agonyaunt | Entries tagged with communication

1. Dear Annie: For six years, I've been with a man -- let's call him "Ben." We have one child together and one on the way. I'm frustrated because I do all of the housework even though we're both employed. We divided up expenses. He pays for the house payment and the babysitter when we need one, and I pay for all of the utilities and groceries. I also do most of the childcare tasks.

I don't feel like I should have to ask for him to get off his butt and help; I feel like he should naturally want to help and just do it. I've noticed that when we are around his family, he jumps to help them with anything in a split second. He seems like he would just rather be lazy when it comes to our own home life, expecting me to do all the domestic work.

I'd try talking to him about this, but he's not a talk-about-your-feelings type of guy, more of a sort-your-own-laundry type of guy. In the past, anytime I've brought up anything remotely uncomfortable, he seems to register it as a threat and says something negative directed towards me and not at all helpful to resolving the issue. Advice? -- Unheard Girlfriend

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2. DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years. We rushed into marriage, unfortunately, before getting to know each other very well. Whenever we have a disagreement, he gives me the silent treatment for days. Sometimes, it lasts weeks.

He won't eat anything I cook or help around the house. If I'm in one room, he will lock himself up in another one. He sleeps on the couch or on a pull-out mattress. Eventually, he will end it by returning to our bed and trying to initiate intimacy. I usually accept, but the issue never gets resolved or discussed -- we just carry on. When I've tried discussing the issues, he says, "Don't start!"

I'm fed up with his childish behavior. We have a 7-month-old baby and children from my previous marriage, so it has become increasingly difficult for me to leave him. He's not the type to go to therapy. He will admit we have communication issues, but that's the extent of it. I've reached the point that I no longer care about our marriage, and if I had the means, I'd happily leave. Please help. -- SILENT TREATMENT IN THE NORTHEAST

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3. Dear Prudence,

My fiancé has always been close to his sister, “Becky.” They text each other daily and frequently talk on the phone. They’re twins, and I thought I understood their bond. However, we went to his family’s house for Thanksgiving, and I met Becky for the first time—she’s been working abroad for the past two years and only moved back to the U.S. last month—and to be honest, I was a little freaked out about their closeness. Becky and my fiancé finish each other’s sentences, giggle at their private jokes, and are often physically affectionate. Hugging, kissing on the cheek, holding hands. At one point, Becky even sat on my fiancé’s lap and pretended he was “Santa.” Apparently, it’s an old joke of theirs. I have two brothers, but I’ve never behaved like that with them.

On the drive back from his family’s house, I told my boyfriend that I found the way he interacts with Becky “icky.” He blew up and accused me of having a dirty mind. I apologized, feeling that I overreacted. However, now that we’re back home, I keep thinking about Becky and I do think it’s icky. Should I talk to my fiancé about the ick factor again? I don’t know if I can stand to see Becky sitting on my fiancé’s lap giggling and baby talking at future family functions. It’s too disturbing. I’ve even thought about proposing a tropical vacation instead of the next visit so we can be away from his family. This is the perfect man if he didn’t have that weird dynamic with his sister!

—Too Close for Comfort

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4. Dear Amy: Ever since the #metoo era my husband does not initiate sex. We've talked about this. He says that doing so could be construed as sexual harassment. He doesn't talk about sex or make innuendos. He no longer tells jokes -- he says it is because they could be of a sexual nature and that he doesn't want to be demeaning to women.

When I do want sex, he is quite accommodating, though I have to explicitly tell him what I like, but he never tells me what he likes because, he says, if he says something it may be taken the wrong way. He no longer compliments me (or any other man or woman) on how I (or they) look or dress, which used to be quite forthcoming. He says that he doesn't want to be judgmental.

Other than that, we have a good relationship. He drinks only an occasional beer, and we have great discussions about what's going on in the world, (except for things that concern sex, such as any LGBTQ issues or fashion). If he does complain, it's about something he could have done better. He's in great shape and easy on the eyes. But I miss the easy, loving, uninhibited sex life that we used to share. My husband says he's sorry that he can't be a part of that because times have changed and that his previous behavior is not acceptable for a man anymore. Any suggestions?

– Sad Wife

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5. Dear Amy: I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. He has been totally estranged from his mother the whole time I’ve known him. I’ve never met her. Well, his mother started messaging with me on Facebook and she really wants to get back into his life. She wants to apologize for the mistakes she has made. I invited her over to our house without telling my boyfriend. He blew up when he saw her and now says that he wants to break up with me. I was just trying to help mend his relationship with his mom! What can I do to get him to come back?

– Devastated

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6. Dear Amy: I’m a woman in my mid-20’s and I’ve been with my boyfriend since high school. I fell in love with him in ninth grade and (honestly) pursued him for a couple of years until I let him catch me (ha ha).

I’ve always been quite large and overweight, and my weight is a huge issue for him. He only showed an interest in dating me after I had lost a considerable amount of weight in high school. I’ve mainly kept this weight off, but it has been a struggle. I’m down to a size 8.

We are talking about marriage, but he says he will only propose to me if I lose a little more weight. Several of my female family members are overweight, and he says that if I wind up looking like them, he wouldn’t want to stay in the relationship. We are super-compatible in every other way. I guess I need a gut check (ha ha) about my relationship. He’s the only guy I’ve ever loved.

– Wondering Woman

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7. Dear Carolyn: I have been dating a woman long enough that we’ve talked about marriage. I get along well with her family, who live near us. She has never met my family, who do not live near us, and recently I gave her the whole story, that I see them only occasionally and in small doses because of the way they have treated me over the course of my life.

My girlfriend listened to my explanation and said: “You sound like a bratty teenager complaining about your parents. I’m sure they did their best.” I was floored. I feel like her response shows a fundamental lack of empathy for the fact that I wasn’t blessed with a loving family like she was, and it is making me rethink our relationship.

She has apologized for the way she phrased what she said, but I am really wondering if it’s possible for me to have a future with a person who shows such a lack of understanding about something so fundamental to who I am. Do you see a way forward here?

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Dear Carolyn: Is being truthful always the way forward? For the first 10 years of our committed relationship, my wife’s family disowned her and us because we are two women. We became parents through kin adoption, and the in-laws slowly forged a relationship with us and our kids. Our kids have deep, meaningful relationships with their grandparents.

We sent out a save-the-date for our 30th anniversary. We’ve never celebrated our marriage, and we want to do it with friends and family near and far. My in-laws informed us they have never believed in our marriage, because marriage is only between a man and a woman. They will not be coming. They told our kids (older teens, young adults) they won’t be coming because they have a long-planned trip across the globe.

In-laws have warned us that we will destroy the family if we tell the kids the real reason the in-laws aren’t coming. They aren’t wrong. Our kids would be devastated to know.

With the adoption and messy extended family, we have built a family based on truth and transparency. My kids would also be devastated if they knew we lied to them. Kids are pressuring us to change the date so grandparents can come. I really have no idea what I’m supposed to say or not say.

— To Tell or Not to Tell

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Agony Aunt

Entries tagged with communication

In which Harriette needlessly advises the LW to be polite to jerks

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Dear Abby: How to close contact with someone

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June 2025

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