I am so not a fan of The Ethicist
Sep. 14th, 2024 04:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
My 78-year-old mother has moderate dementia and suffers from mood swings, depression, anxiety, agitation and disturbed sleep. One of her doctors recommended a low-dosage CBD/THC gummy to alleviate these problems. She takes one daily and, combined with other therapies, now experiences more stable moods and better sleep.
The issue is my mother’s conviction that marijuana is for drug addicts and criminals, never mind that medical marijuana is legal in our state. She is so vehemently opposed to marijuana use that she disapproved when my dying sister used marijuana years ago for pain relief from inflammatory breast cancer. I have to lie to her about the ingredients in the gummies, which I casually refer to as ‘‘multivitamins.’’ Is it wrong to give my mother a drug that she would never have voluntarily taken on her own? — Name Withheld
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The issue is my mother’s conviction that marijuana is for drug addicts and criminals, never mind that medical marijuana is legal in our state. She is so vehemently opposed to marijuana use that she disapproved when my dying sister used marijuana years ago for pain relief from inflammatory breast cancer. I have to lie to her about the ingredients in the gummies, which I casually refer to as ‘‘multivitamins.’’ Is it wrong to give my mother a drug that she would never have voluntarily taken on her own? — Name Withheld
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Dear Prudie,I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 15. He is 54 and I am 61. He adores me and has never been anything but happy with our life. However, in the last couple of years, I have had some major health issues that have changed our lives somewhat. He doesn’t complain and is right there to help me with anything, but I feel that I am becoming a burden. How do I stop feeling that I am holding him down from enjoying his life? I love him so much and I don’t want to ruin the rest of his life.
— Holding Him Back
Dear Holding Him Back,
When you got married, did he know you were seven years older than him? Was he familiar with the way people tend to deal with medical issues later in life? Was there anything in your vows that touched on the idea of loving each other unconditionally, perhaps “in sickness and in health?” I’m guessing the answers to all these questions are yes! You need to think about why you don’t believe you’re deserving of care and companionship even when you’re not at your best, and why you can’t see that having you as a partner adds value to your husband’s life. And then, with the help of a therapist or some good conversations with him, begin to change your thinking. I’m sure you’re suffering enough as a result of your medical issues—please don’t add to your pain by refusing to accept that the person who promised to love you forever actually does.
— Holding Him Back
Dear Holding Him Back,
When you got married, did he know you were seven years older than him? Was he familiar with the way people tend to deal with medical issues later in life? Was there anything in your vows that touched on the idea of loving each other unconditionally, perhaps “in sickness and in health?” I’m guessing the answers to all these questions are yes! You need to think about why you don’t believe you’re deserving of care and companionship even when you’re not at your best, and why you can’t see that having you as a partner adds value to your husband’s life. And then, with the help of a therapist or some good conversations with him, begin to change your thinking. I’m sure you’re suffering enough as a result of your medical issues—please don’t add to your pain by refusing to accept that the person who promised to love you forever actually does.