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Dear Prudence: Plus one
Q. Wedding +1: I can’t believe I’m asking this question, but I’ve become super-duper anxious all of a sudden. I was invited to a wedding of a longtime, but not close, friend. I was given a plus one, which just says “guest.” I want to bring a friend, one whom the couple has met a few times. The couple has no idea whether I’m dating anyone, they don’t know my orientation, and they gave me a plus one anyway. The internet seems dead set against bringing anyone other than a date, but I can’t imagine that these people, who are queer-friendly, are super into conventional, couple-centric etiquette. So, can I bring my friend? Should I calm down?
A: If I count as part of the internet, then it certainly isn’t all dead set against bringing anyone besides a romantic Interest as a plus one to a wedding. You’ve been given a plus one and get to use it as you see fit. (Does the internet think that if you’re not in a romantic relationship, you should return your plus one to the happy couple and arrive stag? What’s going on with the internet today?) Bring your friend and have a great time.
Follow Up:
Q. Re: Wedding +1: It is unbelievably rude to bring a friend to a wedding. This really is for dates only. A wedding is not about you. It is about a couple. It is one thing to come with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but another to impose on them a random friend they have not invited and now have to pay for. (A wedding dinner’s cost per head is expensive.) If the letter writer is not close enough that the couple doesn’t even know whether she is queer, to do that is just outrageous.
A: Why on earth would it be rude to bring a friend to a wedding? In what way is bringing a guest when an invitation specifies that one can bring a guest making someone else’s wedding “about you”? I agree that it would be rude, inconvenient, and financially burdensome to bring a guest when an invitation doesn’t specify a plus one, but I’m not at all clear on why you think this is so outrageous.
A: If I count as part of the internet, then it certainly isn’t all dead set against bringing anyone besides a romantic Interest as a plus one to a wedding. You’ve been given a plus one and get to use it as you see fit. (Does the internet think that if you’re not in a romantic relationship, you should return your plus one to the happy couple and arrive stag? What’s going on with the internet today?) Bring your friend and have a great time.
Follow Up:
Q. Re: Wedding +1: It is unbelievably rude to bring a friend to a wedding. This really is for dates only. A wedding is not about you. It is about a couple. It is one thing to come with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but another to impose on them a random friend they have not invited and now have to pay for. (A wedding dinner’s cost per head is expensive.) If the letter writer is not close enough that the couple doesn’t even know whether she is queer, to do that is just outrageous.
A: Why on earth would it be rude to bring a friend to a wedding? In what way is bringing a guest when an invitation specifies that one can bring a guest making someone else’s wedding “about you”? I agree that it would be rude, inconvenient, and financially burdensome to bring a guest when an invitation doesn’t specify a plus one, but I’m not at all clear on why you think this is so outrageous.