lilysea: Serious (Default)
[personal profile] lilysea
DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a woman for the last 30 years. Our children are the same age. My daughter, who is in her late 20s, has a number of tattoos on her arm that she can cover with clothing if she chooses. However, she doesn't cover them often because she likes them and they mean something to her.

Recently, I showed my friend a picture of my daughter that showed one of the tattoos on her upper arm. My friend said, "Oh, I am so sorry about the tattoo," and proceeded to cover the tattoo with her hand, implying that my daughter would be attractive if it weren't for the body art. I was shocked.

I have always been supportive of my friend's children and have never criticized any of them, even though I haven't agreed with everything they have done. I was so hurt by her comment that I was speechless. I'm not sure I can continue the relationship feeling this way. But I'm hesitant to lose a 30-year friendship over something I might be overblowing. Am I being too sensitive? How do I resolve this? -- COMPLETELY THROWN BY THIS

DEAR THROWN:
For a friendship of 30 years to end over one thoughtless comment would be sad for both of you. Sometimes people say things without thinking, and this is an example. Resolve your feelings by talking to her in person and telling her how deeply hurt you were by what she said. It will give her the chance to apologize and make amends.
cereta: Samhain Spirit (Samhain Spirit)
[personal profile] cereta
DEAR ABBY: My wife has children and two grandchildren from a previous marriage. Her granddaughter, "Jasmine," is 19. We were never close to her or her mother, but we tried to heal old wounds a few years ago.

Once Jasmine turned 17 she started getting tattoos. She now has them all over her body -- thighs, chest, stomach. She has a full sleeve on one arm and a half-sleeve on the other. She has piercings in her ear lobes and has pierced her nipples.

At this point, I don't want her in my house and neither does my wife. I don't want to be seen with her in public, and because her mother allowed her to do this, I would rather cut all ties with them. My wife agrees. I don't see us changing our minds. Your opinion, Abby? -- GROUCHY TEXAN

DEAR TEXAN: I am glad you asked, because it appears you and your wife have forgotten that underneath those tattoos and piercings is a grandchild. I understand her body "art" may be off-putting, but I'm disappointed that nowhere in your letter did you express what kind of person Jasmine is.

I'm sure that like most people, she has more to offer than what's on the surface. She may be a sensitive, loving, caring, talented and intelligent individual who would love a relationship with you and her grandmother, and be deeply hurt by the sentiments you have expressed. That said, unless you can look deeper and get to know and love Jasmine for the person she is, it would be better for her to avoid such shallow individuals as the two of you.

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