[Ask a Manager] my coworkers keep asking about my weight loss — and it’s not good news

[magid]

A reader writes:

I have recently lost a significant amount of weight and it’s definitely noticeable. People regularly comment on it in a positive way — “oh my gosh! you look so great” — and similar comments. I know that the comments are well-intended and people mean it as a compliment.

Unfortunately, the weight loss is a result of some health issues that I’m working closely with multiple doctors to figure out. The potential diagnoses range from moderately serious but treatable, to very serious and life-altering. I don’t talk about it with anyone at work because I get emotional and start crying, and I don’t want to do that at work.

My usual response is to just say thank you and move on. Occasionally, someone will ask, “How did you do it?” I’m sure they’re looking for an answer like a specific diet plan or surgery or a shot. The first time it happened, I blurted out, “I’ve been really sick, but I don’t want to talk about it at work.” I started crying and had to walk away. The poor woman was horrified and I was super embarrassed to have caused a scene.

Any suggestions for how to respond to comments ranging from kind and complimentary to prying and nosy?

People really need to think about this more often.

If someone has new haircut or a fun shirt, you can generally assume it was an intentional choice and compliments will be welcome. Weight loss is not that way, and sometimes it is upsetting, stressful, or caused by something bad.

That said, if someone compliments you, I think you’re right to simply say thank you and move on; there’s no point in getting into it at work.

But I also don’t think you should be embarrassed by your response to the coworker who asked how you did it. If nothing else, she is now much less likely to put someone else in the same position in the future. However, these are some other ways you could say it in the future:

* “Nothing I want to get into at work, but it wasn’t intentional.”
* “Well, for me it’s health issues. Nothing I want to get into at work, though.”
* “I’ve been ill.”
* “You couldn’t have known, but it’s a health thing and might not be good news.”
* “You couldn’t have known, but it’s a health issue.”
* “Stress and health problems, mostly!”

All of these reveal more information than you should have to reveal at work. So if you prefer, you could also say something like, “Honestly, it’s my least favorite conversation right now. But how is ___ (subject change)?”

(Also, “how did you do it?” is such a weird reflex for people in this situation! They already know the relatively limited range of possible answers. No one is going to answer with, “I found a box of magic beans behind the building and there are still some there if you want to grab them.”)

I hope your letter will be a PSA reminding people not to assume all weight loss is good news or welcome.