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agonyaunt2025-11-26 11:54 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-11-26 11:54 am
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Ask a Manager: 2. My husband’s boss wants him to hire the boss’s girlfriend
This one was recently reposted but unfortunately I can't find the post.
My husband’s boss wants my husband to consider hiring his girlfriend to work in my husband’s team. My husband knows the girlfriend since they all worked on an assignment before at a different company. My husband thinks he can get a better candidate, but the boss talks as if it’s a done deal and the girlfriend will be the one selected for the position. Also, the boss doesn’t want to be up-front with HR about this to make sure there are no rules prohibiting this; he says he will tell them when they get married, maybe in a year he said, and by that time he is considering moving on to another company.
My husband is worried that if he doesn’t hire her, his position is jeopardized; he is currently a manager and being promised a director position in the future.
Your husband should not hire his boss’s girlfriend; that is likely to be a management nightmare. What if he needs to give her feedback she doesn’t like? What if he has to fire her? What if she ignores him and goes over his head to his boss whenever she wants — for the projects she wants, or exceptions to rules, or blah blah blah? What about the perception of bias that will be in play whether or not it’s warranted, if people know she’s dating her boss’s boss? (None of this is a slam against the girlfriend or to imply she would deliberately use her relationship in inappropriate ways; it’s just that it’s human nature to talk to your significant other about work, especially when you work at the same place, and it is very, very hard to have a firewall on this stuff.)
Beyond all that, what about the legal liability to the company? There’s a reason most companies prohibit dating in your chain of command. It opens them up to allegations of harassment down the road. It’s a terrible idea.
Your husband should talk to HR about what’s going on and ask for help shutting this down — and for help in ensuring the boss doesn’t retaliate against him. (If he wants, he can tell his boss ahead of time that he feels obligated to clear it with HR.)
My husband’s boss wants my husband to consider hiring his girlfriend to work in my husband’s team. My husband knows the girlfriend since they all worked on an assignment before at a different company. My husband thinks he can get a better candidate, but the boss talks as if it’s a done deal and the girlfriend will be the one selected for the position. Also, the boss doesn’t want to be up-front with HR about this to make sure there are no rules prohibiting this; he says he will tell them when they get married, maybe in a year he said, and by that time he is considering moving on to another company.
My husband is worried that if he doesn’t hire her, his position is jeopardized; he is currently a manager and being promised a director position in the future.
Your husband should not hire his boss’s girlfriend; that is likely to be a management nightmare. What if he needs to give her feedback she doesn’t like? What if he has to fire her? What if she ignores him and goes over his head to his boss whenever she wants — for the projects she wants, or exceptions to rules, or blah blah blah? What about the perception of bias that will be in play whether or not it’s warranted, if people know she’s dating her boss’s boss? (None of this is a slam against the girlfriend or to imply she would deliberately use her relationship in inappropriate ways; it’s just that it’s human nature to talk to your significant other about work, especially when you work at the same place, and it is very, very hard to have a firewall on this stuff.)
Beyond all that, what about the legal liability to the company? There’s a reason most companies prohibit dating in your chain of command. It opens them up to allegations of harassment down the road. It’s a terrible idea.
Your husband should talk to HR about what’s going on and ask for help shutting this down — and for help in ensuring the boss doesn’t retaliate against him. (If he wants, he can tell his boss ahead of time that he feels obligated to clear it with HR.)
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2) HR Is Not Our Friend. In my experience they exist to benefit the company, which means the people in charge of the company. Anyone not in the C-suite is a replaceable cog.
I guess LW's husband has a choice: quit on principle, or be fired and hope to get/make the case for unemployment. I do wonder what happened; this one doesn't have a follow up.
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In this case, it sounds as though Husband’s boss doesn’t think HR would be on his side, given that he doesn’t want to talk to them about it. I don’t think HR would be happy about “my boss wants me to hire his fiancee, and not to tell you they’re dating until after the wedding.’ HR is on the company’s side, yes, and might therefore look askance at the idea that someone in management is deliberately keeping things from them.
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https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-boss-wont-stop-calling-my-dogs-my-children-hiring-the-bosss-girlfriend-and-more.html
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