Ask Amy: Is There Someone Else?

[ermingarden]

Dear Amy: I’ve been off and on with a guy for 21 years. I love him, but I’ve never met his family or friends. I’m never invited to his home, but he comes to mine (off and on).

I’ve tried to break it off with him several times.

I’m getting older (we are both 54), and he still does not want to commit. When I don’t hear from him, it hurts me to think he’s with someone else. I’m sure he has someone else in his life.

I think sometimes I’m losing my mind, especially when I’m with him. How do I get over him and move on? –Heartbroken

Heartbroken: You can be sure that this man has other people — probably several other people (including, possibly, wives and children).

I’m so sorry you are locked into this unhealthy relationship. It obviously makes you miserable.

You already know what you need to do, and that is to leave it completely. Break up, cut off and block all contact.

This will be like giving up nicotine or alcohol. You should ask a close friend or family member to help you through this, to hold your hand and offer you support during those times when you’re feeling down. Counseling would also help.

You were trained to tolerate this by a manipulator. In order to take your power back, you will have to retrain yourself to get away, and stay away.

That Bad Advice: Help! I Can't Use Racial Slurs!

[minoanmiss]

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Social Q's: Isn't There a Dog Park Nearby?

[ermingarden]

I moved into an apartment four years ago and was shocked to find that a neighbor runs her dog in our common hallway. Three or four times a day, she throws a ball down the hall, and the dog barks and chases it. It’s extremely noisy. A while ago, she agreed not to do this between noon and 5 p.m. But I’ve been working from home lately, and I’m often interrupted by the noise. I’m averse to contacting building management, but she’s been belligerent about requests to stop playing in the hallway. Advice? –NEIGHBOR

I’m confused. Why have you tolerated this behavior for four years? (And why did you negotiate a “quiet period” that coincided with hours you used to work at an office?) Sometimes, compromise only normalizes bad behavior. Unless there is a compelling explanation for your neighbor’s ridiculous use of your hallway as a dog run, report her to building management tomorrow morning.