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minoanmiss(The lede is 6 feet down here. Contains: volunteering, sexism in practice regardless of what is in anyone's heart, autism.)
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minoanmiss
conulyDEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 23-year-old woman facing a dilemma within my friend group of four. Our group consists of two girls, including myself, and two guys. The other girl in our group enjoys wearing a significant amount of makeup. I don't mind this, as I believe everyone has the right to express themselves in a way that makes them feel confident and beautiful. However, our male friends consistently give her a hard time about her makeup choices. They go as far as telling her to take it off, claiming that she looks ugly with it on. This situation makes me uncomfortable, and I'm unsure about how to address it. I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices regarding their appearance without facing judgment from others. How can I approach my male friends to express my concerns about their comments without causing unnecessary conflict within our friend group? -- Friend Drama
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swingandswirlThis poor woman's partner is damned lucky to still be whole, is all I'm saying.
Dear Carolyn: Yesterday, I spilled a bunch of breast milk on the floor because I was pumping while simultaneously trying to clean up our living room during my lunch break from work. My husband got irritated at me about the spill, which came -close- to hitting his laptop (but didn’t!), and I was apologetic.
On reflection, though, I am furious about that interaction. I have the kind of breast pump that can be worn on the go, and the implication is that I can work while wearing it. But it’s not enough that I’m providing food for our baby while working a full-time job, I have to triple-multitask by trying to do housework during work hours because he never does.
And instead of noticing that I’m spinning so many plates that one came -close- to dropping, and offering to help, he snapped at me for the near miss.
Am I just spiraling, or do I have a point? And, is there any way to get this point across without just sounding like a harpy?
— Sigh!
( Sadly, murder was not on the list of suggestions. )
Dear Carolyn: Yesterday, I spilled a bunch of breast milk on the floor because I was pumping while simultaneously trying to clean up our living room during my lunch break from work. My husband got irritated at me about the spill, which came -close- to hitting his laptop (but didn’t!), and I was apologetic.
On reflection, though, I am furious about that interaction. I have the kind of breast pump that can be worn on the go, and the implication is that I can work while wearing it. But it’s not enough that I’m providing food for our baby while working a full-time job, I have to triple-multitask by trying to do housework during work hours because he never does.
And instead of noticing that I’m spinning so many plates that one came -close- to dropping, and offering to help, he snapped at me for the near miss.
Am I just spiraling, or do I have a point? And, is there any way to get this point across without just sounding like a harpy?
— Sigh!
( Sadly, murder was not on the list of suggestions. )
ashbetDear Amy: My wife of over 25 years is foreign-born.
She travels to her home country for an extended period almost every year. I’ll join her for a few weeks, and she’ll stay a while longer after I return home.
Recently when she returned home, she told me that after I had left, she was introduced to a male acquaintance of her family’s. She said that they did not have a conversation, but did notice that he stared at her constantly.
Afterward this man tracked her down and sent her a text message, which she let me read. It was quite lengthy and frankly, incredibly audacious. He told her how attractive she is, how he wanted to spend time with her, and suggested how to discreetly contact him to arrange a rendezvous.
Her response to him was overly polite: “I’m flattered, but I’m busy. Perhaps some other time.”
I made a note of his phone number and a few weeks later sent him a terse message (I’m fluent in his language), that he was rude, unmannerly, interested only in a sexual encounter with my wife, and to back off.
He did not answer my message; instead he forwarded it to my wife, who got angry and said that I embarrassed her and violated her privacy.
I told her that while I may have ruined her other man fantasy, someone had to put him in his place, and I was proud to do it.
My wife is a very attractive woman. I am aware of the attention she receives. To me, however, that man went way over the top. Did I do the right thing, or was I being meddlesome?
— Just Wondering
Wondering: Your wife shared this man’s text message and her reply, which you describe as “overly polite.” I interpret her message differently.
In its ambiguity, “Perhaps some other time” can be read as something of an invitation. The politeness she extended was to this acquaintance, but not necessarily to you. In response, you stewed about this for weeks and then acted out in anger toward both of them.
You were trying to protect your marriage by being direct, but your wife is the one who should have drawn a firm boundary around your marriage.
You could have asked her to make a more definitive statement, rather than doing it yourself. She was honest with you regarding how your behavior made her feel.
At this point, without discussing his behavior or hers, you should talk to her sincerely about how this has made you feel: “This text exchange made me very sad and angry. I’m worried about our relationship, and I’m trying to protect it.”
