Dear Zombie Preacher: Why are all the imaginary lions and gladiators so mean to me?

[jadelennox]

A key fact necessary to understand the face I am making. Billy Graham died in 2018.

From the writings of the Rev. Billy Graham

Dear Dr. Graham:

I became a Christian a few years ago and I thought my troubles would go away. Now that I have learned more from the Bible, I realize that being a Christian can add to our problems. During COVID-19 I have seen how the church has come under attack. Why is this?

---

— C.T.

Dear C.T.: It’s never easy to be a Christian; it can bring its own loneliness, unpopularity, and problems. It’s human nature to dislike, resent, or regard with suspicion anyone who is “different.” This is one of the great problems today. Tribal differences, class differences, ethnic differences, and cultural differences separate people. Such differences often lead not only to misunderstanding, but to war.

In A.D. 64 there was great persecution of Christians in Rome. The Apostle Peter spoke about the intense fiery trial shortly to come upon the church. The popularity of evangelical Christianity in America may be short-lived. The Bible teaches, and history confirms, that the church can be strengthened when it goes through the furnace.

When the Christian brings the standards of Jesus Christ to bear upon life in a materialistic and secularistic world, it is often resented. Because the moral and spiritual demands of Jesus Christ are so high, they often set the Christian “apart.” This can bring about suffering, fear, and even persecution. One of the answers to the “why” of suffering is given in the Bible: “For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:6-7, NIV). This is the key to understanding trouble that comes to Christians — to bring honor and glory to God.

source

Comments

[jadelennox]

Also it's important to note that Billy Graham was complicated, and was not at all the current vision of a right wing evangelical leader. He worked very hard to be non-partisan, though he certainly endorsed many bigoted, reactionary views, only some of which evolved over time. It's not at all clear that he would have endorsed the view that "during covid the church has come under attack" (what does that even mean?).

Also important to know that it's not clear if these words are direct quotations from Graham himself, but I'm pretty sure they're paraphrases that are presented as if they come from Zombie Graham himself. Nor do said paraphrases actually address the conspiratorial question at all, because Billy Graham, even in paraphrase, can't be twisted that way.

(Leaving all of that aside, *laughs in minority religion*.)

[minoanmiss]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*ahem*

waitaminnit. Is this a column where someone fanfics Billy Graham's purported answers?

Also OMG my HEART I literally gave this the I Saw A Ghost reaction because I grew up being forced to listen to his sermons and he died in 2018 and Now He's Back AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jadelennox]

I think it might be! I have to go look for more of them!

I feel like I should have put on a content warning...

but seriously, why the fuck.

[minoanmiss]

Nah, no content warning needed, at least not for me. I enjoyed the opportunity to be overdramatic (shocking, I know). :D

[jadelennox]

Yikes, yes, a whole column of uncredited fanfic.

(It's syndicated, but to open more than a few on this particular news site I had to use private tabs to avoid the paywall).

So there's missing reasons galore and it's all totally uncredited fanfic, never pointing to which Graham words they're paraphrasing.

[cereta]

...I got nothin'.

[watersword]

I desperately want to make a joke about resurrection here but I have too many options!

[dine]

the only thing I can think of is his son is also in the field - at least, I see late night ads featuring him telling people pray this prayer to accept Jesus. maybe the letter was intended for him? or possibly the zombie preacher has arisen

[jamoche]

It's amazingly easy to be a Christian in a country where that's considered the default, unless you're determined to be the kind of Christian that annoys everyone around them. In my church "go get vaxxed" came down from the very top so I do not feel the least bit "attacked".