agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married, and my fiance's daughters, 19 and 21, are in the wedding party. I have purchased the dresses they are wearing, which are light and flowing. I have told the girls that on the day of the wedding I do not want them wearing thong underwear. The older one then went to her dad and said she didn't want to wear regular underwear. He told her she could wear whatever she wants. I have tried telling them that as young ladies there are times you don't wear thongs, and under a flowing dress is one of them. It's ONE DAY of their lives. How can I get my point across? -- WISE BRIDE IN PHOENIX

DEAR WISE BRIDE: Explain to your fiance exactly why you are concerned about his daughters wearing thong underwear under their bridesmaid dresses and, when you do, be graphic. After that, if he still feels the same, accept it. Then pray no slip-ups occur while they are dancing, and no strong gusts of wind come along when the wedding photos are taken.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2021/06/17

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While I personally HATE thongs, underwear which is underneath clothes is no one's business except the clothes wearer and maybe their doctor...

RIGHT!? Like, exactly how skimpy are these dresses?

I loathe thongs, and still feel like this woman is being inappropriate.

If the dresses aren’t unduly sheer or precariously short (and if they are, why did she pick them?), underwear is not going to be an issue.

This is not the way to treat your partner’s ADULT daughters, but it’s a really good way to start the wedding on a sour, resentful, intrusive note.

Drop it, LW.

1. Legal adults.

2. Adults who are the children of your fiancee.

3. Adult children of your fiancee, in whose future you have an investment (if only as the woman their father has married) and in whose past you have little to no part.

My advice to LW: this is one of those things you just gotta let go.

It occurs to me that if they're habitual thong wearers, they may not have 'regular' undies (or nice ones?), so they're not just being unnecessarily underwear policed, they're being forced to buy yet another thing for a wedding, which tend to be expensive to go to

Yes, I have known people who basically can't wear regular underwear on account of they always bunch up, and if they're going to get a wedgie they'd rather have a thong wedgie than a briefs wedgie.

Okay, maybe I'm being dense, here, but what exactly is the LW's concern over them wearing thongs? Like, Abby mentions strong winds. Okay, well, a windy day + flowing dresses is going to cause problems for outdoor pictures (or anything else) anyway. I say this as someone who wears flowing dresses and skirts pretty much every day.

I've seen a lot of people get dress wedgies when they're wearing thongs or going commando, so that was my first thought. I can also see thongs being an issue if the dresses are knee-length - having had a couple Marilyn moments myself in my younger years, I almost always wear bike shorts under my skirts/dresses now! But it really seems a step too far to dictate what kind of underwear these girls should be wearing at the wedding - they're old enough to have an idea of how to dress appropriately.

Huh. I've had issues with dresses and skirts getting stuck either to my thighs or between them, so I could see that, although it's really just a matter of automatically tugging on the skirt as you stand up. And God knows, I've had Marilyn moments a'plenty, although I wear tights just about any time the temp is below the low 60's. Weirdly, it took me until about ten years ago to stop wearing bike shorts under my skirts and dresses - I went to Catholic school, and we always wore shorts under our uniforms, so I felt kind of naked without them. But it became increasingly hard to find them in my size, and they kind of bunch up when I walk, so...yeah. I would probably still be wearing them if I worked at a school where I had to walk any real distance, especially outside, to get to and from class, but that would be more for chub-rub than modesty.

I wear compression shorts from Old Navy's activewear department under my skirts and dresses all summer. Mainly for chub rub purposes, but the last area I worked in was pretty windy. I also like having a extra level of modesty if I end up having a more active day due to work things (I'm a property manager)

Ah! Dress wedgies is so far the only thing I've seen that makes this make any sense. But I used to wear thin, flowy skirts all summer with granny panties and still just got in the habit of yanking whenever I stood up. OP that is not solved by thonglessness; if you care that much buy them slips of a heavier fabric that match the dress.

My first thought was that a “light” dress would be more likely to show panty lines, which is an argument for thongs, not against. I can’t figure out why OP feels otherwise - she chose the dresses, so if she picked something you can’t dance in without the world becoming your gynecologist, or the venue is so windy that ditto, that’s entirely on her.

right? if the dress would show something private in a g-string, it will show something private in granny knickers. and lots of people would rather expose the skin of their upper thigh than the fabric of their underpants, and I can't say that's particularly outre a call.

i'd rather my bare ass be exposed to the world than wear the UNDERWEAR my STEP MOM told me to wear.

I think they should definitely wear boxer briefs and Doc Martens.

You joke, but I think pretty dresses with combat boots or Doc Martens is an awesome look. I blame the first Resident Evil movie.

I blame that movie for a lot of my boots and dresses look.

I just rewatched it recently, and noticed that Alice's boots are flats. I was impressed!

weddings. *shakes head* I really hope this is a temprary case of BrideZillaDom on LW's part.

Hem weights.
Or bike shorts.

Are there any other columnists who would not have used this letter as an excuse to scold, mock, or WTF at the LW? Like, for anyone else with an advice column, "Explain to your fiance exactly why you are concerned about his daughters wearing thong underwear under their bridesmaid dresses and, when you do, be graphic" would be an obvious lead in, a la:

Explain to your fiance exactly why you are concerned about his daughters wearing thong underwear under their bridesmaid dresses and, when you do, be graphic. Write back and let us know how the conversation went! We are all waiting with baited breath for his response as to why his spouse, presumably of a different generation than these young women who are only just of legal age, is so concerned with his daughters' nethers. Were you planning on performing inspections? How do you expect to ensure compliance?

'Wear modest undies because everyone will see them with the dresses I picked' is not an argument worth making, LW. Though by all means do tell future hubby why he should only look at his daughters (and probably the rest of his female relatives) from the neck up during the wedding.