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petrea_mitchellA reader writes:
I work in a cubicle office and bring a trained, medically necessary service dog named “Betty” to the office with me. I allow her to socialize with coworkers on breaks, and she is very loved in the office for how friendly and adorable she is. She also adores her coworkers and thinks everyone is her best friend.
Unfortunately, a new coworker, “Sarah,” has been repeatedly ignoring service dog boundaries with Betty over the last six months.
These boundary violations include taking Betty out of my cube while I’m on work calls or distracted, removing her leash in public work areas without asking, entering my cube without permission to interact with her, and petting her or interacting with her when I step away from my desk. This has started to impact Betty’s training as she’s now having separation anxiety behaviors when I leave in order to get attention. Sarah would respond to this behavior, which escalated it, despite being asked repeatedly not to.
Things were at their worst today when Sarah not only removed Betty’s leash but also attempted to remove her service dog gear. I asked her to stop but this didn’t work, and I had to physically push her hands away from Betty.
I have had multiple conversations with Sarah about her behavior with little success. When I point out a specific behavior, Sarah will then start doing a new one or find different ways to circumvent the boundary and continue her interactions with Betty. This appears to be a pattern with Sarah, as there are other areas where she struggles to incorporate feedback.
All my conversations with Sarah so far have been verbal and in the moment, as we are equals and I don’t feel it is my place to supervise her behavior. I did message my supervisor about the concerns when they started escalating and we had a one-on-one about it. My supervisor then spoke with Sarah’s supervisor about the issues and a one-on-one was had with Sarah about a month ago. Despite this, the behavior has not gotten better and seems to be getting worse.
I have had a previous negative experience with HR where I was blamed for not handling a verbally aggressive and threatening coworker with clearer boundaries before escalating to them. This time I want to make sure that I’m doing everything I can and should before I escalate things to HR again. I also don’t want to ruin the atmosphere of the office by cutting off all contact to Betty due to one coworker being unable to follow boundaries. What should I do in this instance to handle it professionally and not step on toes or upset HR?
– Trying to keep my working dog working
( Read more... )
( Plus, an update from the comments )
I work in a cubicle office and bring a trained, medically necessary service dog named “Betty” to the office with me. I allow her to socialize with coworkers on breaks, and she is very loved in the office for how friendly and adorable she is. She also adores her coworkers and thinks everyone is her best friend.
Unfortunately, a new coworker, “Sarah,” has been repeatedly ignoring service dog boundaries with Betty over the last six months.
These boundary violations include taking Betty out of my cube while I’m on work calls or distracted, removing her leash in public work areas without asking, entering my cube without permission to interact with her, and petting her or interacting with her when I step away from my desk. This has started to impact Betty’s training as she’s now having separation anxiety behaviors when I leave in order to get attention. Sarah would respond to this behavior, which escalated it, despite being asked repeatedly not to.
Things were at their worst today when Sarah not only removed Betty’s leash but also attempted to remove her service dog gear. I asked her to stop but this didn’t work, and I had to physically push her hands away from Betty.
I have had multiple conversations with Sarah about her behavior with little success. When I point out a specific behavior, Sarah will then start doing a new one or find different ways to circumvent the boundary and continue her interactions with Betty. This appears to be a pattern with Sarah, as there are other areas where she struggles to incorporate feedback.
All my conversations with Sarah so far have been verbal and in the moment, as we are equals and I don’t feel it is my place to supervise her behavior. I did message my supervisor about the concerns when they started escalating and we had a one-on-one about it. My supervisor then spoke with Sarah’s supervisor about the issues and a one-on-one was had with Sarah about a month ago. Despite this, the behavior has not gotten better and seems to be getting worse.
I have had a previous negative experience with HR where I was blamed for not handling a verbally aggressive and threatening coworker with clearer boundaries before escalating to them. This time I want to make sure that I’m doing everything I can and should before I escalate things to HR again. I also don’t want to ruin the atmosphere of the office by cutting off all contact to Betty due to one coworker being unable to follow boundaries. What should I do in this instance to handle it professionally and not step on toes or upset HR?
