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Dec. 30th, 2023 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Care and Feeding,
What’s the best way to handle “parenting” other people’s children? My kids are very close with a pair of siblings (all 9 and 6). The son, “Trent,” is my son’s best friend and likely has ADHD (they are awaiting formal diagnosis) As a result, he struggles with managing emotions and has frequent meltdowns over seemingly small issues, so it can be hard to tell how to address some of his behaviors versus how I would with my own kids.
Recently when the kids were over, the four of them decided to start a band. They all chose instruments, happily practiced for half an hour, and then called us in for a performance. At this point, Trent decided he wanted to play either the instrument my son had or the one his older sister had. I kindly explained that it wouldn’t be fair to switch as they’d all agreed earlier and been practicing, but he could choose a different instrument no one was using, be the second piano player alongside his sister, or they could do a second set afterwards where they swapped instruments and he could have the one he wanted. But he wasn’t interested in any of these and got upset.
I held firm on the fairness issue—with my kids, they don’t get their way just because they’re upset. Trent started crying and saying he wanted to go home, and I was a bit at a loss for what I should do. In the end, both his sister (who is used to these scenarios) and my son offered to swap with him, and he took my son’s instrument. I don’t know whether this was an emotional dysregulation thing or more typical 6-year-old who isn’t getting his way behavior. I told my son later it was kind of him to switch but that he shouldn’t feel he needs to do something he thinks is unfair just because someone else is upset. (My son was visibly annoyed when Trent didn’t thank him for swapping and was much less interested in the band after.)
What was the best way to handle a crying 6-year-old at my house when his parents aren’t there to step in? Should I have encouraged someone to swap with him when I saw he was getting upset to try to keep the peace, or was I right to hold the line?
—My House, Whose Rules?
( Read more... )
What’s the best way to handle “parenting” other people’s children? My kids are very close with a pair of siblings (all 9 and 6). The son, “Trent,” is my son’s best friend and likely has ADHD (they are awaiting formal diagnosis) As a result, he struggles with managing emotions and has frequent meltdowns over seemingly small issues, so it can be hard to tell how to address some of his behaviors versus how I would with my own kids.
Recently when the kids were over, the four of them decided to start a band. They all chose instruments, happily practiced for half an hour, and then called us in for a performance. At this point, Trent decided he wanted to play either the instrument my son had or the one his older sister had. I kindly explained that it wouldn’t be fair to switch as they’d all agreed earlier and been practicing, but he could choose a different instrument no one was using, be the second piano player alongside his sister, or they could do a second set afterwards where they swapped instruments and he could have the one he wanted. But he wasn’t interested in any of these and got upset.
I held firm on the fairness issue—with my kids, they don’t get their way just because they’re upset. Trent started crying and saying he wanted to go home, and I was a bit at a loss for what I should do. In the end, both his sister (who is used to these scenarios) and my son offered to swap with him, and he took my son’s instrument. I don’t know whether this was an emotional dysregulation thing or more typical 6-year-old who isn’t getting his way behavior. I told my son later it was kind of him to switch but that he shouldn’t feel he needs to do something he thinks is unfair just because someone else is upset. (My son was visibly annoyed when Trent didn’t thank him for swapping and was much less interested in the band after.)
What was the best way to handle a crying 6-year-old at my house when his parents aren’t there to step in? Should I have encouraged someone to swap with him when I saw he was getting upset to try to keep the peace, or was I right to hold the line?
—My House, Whose Rules?
( Read more... )