conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
Dear Eric: When my family's children were young, they mostly traveled the 200 miles to visit for holidays. Now the children are older, and have jobs, friends et cetera. The parents now seem to expect us to do the traveling. We are in our late 70s, and this is getting harder to do.

The change in beds, food, schedules and houses put a toll on our physical body that takes days to recover. This seems hard for them to understand as they haven’t reached this stage.

We now are faced with missing holidays with them to comply with their demands. I have faced the possibility of loneliness that older people seemingly endure nowadays. Is there an answer to this problem or must I endure pain and trauma to see family in older age?

– Sad, Lonely and In Pain


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conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
My 78-year-old mother has moderate dementia and suffers from mood swings, depression, anxiety, agitation and disturbed sleep. One of her doctors recommended a low-dosage CBD/THC gummy to alleviate these problems. She takes one daily and, combined with other therapies, now experiences more stable moods and better sleep.

The issue is my mother’s conviction that marijuana is for drug addicts and criminals, never mind that medical marijuana is legal in our state. She is so vehemently opposed to marijuana use that she disapproved when my dying sister used marijuana years ago for pain relief from inflammatory breast cancer. I have to lie to her about the ingredients in the gummies, which I casually refer to as ‘‘multivitamins.’’ Is it wrong to give my mother a drug that she would never have voluntarily taken on her own? — Name Withheld


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cereta: Silver magnifying glass on a book (Anjesa's magnifying glass)
[personal profile] cereta
Dear Prudie,I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 15. He is 54 and I am 61. He adores me and has never been anything but happy with our life. However, in the last couple of years, I have had some major health issues that have changed our lives somewhat. He doesn’t complain and is right there to help me with anything, but I feel that I am becoming a burden. How do I stop feeling that I am holding him down from enjoying his life? I love him so much and I don’t want to ruin the rest of his life.

— Holding Him Back

Dear Holding Him Back,

When you got married, did he know you were seven years older than him? Was he familiar with the way people tend to deal with medical issues later in life? Was there anything in your vows that touched on the idea of loving each other unconditionally, perhaps “in sickness and in health?” I’m guessing the answers to all these questions are yes! You need to think about why you don’t believe you’re deserving of care and companionship even when you’re not at your best, and why you can’t see that having you as a partner adds value to your husband’s life. And then, with the help of a therapist or some good conversations with him, begin to change your thinking. I’m sure you’re suffering enough as a result of your medical issues—please don’t add to your pain by refusing to accept that the person who promised to love you forever actually does.

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