(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Annie: Recently, I got sick. My daughter texted my husband saying I don't let others take care of me and that I want to be the caregiver. She said, "She doesn't get taken care of very well. She always wants to take care of others." My husband took that as a slam that he doesn't take care of me. He exploded at her and said some not nice things. Anyway, they are mad at each other.

My daughter is talking to me, but my husband has been giving me the silent treatment as he feels I should have taken his side. I knew exactly what she meant, but he is just reading too much into it. He won't even let me make him food. He says, "You take care of yourself. I will take care of myself." I hate the silent treatment and that they won't try to talk this out. Now I'm stuck in the middle. Help! -- Hate the Middle Seat

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Amy: My brother and I are both in our late 30s.

After years of strife and our mother’s refusal to respect any of our stated boundaries, in early 2020 (after several pointless therapy sessions with her), we made the decision to go “no contact.”

We told her in therapy and in writing that we were no longer going to have a relationship, along with the SPECIFIC reasons why.

Coincidentally, both of us were also moving to new homes and we told her that we would not give her our new addresses.

She ignored that, hired a lawyer and a private investigator, got our addresses, and had things delivered to our homes.

She had a famous “specialist” in estranged families reach out to us.

She had her lawyer contact us. She sent emails and physical mail to both of our workplaces. We did not respond.

Finally, she had a family friend, “Laura” contact me.

Laura is very nice. About 15 years ago, she let me stay at her home in Europe.

Her email basically stated that our mother is devastated by the estrangement, family will always be family, no one is perfect, etc. etc.

There was nothing indicating that our mother has made any adjustments or that a renewed relationship would be anything other than the constant turmoil of the past.

None of this is Laura’s fault. I don’t want to be a jerk.

Do I have any obligation to respond?

I’m concerned that my mother would interpret any response as a sign that her persistence is “working.”

– Estranged

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Quick announcement: Ask a Manager Live!

[minoanmiss]

Alison will be doing a speed round live today, 2-4 PM (EST I think)

Ask a Manager: I disagree with my partner on how to run our business

[minoanmiss]

Content advisory: business, sex. ( Read more... )

This question does not feel real

[ysobel]

From Ask Amy:

Dear Amy: I am an old grandma with 10 step-grandchildren, the youngest of which is 18 and in her first year of college.

That child receives a substantial scholarship from me for her college.

Of the 10 grandkids, she is the only one who does not follow me on my cat’s Instagram account, which has over 5,000 followers.

She does follow her other grandma on Instagram, which is perplexing to me.

Not that I am begging for followers, but I think it’s a charitable and loving thing to do, especially when I have been generous and loving toward her.

I have not discussed this with her mother.

Am I wrong to think that would be a loving thing for her to do?

It’s just a cat account for Pete’s sake!

— Upset Grandmother

( ??? )

A Bintel Brief: sisters quarrel over nothing

[jadelennox]

Context: Apparently The Forward has translated and republished some of the original letters from their turn-of-the-century Yiddish advice column. They're amazing. This one is from 1922.

---

Respected Editor Sir!

As your reader for the past dozen years, I read my own sister’s letter published in your Bintel Brief dated September 8th:

“To move or not to move,” and I find it necessary to clarify things, as I know you listen to all sides of an issue.

A year and a half ago, when it was possible to emigrate from Poland, I received the first letter from my sister stating that she’s practically barefoot, naked and starving. She asked me to bring her and her partner over here.

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Bintel Brief: do I go back to Russia and help my brothers in their struggle?

[jadelennox]

Context: Apparently The Forward has translated and republished some of the original letters from their turn-of-the-century Yiddish advice column. They're amazing. No date on this one.

Content note: historical language used to describe a seizure (respectful, just dated), tsarist police violence.

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