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agonyaunt2025-11-11 12:39 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-11-11 12:39 pm
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: I Can't Shake My Crush On a Former Coworker
AAM was exciting recently!
1. I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker
I try not to view my coworkers as romantic prospects for the obvious reasons (women come to work to advance their careers, not to cater to the romantic whims of their coworkers!). As a woman in my 20s, I’ve experienced a few sexual overtures at work and in public, and I certainly don’t want to impose my own romantic demands on a fellow young woman who simply wants to do her job.
However, I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker, “Diana.” Over the summer, I worked seasonally on the same large team as Diana. (She does year-round, part-time work for this employer.) While we didn’t always have close interactions during the workday, I loved speaking to her whenever we had the chance to collaborate. She asked me genuine, complex questions about my background and experiences, and she occasionally complimented my appearance and overall demeanor. She has an easygoing, natural charisma and the warmest, most expressive smile I’ve ever seen.
My job ended about six weeks ago, and I considered exchanging phone numbers on my final day of work. (I even spent two weeks rehearsing a low-pressure, work-appropriate script!) However, I decided to restrain the impulse to stay in contact, since I’m uncertain that she even dates women. Also, I purposefully only mentioned my male exes when the workplace discussion turned to comedic date stories. It was clear I loved collaborating with Diana, and I didn’t want her to perceive my good mood as an unwelcome overture from the workplace lesbian. However, I still can’t seem to get over her, and I’m even inclined to return to my former workplace and casually try to exchange phone numbers. (While it’s technically open to the public, this still feels like an overstep.) Can you reassure me I made the work-appropriate choice? I can’t locate her on social media, so I’ll probably have to let her remain a fond memory.
Would you be interested in a friendship with Diana even if you knew for sure she wasn’t interested in anything more? If so, given that you appeared to have a warm, friendly rapport while you worked together and it sounds like you both connected at least a bit, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to stop by and ask if she’d ever want to get coffee.
I would not suggest this if your interest was primarily based on physical attraction, but it sounds like it’s based on the actual conversations you had and that she shared an interest in talking with you, not just “I find you attractive and thus am projecting my own interest on to you” — which is where a lot of these things go wrong.
1. I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker
I try not to view my coworkers as romantic prospects for the obvious reasons (women come to work to advance their careers, not to cater to the romantic whims of their coworkers!). As a woman in my 20s, I’ve experienced a few sexual overtures at work and in public, and I certainly don’t want to impose my own romantic demands on a fellow young woman who simply wants to do her job.
However, I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker, “Diana.” Over the summer, I worked seasonally on the same large team as Diana. (She does year-round, part-time work for this employer.) While we didn’t always have close interactions during the workday, I loved speaking to her whenever we had the chance to collaborate. She asked me genuine, complex questions about my background and experiences, and she occasionally complimented my appearance and overall demeanor. She has an easygoing, natural charisma and the warmest, most expressive smile I’ve ever seen.
My job ended about six weeks ago, and I considered exchanging phone numbers on my final day of work. (I even spent two weeks rehearsing a low-pressure, work-appropriate script!) However, I decided to restrain the impulse to stay in contact, since I’m uncertain that she even dates women. Also, I purposefully only mentioned my male exes when the workplace discussion turned to comedic date stories. It was clear I loved collaborating with Diana, and I didn’t want her to perceive my good mood as an unwelcome overture from the workplace lesbian. However, I still can’t seem to get over her, and I’m even inclined to return to my former workplace and casually try to exchange phone numbers. (While it’s technically open to the public, this still feels like an overstep.) Can you reassure me I made the work-appropriate choice? I can’t locate her on social media, so I’ll probably have to let her remain a fond memory.
Would you be interested in a friendship with Diana even if you knew for sure she wasn’t interested in anything more? If so, given that you appeared to have a warm, friendly rapport while you worked together and it sounds like you both connected at least a bit, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to stop by and ask if she’d ever want to get coffee.
I would not suggest this if your interest was primarily based on physical attraction, but it sounds like it’s based on the actual conversations you had and that she shared an interest in talking with you, not just “I find you attractive and thus am projecting my own interest on to you” — which is where a lot of these things go wrong.
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