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agonyaunt2024-12-10 09:37 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2024-12-10 09:37 am
Entry tags:
Care & Feeding: My Mother Seems Hellbent on Sabotaging My New Career
I’m a recent college graduate, and I’ve started a small freelance business for graphic design. Things are going well, and building, but I moved back in with my parents to help save on costs.I do chores around the house and pay rent, but I’ll admit I’m paying about 1/5th of the market rate, and I am very grateful for the opportunity to save on costs while I’m getting myself established. However, the move back in has been a bit rough. My mother is what you could call “technologically impaired,” and she only works part-time, so she’s at home a lot. She seems to be psychologically incapable of understanding the difference between me on my computer and working, and me on my computer and not working. My room doesn’t lock either, so I can’t physically keep her out, and roughly once a day she’ll wander by when I’m working, twitter on about something pointless until I get fed up and ask her to leave so I can work on whatever project I’m doing. She’ll look hurt, apologize, promise never to do it again, and be back again the next day.
0:14
/
0:30
That was irritating enough, but earlier this morning was the final straw. I was talking with a prospective new client, and for a contract that’s pretty big from where I’m sitting. We’re going over requirements, and my mom must have heard me talking because she bustles into my room, “Oh, you’ve made a new friend” wanders over behind the screen, and starts trying to chat up the client. Needless to say, I did not get the contract, and that cost me almost a grand. We had another fight about it, and she’s promised not to come by when I’m working, but she’s broken all the other promises along those lines, so I don’t have much faith in this one. I’d move out, if I could afford to, but I can’t and I probably won’t be able to for several months at least. I’ll never be able to leave if she keeps chasing away clients. How do I make this work?
—Trying to Launch
Dear Trying to Launch,
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Living at home with your parents as an adult can be awkward, but there are literally millions of young adults like you doing the exact same thing. In order to make this temporary situation more palatable, you need to set firm boundaries with your mom. Speaking of which, kudos to you for paying rent, because setting ground rules would be even tougher if you were living there for free.
You mentioned that you’re living with both of your parents, so that means your mom’s spouse is still in the picture. I would ensure that your other parent is by your side as an ally, because interventions are more effective when more than one person approaches the individual with the problem. With both parents present, you should say something like, “Mom, I love you and I’m thankful that you are letting me stay here. My goal is to build up my business so I can afford to move out on my own, but you’re making it really difficult for me. Recently I lost out on a big contract because you interrupted an important client meeting. I know you want me to be successful, but interrupting my work is not helping. Not only is it impacting my progress, but it’s making me build resentment towards you. Again, I love you, but this has to stop.”
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With her spouse there to back you up, she should realize that she stepped in it, and will do what it takes to make things right. To ensure she really gets it, you should print up a “Do Not Disturb” sign and tape it to the door during important meetings—or if you want to be really extreme, put a large piece of furniture in front of the door that will prevent it from opening—but good grief, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
On the flipside, I’m sure she truly values having her son home, so you should take a small break during the workday to spend time with her. That could mean eating a snack together, walking around the block, or just listening to one of her “pointless” stories.
If you do all of the above, then the unwanted interruptions should end altogether.
0:14
/
0:30
That was irritating enough, but earlier this morning was the final straw. I was talking with a prospective new client, and for a contract that’s pretty big from where I’m sitting. We’re going over requirements, and my mom must have heard me talking because she bustles into my room, “Oh, you’ve made a new friend” wanders over behind the screen, and starts trying to chat up the client. Needless to say, I did not get the contract, and that cost me almost a grand. We had another fight about it, and she’s promised not to come by when I’m working, but she’s broken all the other promises along those lines, so I don’t have much faith in this one. I’d move out, if I could afford to, but I can’t and I probably won’t be able to for several months at least. I’ll never be able to leave if she keeps chasing away clients. How do I make this work?
—Trying to Launch
Dear Trying to Launch,
Advertisement
Living at home with your parents as an adult can be awkward, but there are literally millions of young adults like you doing the exact same thing. In order to make this temporary situation more palatable, you need to set firm boundaries with your mom. Speaking of which, kudos to you for paying rent, because setting ground rules would be even tougher if you were living there for free.
You mentioned that you’re living with both of your parents, so that means your mom’s spouse is still in the picture. I would ensure that your other parent is by your side as an ally, because interventions are more effective when more than one person approaches the individual with the problem. With both parents present, you should say something like, “Mom, I love you and I’m thankful that you are letting me stay here. My goal is to build up my business so I can afford to move out on my own, but you’re making it really difficult for me. Recently I lost out on a big contract because you interrupted an important client meeting. I know you want me to be successful, but interrupting my work is not helping. Not only is it impacting my progress, but it’s making me build resentment towards you. Again, I love you, but this has to stop.”
Advertisement
With her spouse there to back you up, she should realize that she stepped in it, and will do what it takes to make things right. To ensure she really gets it, you should print up a “Do Not Disturb” sign and tape it to the door during important meetings—or if you want to be really extreme, put a large piece of furniture in front of the door that will prevent it from opening—but good grief, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
On the flipside, I’m sure she truly values having her son home, so you should take a small break during the workday to spend time with her. That could mean eating a snack together, walking around the block, or just listening to one of her “pointless” stories.
If you do all of the above, then the unwanted interruptions should end altogether.