Dear Abby: Tattoos? Away with you!

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My wife has children and two grandchildren from a previous marriage. Her granddaughter, "Jasmine," is 19. We were never close to her or her mother, but we tried to heal old wounds a few years ago.

Once Jasmine turned 17 she started getting tattoos. She now has them all over her body -- thighs, chest, stomach. She has a full sleeve on one arm and a half-sleeve on the other. She has piercings in her ear lobes and has pierced her nipples.

At this point, I don't want her in my house and neither does my wife. I don't want to be seen with her in public, and because her mother allowed her to do this, I would rather cut all ties with them. My wife agrees. I don't see us changing our minds. Your opinion, Abby? -- GROUCHY TEXAN

DEAR TEXAN: I am glad you asked, because it appears you and your wife have forgotten that underneath those tattoos and piercings is a grandchild. I understand her body "art" may be off-putting, but I'm disappointed that nowhere in your letter did you express what kind of person Jasmine is.

I'm sure that like most people, she has more to offer than what's on the surface. She may be a sensitive, loving, caring, talented and intelligent individual who would love a relationship with you and her grandmother, and be deeply hurt by the sentiments you have expressed. That said, unless you can look deeper and get to know and love Jasmine for the person she is, it would be better for her to avoid such shallow individuals as the two of you.

Comments

[cereta]

Dear Texan: Please do cut ties. Both Jasmine and her mother will be better off for it.

[recessional]

Thiiiiis.

[recessional]

*sighs* I wish I could believe this was a troll or parody letter.

*gives Abby a "Well Done!" sticker for answer* Especially the last phrase. Nicely turned.

[kaberett]

Yep! And yeah, Jasmine proooooooobably doesn't want you guys around, sorry2say. Perhaps if you'd been more present when she was younger she'd give any shits about her bigoted grandparents! That's certainly how it works with mine!

[pensnest]

I wonder whether 'my wife agrees' translates to 'my wife agrees with me because she daren't do anything else'. 'Grouch' is probably a kindly term.

[xenacryst]

I will add, to an otherwise reasonable answer on Abby's part, that you might try understanding the story of the tattoos and piercings. Kids these days don't just do body modification to piss off their absent grandparents; there's usually some rather well thought out meaning to these things. You might not like the stories, they might unsettle and discomfit you, and, frankly, they might not be stories she needs to share with you. But I will modify Abby's statement here: the grandchild is not underneath the tats and piercings - they are part of the grandchild. If you insist on seeing them as separate entities, then by all means, cut ties, because there will be no peace that comes from that.

[minoanmiss]

Letters like this always puzzle me. Tattoos are fascinating and have great stories, and are often really beautiful. Aside of outdated-as-well-as-bigoted classism I never understand why some people have so much hatred for them.