agonyaunt | Entries tagged with dear harriete

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been feeling concerned about my teenage daughter lately. She's started spending time with a new group of friends who are really into extreme sports like skateboarding and parkour. This is a big shift from the activities we've always encouraged, such as volunteering and participating in community events. Last night she mentioned planning a parkour session at an old factory, and it made me uneasy. I'm worried about the risks involved and how this new interest might pull her away from the values we've worked hard to instill. I know that today's generation seems to have different sensitivities compared to ours, and I'm reluctant to simply forbid her from pursuing her interests. I want to discuss my concerns with her, but I'm not sure how to approach the conversation without pushing her away. How can I express my worries while remaining supportive and keeping our lines of communication open? -- Concerned Parent

( Read more... )

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 23-year-old woman facing a dilemma within my friend group of four. Our group consists of two girls, including myself, and two guys. The other girl in our group enjoys wearing a significant amount of makeup. I don't mind this, as I believe everyone has the right to express themselves in a way that makes them feel confident and beautiful. However, our male friends consistently give her a hard time about her makeup choices. They go as far as telling her to take it off, claiming that she looks ugly with it on. This situation makes me uncomfortable, and I'm unsure about how to address it. I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices regarding their appearance without facing judgment from others. How can I approach my male friends to express my concerns about their comments without causing unnecessary conflict within our friend group? -- Friend Drama

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lemonsharks

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. She recently told me that she still has a lot of the gifts that an ex-boyfriend gave her.

I got a lot of pushback from her when I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she still has the gifts. I think that her unwillingness to part with them may signify an emotional attachment to the items — and thus an emotional attachment to the person who gave them to her.

Could I be overthinking this?

- Throw Them Out

DEAR THROW THEM OUT: Start by assessing what the gifts are.

I wouldn’t automatically say that your girlfriend is holding on to old feelings about her ex because she has some stuff he gave her. It could simply be that she likes the things.

Ask her and listen to what she has to say. I would be worried if she seems to go down memory lane when she speaks of her ex or of the items in question.

The reality is that if you date someone who previously was with someone else, it is likely that the person may have items from the ex. Even more, there surely are memories of their times together. You may want to know a bit about what she liked about this person, how they spent their time and why they broke up.

Rather than automatically wanting her to expunge any memory of him from her life, learn about her past. Allow her to learn about yours as well, and see where this path of mutual discovery leads you.

lemonsharks

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a mistake that cost my boss thousands of dollars.

I found a way to pass it off as someone else’s problem, but the guilt is eating me alive.

I am afraid that coming forward about the details of the mistake will cost me my job.

Should I be honest about something that’s so detrimental? Everyone else has seemed to move on from it. The only thing I could stand to gain is peace of mind.

Guilty Conscience

DEAR GUILTY CONSCIENCE: I am a firm believer in telling the truth. As you see, not doing so is costing you peace.

Could you lose your job if you tell your boss what actually happened? Yes. But that shouldn’t prevent you from telling the truth.

Take a moment first to think about what happened and why. How did you cost your boss so much money? What went wrong? Do you know how to prevent it in the future? The facts coupled with recommendations for a better future outcome can be helpful during your conversation.

Finally, think about your future. Where can you go from here? If you lose your job, where can you apply? Know that if you are fired, you can collect unemployment for a short period so you will have a tiny cushion.

