Agony Aunt

Dear Bintel,

During summer 2021, a friend I grew up with released a mean-spirited song about me. We were at separate colleges, only sparingly in touch, but until the song’s release, I’d thought of this person fondly. We’d commuted to and from school and participated in community theater together. A few times he led me to doubt myself and made me self-conscious, but other than that, I thought we were good friends.

After the song’s release, I was manipulated into having a conversation with him where he reinforced the message of the song: that I am an unkind person who is careless about my impact on people. The song is focused on our high school days, but he said its message still applies. I tried to express the ways this hurt me and thought I’d gotten through to him. Then he blocked me on social media. The whole ordeal was crushing and gave way to weeks of anxiety and self-loathing.

I’ve learned that another song is being released, about the ways in which I hurt him in the conversation he forced us to have. Despite my better judgment, I know I’ll end up listening to it. I want to say something or advocate for myself, but I haven’t been in touch with him since that conversation.

I also worry that doing so will damage my reputation in the eyes of our mutual friends. I’m a senior in college, and I wish I could stop dredging up these old feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Do I reach out to him? Try to move on with my life? Thanks in advance for your guidance.

Signed, Unwilling Muse

( Read more... )

Context: Apparently The Forward has translated and republished some of the original letters from their turn-of-the-century Yiddish advice column. They're amazing. No date on this one.

Content note: historical language used to describe a seizure (respectful, just dated), tsarist police violence.

( Read more... )