She travels to her home country for an extended period almost every year. I’ll join her for a few weeks, and she’ll stay a while longer after I return home.
Recently when she returned home, she told me that after I had left, she was introduced to a male acquaintance of her family’s. She said that they did not have a conversation, but did notice that he stared at her constantly.
Afterward this man tracked her down and sent her a text message, which she let me read. It was quite lengthy and frankly, incredibly audacious. He told her how attractive she is, how he wanted to spend time with her, and suggested how to discreetly contact him to arrange a rendezvous.
Her response to him was overly polite: “I’m flattered, but I’m busy. Perhaps some other time.”
I made a note of his phone number and a few weeks later sent him a terse message (I’m fluent in his language), that he was rude, unmannerly, interested only in a sexual encounter with my wife, and to back off.
He did not answer my message; instead he forwarded it to my wife, who got angry and said that I embarrassed her and violated her privacy.
I told her that while I may have ruined her other man fantasy, someone had to put him in his place, and I was proud to do it.
My wife is a very attractive woman. I am aware of the attention she receives. To me, however, that man went way over the top. Did I do the right thing, or was I being meddlesome?
— Just Wondering
Wondering: Your wife shared this man’s text message and her reply, which you describe as “overly polite.” I interpret her message differently.
In its ambiguity, “Perhaps some other time” can be read as something of an invitation. The politeness she extended was to this acquaintance, but not necessarily to you. In response, you stewed about this for weeks and then acted out in anger toward both of them.
You were trying to protect your marriage by being direct, but your wife is the one who should have drawn a firm boundary around your marriage.
You could have asked her to make a more definitive statement, rather than doing it yourself. She was honest with you regarding how your behavior made her feel.
At this point, without discussing his behavior or hers, you should talk to her sincerely about how this has made you feel: “This text exchange made me very sad and angry. I’m worried about our relationship, and I’m trying to protect it.”
lemonsharksDear Annie: As a longtime reader, I want to say that I love your column. I am writing now to ask for your advice.
I have a wonderful marriage with someone I met when we were teenagers. We have a beautiful family with two boys and some pets, and almost everything is good. However, my wife becomes obsessed with causes ( and it is a wild ride from there on out )
I have a wonderful marriage with someone I met when we were teenagers. We have a beautiful family with two boys and some pets, and almost everything is good. However, my wife becomes obsessed with causes ( and it is a wild ride from there on out )
conulyI was 41-years-old when I was dating a lovely 16-year-old girl. I made the cardinal mistake of inviting her to my company party. The gossipmonger types engaged in salacious banter that hurt my reputation. I ended up leaving that job.
At 45, I’d asked my then-girlfriend (age 17) to accompany me to my office party. I told her not to volunteer any demographical information about herself and instructed her to tailor her appearance to “look a bit older.”
Unfortunately, a senior VP’s daughter was a high-school classmate with my date and he recognized her right away. The shame and humiliation that I endured in the aftermath forced me to quit that employer.
Today, I’m on an executive track in a senior leadership role at a great company that has much career advancement potential.
I’m 48, and my gorgeous wife of eight months just turned 19. Heeding the lessons of my past, I’m extremely reluctant to take my wife to the party this week.
But skipping it would be detrimental from a networking standpoint.
However, if I attend with my wife, I risk possibly irking many people, especially since numbers of my colleagues have daughters in her same age-range. I don’t think this’ll go well in this #MeToo era. Should I attend the party alone?
( And the answer )
http://ellieadvice.com/dating-much-younger-people-can-cause-judgement-from-others/
At 45, I’d asked my then-girlfriend (age 17) to accompany me to my office party. I told her not to volunteer any demographical information about herself and instructed her to tailor her appearance to “look a bit older.”
Unfortunately, a senior VP’s daughter was a high-school classmate with my date and he recognized her right away. The shame and humiliation that I endured in the aftermath forced me to quit that employer.
Today, I’m on an executive track in a senior leadership role at a great company that has much career advancement potential.
I’m 48, and my gorgeous wife of eight months just turned 19. Heeding the lessons of my past, I’m extremely reluctant to take my wife to the party this week.
But skipping it would be detrimental from a networking standpoint.
However, if I attend with my wife, I risk possibly irking many people, especially since numbers of my colleagues have daughters in her same age-range. I don’t think this’ll go well in this #MeToo era. Should I attend the party alone?
( And the answer )
http://ellieadvice.com/dating-much-younger-people-can-cause-judgement-from-others/
