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agonyaunt2025-09-03 09:48 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-09-03 09:48 am
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: Two from the same column (horrible call overheard and employability vs nudity)
[be warned, the same column contains another iteration of The Harry Potter Debate]
1. Should I do anything about an abusive phone conversation I overheard?
Where I work, we have a few departments sharing the same floor of a main administrative building, and I’ve gotten friendly with many of my colleagues. One of them, let’s call her Jane, seems like the most mild-mannered woman in the world, and she struck me as genuinely kind, if quiet and reserved. We’ll say hi and are friendly, but I know nothing about her family or home situation.
The other day, I was returning from lunch and overheard her in the hall having a very angry conversation on the phone. She was hurling insults, calling the person “demented,” “idiot,” and “fucking liar” multiple times, and her tone was genuinely frightening. She also said she was “going to start taking away your food,” which after reflection gave me concerns that this person has a dependent relationship with her, most likely her child but maybe a vulnerable elder.
Most times, I would simply ignore someone having an argument as none of my business, and I haven’t said anything to anyone yet because it took me a few days to process the situation. But it’s now sinking in that the conversation was the definition of verbal abuse, and I’m worried about possible physical abuse happening in the form of withholding food, not to mention the questions it raises about what happens and how she behaves towards this person when she’s NOT at work. Should I report my concerns to HR? Best practice is usually mind your own business, but does what I heard cross the line into something reportable, acknowledging I have zero context on the conversation?
That’s a horrible way to talk to anyone, even leaving the food comment out of it, and I can see why you were alarmed.
But you don’t have enough context to know what this was about. For all we know, “I’m going to start taking away your food” was a response to her partner trying to restrict what she eats or continually taking the lunches she packs her herself (so it was a tit-for-tat thing — still not good, but not an indication of abuse toward a dependent).
I know that’s a really unsatisfying answer because maybe there is a dependent involved and it’s more like what you’re worried about. There’s just not enough info here to know or to make it something HR could act on. I think you’ve just got to accept that you overheard something disturbing but that it’s not something you can read enough into.
_*_*_*_
3. Will I be unhireable if I do a naked bike ride?
I’m wondering what your thoughts are regarding an employee’s personal life during the hiring process. With the existence of facial recognition technology and employers searching candidates online, it’s hard to feel like I can live my life anymore and still get a job.
I’m a very professional person, but there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do and I want to do it next year. I want to ride in the World Naked Bike Ride. Unfortunately for me, many of the riders get photographed during the ride and nude pictures of them get posted online. Personally, this doesn’t bother me in any way whatsoever. My worry, though, is that if a future employer finds a nude picture of me from the ride during the hiring process, I will not get a job and become unemployable at large and never have a good career.
Part of me thinks employers won’t care, especially since I am not in a particularly sensitive field. I am a pastry chef. Should I just do the ride and live my life? I don’t think most employers use facial recognition technology anyways so if a picture is untagged I should be okay!? I also have a bad habit of overthinking. Also, I must mention that I won’t be taking pictures of myself or posting any on my social media. Do you think if I did the ride that I would be okay and still be able to have a good career? I do also feel that things have changed in the past 10 years and that nudity is largely accepted now for non-sensitive professions. What is your opinion on all this and what advice would you have for someone who wants to do something like this?
Do the ride and live your life. Employers do google candidates, but the vast, vast majority are not using facial recognition technology (in fact, I’d guess none of them are). If somehow a photo is connected to you anyhow, it’s very unlikely to be an issue in your line of work.
Go enjoy the ride.
1. Should I do anything about an abusive phone conversation I overheard?
Where I work, we have a few departments sharing the same floor of a main administrative building, and I’ve gotten friendly with many of my colleagues. One of them, let’s call her Jane, seems like the most mild-mannered woman in the world, and she struck me as genuinely kind, if quiet and reserved. We’ll say hi and are friendly, but I know nothing about her family or home situation.
The other day, I was returning from lunch and overheard her in the hall having a very angry conversation on the phone. She was hurling insults, calling the person “demented,” “idiot,” and “fucking liar” multiple times, and her tone was genuinely frightening. She also said she was “going to start taking away your food,” which after reflection gave me concerns that this person has a dependent relationship with her, most likely her child but maybe a vulnerable elder.
Most times, I would simply ignore someone having an argument as none of my business, and I haven’t said anything to anyone yet because it took me a few days to process the situation. But it’s now sinking in that the conversation was the definition of verbal abuse, and I’m worried about possible physical abuse happening in the form of withholding food, not to mention the questions it raises about what happens and how she behaves towards this person when she’s NOT at work. Should I report my concerns to HR? Best practice is usually mind your own business, but does what I heard cross the line into something reportable, acknowledging I have zero context on the conversation?
That’s a horrible way to talk to anyone, even leaving the food comment out of it, and I can see why you were alarmed.
But you don’t have enough context to know what this was about. For all we know, “I’m going to start taking away your food” was a response to her partner trying to restrict what she eats or continually taking the lunches she packs her herself (so it was a tit-for-tat thing — still not good, but not an indication of abuse toward a dependent).
I know that’s a really unsatisfying answer because maybe there is a dependent involved and it’s more like what you’re worried about. There’s just not enough info here to know or to make it something HR could act on. I think you’ve just got to accept that you overheard something disturbing but that it’s not something you can read enough into.
3. Will I be unhireable if I do a naked bike ride?
I’m wondering what your thoughts are regarding an employee’s personal life during the hiring process. With the existence of facial recognition technology and employers searching candidates online, it’s hard to feel like I can live my life anymore and still get a job.
I’m a very professional person, but there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do and I want to do it next year. I want to ride in the World Naked Bike Ride. Unfortunately for me, many of the riders get photographed during the ride and nude pictures of them get posted online. Personally, this doesn’t bother me in any way whatsoever. My worry, though, is that if a future employer finds a nude picture of me from the ride during the hiring process, I will not get a job and become unemployable at large and never have a good career.
Part of me thinks employers won’t care, especially since I am not in a particularly sensitive field. I am a pastry chef. Should I just do the ride and live my life? I don’t think most employers use facial recognition technology anyways so if a picture is untagged I should be okay!? I also have a bad habit of overthinking. Also, I must mention that I won’t be taking pictures of myself or posting any on my social media. Do you think if I did the ride that I would be okay and still be able to have a good career? I do also feel that things have changed in the past 10 years and that nudity is largely accepted now for non-sensitive professions. What is your opinion on all this and what advice would you have for someone who wants to do something like this?
Do the ride and live your life. Employers do google candidates, but the vast, vast majority are not using facial recognition technology (in fact, I’d guess none of them are). If somehow a photo is connected to you anyhow, it’s very unlikely to be an issue in your line of work.
Go enjoy the ride.
no subject
no subject
LW1 could also try to befriend Jane outside of this phone call, without mentioning what they overheard. If Jane opens up enough to discuss her family, LW1 would have more context if LW1 overhears a similar disturbing conversation in future. Though this could backfire if Jane learns why LW1 is trying to get to know her better.
no subject
- a parent who used to abuse Jane
- an ex- who used to abuse Jane
- a partner who is currently abusing Jane.
People who have been treated very badly sometimes spit vitriol at the adults who treated them badly.