– Trying to keep my working dog working
( Read more... )
( Plus, an update from the comments )
minoanmissContent advisories: drunkenness, groping, unarmed violence, chaos, epic holiday partying.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
minoanmiss...and the person I reported it to didn’t seem too concerned Content advisory: ableism, and also sexual harassment. ( Read more... )
minoanmissContent advisories: bodily fluids, nudiry, sexual harassment
( CEO being VERY INAPPROPRIATE; bodily fluids )
( Nudity and people should know better )
( CEO being VERY INAPPROPRIATE; bodily fluids )
( Nudity and people should know better )
matsushimaI’ve been working at a university library for a little over a year now and have had a hard time making friends. Shortly after I started, I befriended a coworker, “Morgan,” who is also relatively new, and it has been nice getting to know them and commiserating about how hard it is to make friends in a new city and workplace.
Over the course of our friendship, Morgan has opened up more and more about the interpersonal problems they’ve had with our colleagues. They describe scenarios where collaborative projects get stalled because other stakeholders stop communicating with them, coworkers they were getting lunch with on a weekly basis suddenly stop responding to chats, and other frustrations with navigating bureaucracy that interferes with their work. It’s hard to tell if Morgan is becoming increasingly disgruntled or if they are now very comfortable with telling me their unfiltered feelings.
I’ve also had to navigate some fairly horrendous problems as a new employee, so it’s been nice to have a coworker who understands and sympathizes with our (somewhat) dysfunctional workplace culture. Morgan has made it very clear to me that they are only here for the time being and have already decided that this is not the city they would like to stay in long-term. Personally, I want to retire here and have worked very hard to improve my situation. It feels very different for me today than it did a year ago, which is why it’s become increasingly difficult to navigate Morgan’s constant negativity.
Morgan can be a lot of fun to talk to, but they’re in an increasingly bad mental space at work. They frequently come to my office to gripe for an hour or two in spite of how busy I am; I’m always actively working and trying to concentrate when they pop into my office. To my fault, they ask if it’s a good time to chat and I always say yes because they’ve been so hurt by our coworkers pulling away and I’m afraid of upsetting them. On top of this, they’ve become increasingly argumentative with me when they’re looking to talk. Again, I would say this is my fault because they are looking to vent and I’m always trying to provide solutions, so I think it’s taken as invalidating Morgan’s feelings.
Morgan is in such a bad mental space at work that seemingly any type of feedback or dialogue that they disagree with comes off as an attack. One of the issues they’ve had with multiple colleagues is that they invalidate Morgan’s feelings. Morgan has described situations where they complained about something to a colleague and rather than agreeing with and consoling Morgan, they essentially said to look on the bright side. For example, Morgan was upset about a change made to their office and the coworker responded with, “At least you have your own office.” Morgan has many examples of conversations like this and cites it as a workplace culture issue. In addition, Morgan holds on to comments like this (that took place months and months ago) and often refers back to them as examples of how bad things are. At this point, I am very afraid of upsetting Morgan because I like them, and their hyper-sensitivity is a bit triggering in light of all the reparative work I’ve done for my position and unit.
One more detail about Morgan that I think plays a factor is their odor. Morgan has a strong mildewy smell wherever they go. The odor fills a room and I can often tell if they’ve recently been in a space because of the smell. I believe Morgan maintains good hygiene practices, but that they are unaware of the fact that a lot of their clothing has developed a pungent mildew odor. Depending on how strongly they smell, it can be very difficult to spend extended periods of time with them. I’ve avoided spending time with them outside of work, like inviting them to my home, because the smell is so off-putting and am wondering if it has contributed to their interactions with coworkers.
How do I take a step back with Morgan without further inciting them?
