Dear Abby: Wedding invitation rescinded for one of two aunts

[lemonsharks]

August 1, 2021 at 12:13 a.m.
Categories:Advice, Uncategorized
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married. Due to COVID restrictions, she had to cut back her guest list after sending “save the dates.” She wrote nice letters to those who were now uninvited, explaining the situation and how devastated she was. Well, one of my two sisters received a letter, and my family is falling apart over it.

My daughter and her fiance chose to keep the people they were closest to and who are a part of their close church family. My sister did not meet that criteria. However, my daughter is extremely close to sister No. 2, who was invited.

I am helping to pay for the wedding, but because the situation has become so stressful for my daughter, I have chosen not to push the issue. I’m losing sleep and what’s left of my relationship with my excluded sister over this. My mom is also devastated. The sister who was invited says I need to fix this. The shunned sister says she wouldn’t come even if she was given a pity invite. I’m sick about this. How do I move forward? — NAUSEOUS IN NEW YORK


DEAR NAUSEOUS: Regrettable as it is, what’s done is done. Your shunned sister says she wouldn’t attend your daughter’s wedding if she were invited at this late date. Your daughter and her fiance issued those invitations without your input, and now they will suffer the consequences.

Move forward by apologizing to your sister for your daughter’s unfortunate “mistake” and assuring her that your relationship with her is unchanged. If your sister is the only person in your family who wasn’t on the guest list, she has a right to her hurt feelings and, frankly, I sympathize with her. But this should not create a permanent rift in your entire family.

Comments

[lemonsharks]

Why do weddings make everyone so stupid?

(That is a hyperbolic question. Mostly.)

[beable]

Why do weddings make everyone so stupid

Especially advice columnists

[minoanmiss]

It's BECAUSE OF COVID YOU NINNIES

omg.

[lemonsharks]

I KNOW RIGHT.

Why! Why does everyone get so het out of shape about weddings!

It's like all of a sudden we're all transported back to second grade and declaring people our "fifth best friend" or something.

I swear I'm imposing a "no guests we haven't spoken to at least once in the last 12 months, for a conversation longer than a meme" rule if I ever get married.

[shirou]

Dear LW: Do not apologize for your daughter's "mistake" (or pay attention to Abby's advice in general). Tell your sister she needs to pretend to be a mature adult for one minute and get over this. She is not being excluded. She is being asked to help control the spread of a deadly pandemic.

Also, she gets to skip a wedding! Weddings are a pain. She should count her blessings, pour herself a glass of wine, and enjoy a comfortable evening watching Netflix in her PJs.

[jadelennox]

1000000% on all of this.

[eva_rosen]

LW said 'what's left of my relationship' with not-invited sister, so they obviously get along not so greatly, but LW seems to want to keep 'some' kind of contact with said sister, so perhaps is not so terrible to try to pacify her. OTOH, it doesn't sound like the sister and the daughter cared much for each other previous to this wedding thing, so it doesn't seem too terrible if sister decides to avoid daughter for a while, and the rest of the family lets them be, since both are adults and should resolve their issues without dragging everyone else with them?

[cereta]

Weddings. UGH.

[gingicat]

I had a small wedding 16 years before COVID to avoid just this situation. Even my favorite roommate wasn't invited.

Also "apologizing" to the sister will create a rift between LW and daughter, did Abby think of that?

[naath]

should I ever decide I need the tax break it will be two strangers off the street (UK law requires 2 witnesses, the celebrant, and the couple). why do people get so gosh darn entitled about other people's weddings?

[xenacryst]

LW: Pour your own self a glass of wine and take up a new hobby that doesn't involve other people.

LW's daughter: Elope. Last week, if you can manage it.