Ask a Manager: I think my employee is trans -- how can I signal support?

[minoanmiss]

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/rejecting-someone-for-including-servant-of-god-on-their-resume-i-cant-do-my-teams-important-work-on-my-own-and-more.html

3. I think one of my employees might be trans — how can I signal support?

I have reasons to think one of my reports might be trans. Without going into too much detail, I discovered this entirely by accident. I went to YouTube looking for streams of a video game I enjoy, and found a small channel was streaming that game. The streamer had their camera on, and I recognized both their face and their voice; but when I know them as, shall we say, Jane, the chat called them Tarzan. The chat referred to them with he/him pronouns, and their bio said that they were called Tarzan and used those pronouns.

I didn’t reveal myself, first because if I were streaming in my free time, I certainly wouldn’t want coworkers to pop into the chat, let alone someone I report to. Then because if they are actually a trans man, and not a cis woman as they present themselves as at work, I wouldn’t want to cause them anxiety by telling them I know.

I believe it’s everyone’s right to reveal their gender identity in their own time, or to not reveal it at all. The company we work for is known to lean on the conservative side, although the workers themselves have progressive views.

There is no reason to fear they could lose their job if they came out; we are not in the U.S. and there are strong laws against such discrimination. However, they could have a multitude of reasons not to come out. At the same time, I assume forcing yourself to be closeted at work would be terrible for your mental health, and I’d like to let them know it’s safe to do so. I’m not sure how to balance “wanting to let them know it’s safe to come out” and “respecting their privacy”. What would you recommend?

Yeah, definitely do not tell them what you found or put them in a position where they have to talk to you about it if they didn’t choose that 100% on their own. However, you can certainly do things to indicate that you’re a safe person and an ally — which could include putting up a rainbow sticker, wearing a t-shirt with an equality message, adding pronouns to your signature, making sure your whole team knows your company offers same-sex partner benefits and trans-affirming healthcare if they do, or so forth (and obviously making a point of speaking up if someone says something bigoted and of not tolerating bigotry on your team).

These are good things to do regardless, because you may have other LGBTQ+ employees on your team who would appreciate knowing you’re an ally.