1960 - OMG wedding horror
cereta - And now for something lighter: Sense and Sensitivity
cereta - Dear Prudence: Plus one
cereta - Dear Abby: Couple Wants out of Sister-in-Law's Wedding Party
lilysea - Dear Y’All Need Help: I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a very conservative wedding
lilysea - Ask A Practical Wedding: Am I a Bad Friend If I Can’t Afford a $15,000 Bridesmaid Dress?
lilysea - Ask E. Jean: How Should I Pay Back My In-Laws?
lilysea - Dear Abby: Dear Abby Bride's Outrageous Demands Alienate Her Fiance's Sister
kaberett - Dear Mariella: My son is getting married and I'm not invited to the wedding
lilysea - Family pressures woman with serious health issues to wear unsafe clothing for a wedding
cereta - Dear Prudence: My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony
cereta - Dear Prudence: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something trivial

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