Agony Aunt

Dear Miss Manners: I have been friends with a woman for almost 15 years. We are part of a group that often gets together for game nights, and we also celebrate important days in our lives.

On her last birthday, I offered to take her out to dinner, something we have done for both of our birthdays every year. She responded by saying she wants to take a break from seeing all the people in the gaming group until further notice. Our other friends say they still see her, but she refuses to see me or respond to my texts or emails. I am confused and bewildered about why she has ended our friendship. Our other friends aren’t sure why she made this decision.

I would apologize, but don’t know what I did to create this chasm between us. After no response to two emails and a letter where I expressed a desire to talk through what is going on, I don’t know what else to do. Should I just accept the end of our friendship and move on? Even if she eventually reaches out, I am hurt and confused and not sure how to respond.

It is too soon to give up, if only because you admit the possibility that you may have done something that requires an apology. The question is, what?

Contrary to what you have been told, your other friends — at least some of them — do know what happened. They just (understandably) do not want to be put in the middle. Ask them again, one by one, until one confesses, reports your question back to your longtime friend or persuades you they truly don’t know. The most likely outcome is that you will learn something that will inform you of what to do next.

Actual title I want a silent wedding reception. My fiance says it’s ‘irrational.’

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.

My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us). My fiance said that this is irrational. He does not want to have a silent wedding.

I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family. The guests are not permitted to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom. Instrumental music will be playing quietly.

During the reception, the guests may whisper among one another, but may not speak aloud. As the newly married couple, our focus should remain solely on each other rather than on any rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.

Is my fiance’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?

— Silence is Golden

Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they’re yellow, of course).

I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now — I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families.

Your fiance’s job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.

Let’s move on to the silence. Generally, guests don’t speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.