agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: It seems that everywhere I go, people expect tips. Yesterday, I pulled up to the drive-through at a cookie store, and before I paid or was handed my cookies, the clerk asked, "Would you like to leave a tip?" My niece recently told me that after she left a tip at a restaurant, the server followed her outside and asked if she hadn't been a very good server because the tip was small. I can give you more examples just from my family regarding their experience with tipping.

In this economy, I don't feel the 20% rule should apply. For the price of a lunch for two at a sit-down restaurant these days, the tip costs as much as a small entree. When I go through a drive-through, I don't feel I need to tip because I'm not inside using their facility. But if I don't, I get a disappointed look from the gal who gets paid to make and hand me my drink. What are your thoughts? -- TIPPED OUT IN IDAHO

DEAR TIPPED OUT: The server you mentioned may need tips to survive on her sub-minimum or minimum wage income. However, a tip should never be requested, and for a server to follow your niece out of a restaurant to discuss a small tip is beyond the pale. Although some establishments "suggest" tips that can go as high as 35%, most customers give 15% or 20% of the total bill.

Since you asked for my opinion, here it is: Quit complaining. If you think you received adequate service, leave a tip, and you will be warmly welcomed at whatever eatery you choose to patronize.

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"In this economy" you shouldn't have to tip as usual when you eat out? Your money isn't so tight that you can't eat out, LW - do you think your server exists in some alternate, better economy?

Admittedly, I think it's shocking that a server would follow a patron outside to complain about the tip - but then, I've never heard of that happening to anybody before, so maybe the tip was just outrageously small?

Or the server and LW are both bad actors, but the server is rude and brazen while LW is selfish and stingy, so LW is still worse.

And that’s assuming the niece wasn’t just spinning a story to shock their relative or curry favor (if the relative was griping about servers wanting tips, telling them a story along those lines is an easy tactic to build rapport, and plenty of people have no issues telling small lies that can’t be easily fact-checked).

I have my suspicions about that story because I’ve worked food service, and following a customer out of a restaurant has been a big no-no, reserved only for egregious dine-and-dash or if the customer left something important behind that should be returned. Following a customer to ask for more tip is basically inviting the customer to return and complain to the manager, and that’s the last thing any server wants; it could even get you fired. it just isn’t worth it to beg for another few bucks, and most wait staff can’t afford to lose their jobs. (Those that can afford it aren’t working in the kind of establishments where people would leave small tips.)

Also, restaurants are often deliberately understaffed to save money, so you’re busy trying to keep up with your tables, and you often simply wouldn’t have time to return to the table quickly enough to assess the tip, run outside, see if they’re still there, and accost them. You have way too many other tasks to be doing that. Even during slower times with fewer customers, there’s no end of silverware to roll and other tasks to prepare for the rushes. And if a manager sees you run outside after a customer and you don’t have a damn good excuse for why you went out there: oof.

I was just thinking about your last paragraph and I'm glad you said it. I can't imagine a restaurant being so dead that a waiter can just leave and harass a customer without at the very least severely jeopardizing their next x number of tips.

Honestly, I have done a lot of exhausting things in my life including being a midwife, and I have never been so exhausted as when I was part of a five-person serving team handling 100+ people.

A restaurant manager approached my father about a low tip once when I was in high school (1999 through 2003); it was one of those places that had an automatic 18% gratuity for parties of 6 or more, and during a time when 15% was considered a good tip. We had 7 in our party, and if it was a normal restaurant the tip would've absolutely been warranted, except this was a self-serve all-you-can-eat buffet where you served your own beverage as well, and no one came to our table between when we were seated and when we were given the bill (not even to remove the plates we had stacked at the end of the table). So my dad crossed out the automatic gratuity and wrote in a 10% amount instead.

Was it kind of a dick move? Yeah. But it did actually get the attention of someone so we could say "no, actually, the service was not good."

"In this economy," servers probably need that 20% as much as if not more than you do. If you do need it so badly that you cannot spare it, you cannot afford to eat out. It sucks, but it's how U.S. restaurant culture works.

Seriously, that is what I was taught and what we have taught the kids who come after us: the tip is part of the cost, if you cannot afford the tip, you cannot afford the meal.

And sometimes we spell out "if that means you have to skip dessert or not order a beverage, you DO THAT because that money is PAYING THE SERVER, and you can drink tap water but they can't pay their rent in tap water."

And I’m seeing people throwing conniptions about what they perceive as the latest sneakflation tactic: restaurants calculating the suggested tip percentage from the total including tax.

I’ve always done that: the server has to pay sales tax on things too!

I remember a reporter doing a story on the money-saving practice of calculating the tip on the pre-tax total. He got shredded. Shredded.

I don't tip on drive-through* or hand-me-a-thing type counter service---like a bakery where the assistant just gets a pastry out of a case and drops it in the bag. If the staff are fixing me a coffee, or toasting something, or doing anything more than handing me a good for money, I am a tipper.

*unless it's an espresso hut, they usually have a tip jar around and if I have small bills I tip there too.

If I’ve placed a takeout order that I know will inconvenience the staff, such as arriving in the hour before closing and requiring them to reheat the frying oil, I damn well offer a preemptive apology—-and back it up with a tip!

The US should abolish the concept of a tipped wage lower than minimum wage. The entire idea that you have to rely on the kindness of strangers to voluntarily pay your wages is insane.

Especially when many people are like LW.

Truth. But until we do people need to STFU and tip.

Yep. Complain to your congresspeople, not the workers who can't change anything.