(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn: I am a 26-year-old man and don’t feel like I can unload this on anyone I know. My parents’ divorce is ripping me up. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears at random moments of the day. My mom left my dad because she found out he’d been cheating with an 18-year-old girl, so the divorce is messy. Dad is alone in their gigantic house, gutted because it’s over with his girlfriend and he lost my mom to a short, stupid affair. He wants to save their marriage, but my mom won’t even talk to him, and he’s going crazy. My mom is heartbroken and wrecked in her own way and has moved to my aunt’s.

I’m splitting my time visiting them both two or three times a week. I feel responsible to check on them, more so my dad because he’s so depressed. It’s scary, but I am losing hope that things can get better for any of us.

When I’m not working or with them, I read and work out to stay busy, but it’s not helping. It sounds pathetic, but I just wish someone would pat me on the back and tell me it’s all gonna be okay. I don’t believe it anymore because I lost the family and childhood home I knew. I am trying to avoid self-pity, but I don’t see a good outcome.

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Amy gets it right

[conuly]

Dear Annie: I am a 29-year-old woman, and I've been having an ongoing debate with my boyfriend of 10 years.

I wear makeup because I am insecure about my skin and my face in general. I have tried any and all products recommended to me to help clear up my skin.

I have suffered from eating disorders in the past and have constant fixation and amplification of every flaw, so I'm aware of the fact that it might be body dysmorphia that is in part driving my anxiety about my face. I am going into therapy and seeing a dermatologist next month, and I will start my process there.

But in the meantime, when I look in the mirror at my bare face, I see a monster. Makeup takes away some of that anxiety -- gives me confidence in myself, allowing me to enjoy life a little more.

While I know that it is not healthy to be so dependent on cosmetics, they are helping me get through these feelings for now.

The problem is that my boyfriend hates that I wear makeup. He constantly insists that I stop wearing it, to the point that we regularly get in heated arguments about this. He even jokingly says he will break up with me if I continue to wear it. I tell him that not wearing makeup just doesn't work for me. I tried it once for a year. It didn't clear up my skin, and it was horrible emotionally.

I really don't know what to say to him at this point other than that I am in the process of hopefully solving this problem, but even if my blemishes clear up, the mental and emotional aspects will take time. I understand others will say: "It's just makeup. Ditch it for him if you really love him!" But I don't think people understand how much I really can't stand seeing the face I have naked in the mirror. It brings me to tears and causes anxiety attacks -- which I feel like my boyfriend would resent me even more for. He doesn't have much patience for insecurity of any kind. I'm not sure what to tell him other than, "Let's wait and see." Any advice? -- Can't Face the Mirror

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