Think about your next steps in case you need to pivot. Then go in and talk to your boss. With humility and confidence in your integrity, tell what happened

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend does not believe in shaving her armpit hair, and it’s starting to become an issue. She believes that shaving armpit hair is unnatural and conformist. She didn’t have these beliefs when we first started dating, so I feel that it’s unfair for her to expect me to have no problem with it now. I’m afraid to ask her to shave because I don’t want to seem like I do not support this journey (although I do find it questionable). What can I do? -- Girlfriend Going Natural

( LW doesn't say, but I feel confident that he's a cis dude. Like, 90% sure, at least )

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend refuses to send me intimate pictures. We don't see each other much anymore because of school and our busy schedules, so I feel really neglected. I'm wondering if she even likes me anymore. I don't want to pressure her, but I'm curious as to why she wouldn't naturally want to send pictures. Do you think this is a sign of a bigger issue? -- Intimacy Issues

( Read more... )

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker is in a wheelchair. During quarantine, our general manager sent a memo for all employees to use a back entrance to our store in order to do proper check-in before our shifts. This entrance is not handicap accessible. My co-worker asked to use an alternative entrance where he can get inside without help.

My co-worker came to me concerned for his job after being shot down by our general manager and was told he needs to use the same entrance as everyone else. I could not believe this! He is in a protected class and should be treated as such. Now I want to take action. Where do I start? -- Supportive Co-Worker

( Read more... )

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talked to a good friend who told me that almost a dozen people in his life have died in the past couple of weeks due to COVID-19. He had been trying to stay positive and follow directions, but he was really down when we talked that day. I offered to pray with him, which we did. I then told him that as bad as it is, he has to be grateful that he is alive. He got mad at me for saying that. I didn’t know what to say, honestly. Nothing like this has ever happened before. But I do know that if you get depressed, it will be harder to get through this sadness. What else can I say to him? -- Grieving Friend

( Maybe this letter is fake )

conuly

DEAR HARRIETTE: Seemingly out of the blue, they are reading lots of books about race at my son’s school. Seriously, they have read three books back-to-back about racial injustice. While I think it is important for the kids to learn about these topics, it is making us uncomfortable. Not everything is about race, but you would never know from this class. I don’t have the knowledge or time to debate these issues with my son every day.

I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive. My husband and I work hard to make sure that our son is thoughtful and not racist, but we also don’t want him to feel super self-conscious about being white. He shouldn’t have to apologize for being himself. I don’t know how to support him as times change. I do teach him to treat everyone with respect, but does that mean I have to allow him to be exposed to so much conversation about the atrocities of racism? -- Too Much Race Talk

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lilysea

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to get married, and my fiancé and I have come to an impasse over something that I don’t think is such a big deal. I grew up in a household where everybody had chores, but we also had a housekeeper who came once a week to do heavy cleaning. It was so helpful having Mrs. Lancaster with us. She became part of the family. I want the same thing for my new home. Of course, both of us should do chores, but I believe having extra help will ensure we keep everything organized and clean. My husband thinks this is excessive and a waste of money. He grew up in a household where no extra help was ever there. They couldn’t afford it. We can. Plus, I work 80 hours a week usually. I need the help. How can I get my fiancé to see that? -- Clean Up, Rochester, New York

DEAR CLEAN UP: This is one of many value-driven conversations you must have with your fiancé to determine whether the two of you can compromise when needed to build your life together. While it may sound clichéd, it is the little things in a marriage that help to make your bond stronger or erode it entirely.

Since your husband-to-be does not see the need for a housekeeper, a compromise might be to have someone come in once a month in the beginning. Suggest this as an acknowledgment that you know he doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this point but that you know you need help in order to keep your home in the manner you believe appropriate.

lilysea

( Creepy man is busybody )

cereta

( Pregnancy, etc )

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Agony Aunt

Entries tagged with dear harriete

WTF is this person's problem!?

In which Harriette needlessly advises the LW to be polite to jerks

surprisingly good relationship advice from Harriete

Dear Harriette: I clearly care more about my workplace than they care about mw

(no subject)

Yeah, there's a big issue here all right....

Employee Wants To Take Action for Co-Worker

Seriously, LW, what is wrong with you?

Parent Upset That Son’s School Dwells on Racism

Dear Harriette: Couple Reaches Impasse Regarding Housekeeper

Dear Harriette: "Daughter Must Become Aware"

Dear Harriette: Surprise pregnancy not good news

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June 2025

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