( Alison's answer )
- how do I step back from a friendship with an intensely negative and argumentative coworker?
Over the course of our friendship, Morgan has opened up more and more about the interpersonal problems they’ve had with our colleagues. They describe scenarios where collaborative projects get stalled because other stakeholders stop communicating with them, coworkers they were getting lunch with on a weekly basis suddenly stop responding to chats, and other frustrations with navigating bureaucracy that interferes with their work. It’s hard to tell if Morgan is becoming increasingly disgruntled or if they are now very comfortable with telling me their unfiltered feelings.
I’ve also had to navigate some fairly horrendous problems as a new employee, so it’s been nice to have a coworker who understands and sympathizes with our (somewhat) dysfunctional workplace culture. Morgan has made it very clear to me that they are only here for the time being and have already decided that this is not the city they would like to stay in long-term. Personally, I want to retire here and have worked very hard to improve my situation. It feels very different for me today than it did a year ago, which is why it’s become increasingly difficult to navigate Morgan’s constant negativity.
Morgan can be a lot of fun to talk to, but they’re in an increasingly bad mental space at work. They frequently come to my office to gripe for an hour or two in spite of how busy I am; I’m always actively working and trying to concentrate when they pop into my office. To my fault, they ask if it’s a good time to chat and I always say yes because they’ve been so hurt by our coworkers pulling away and I’m afraid of upsetting them. On top of this, they’ve become increasingly argumentative with me when they’re looking to talk. Again, I would say this is my fault because they are looking to vent and I’m always trying to provide solutions, so I think it’s taken as invalidating Morgan’s feelings.
Morgan is in such a bad mental space at work that seemingly any type of feedback or dialogue that they disagree with comes off as an attack. One of the issues they’ve had with multiple colleagues is that they invalidate Morgan’s feelings. Morgan has described situations where they complained about something to a colleague and rather than agreeing with and consoling Morgan, they essentially said to look on the bright side. For example, Morgan was upset about a change made to their office and the coworker responded with, “At least you have your own office.” Morgan has many examples of conversations like this and cites it as a workplace culture issue. In addition, Morgan holds on to comments like this (that took place months and months ago) and often refers back to them as examples of how bad things are. At this point, I am very afraid of upsetting Morgan because I like them, and their hyper-sensitivity is a bit triggering in light of all the reparative work I’ve done for my position and unit.
One more detail about Morgan that I think plays a factor is their odor. Morgan has a strong mildewy smell wherever they go. The odor fills a room and I can often tell if they’ve recently been in a space because of the smell. I believe Morgan maintains good hygiene practices, but that they are unaware of the fact that a lot of their clothing has developed a pungent mildew odor. Depending on how strongly they smell, it can be very difficult to spend extended periods of time with them. I’ve avoided spending time with them outside of work, like inviting them to my home, because the smell is so off-putting and am wondering if it has contributed to their interactions with coworkers.
How do I take a step back with Morgan without further inciting them?
( Alison's answer )
- how do I step back from a friendship with an intensely negative and argumentative coworker?
minoanmiss[Be warned, the the main discussion of the post is s about #3, a letter about a coworker with gastric issues. At least people are being pretty good about labeling their responses. Beyond the ... details... it is fast descending into a fight between proponents and opponents of ableism. Thhs is letter #1] about the ethics of refusing service.( Read more... )
Two Ethics Quests from Ask A Manager
May. 27th, 2025 10:42 amminoanmissI am having trouble including the link, due to not being able to see properly. sorry about that.
1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee ( Read more... )
2. My employee has terrible attendance issues … in this economy? ( Read more... )
1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee ( Read more... )
2. My employee has terrible attendance issues … in this economy? ( Read more... )
minoanmissContent advisory: all sorts of harassment from bigoted speech to unwelcome touching. ( Read more... )
minoanmiss(The lede is 6 feet down here. Contains: volunteering, sexism in practice regardless of what is in anyone's heart, autism.)
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
