Sep. 27th, 2022

conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
Dear Therapist,

How do I talk about estrangement with my young children? Over the past year my husband and I have gone through a horribly painful estrangement from his parents. We were once very close and our children enjoyed nice relationships with them. As far as we know, our children have only warm, happy memories with their grandparents.

However, after struggling with alcoholism, anxiety, and depression for many years, my husband disclosed to me abuse that took place in his home when he was a young child. His parents have refused to listen, have said his memories are false, and have been completely unable to maintain basic decency when my husband has attempted to speak with them. I feel strongly that it is not safe for my children to have a relationship with them moving forward.

I come from a long line of generational trauma myself. My mother died 11 years ago and my father has Alzheimer’s. If there was any possibility of making it work with my husband’s parents, we would. We have attempted family therapy with them, but each time, the therapists have said it would be more harmful than not for my husband to attend, because his parents refuse to listen.

Our older son has asked about them only two or three times in the past year. I do not want to keep secrets from our children, but I also don’t want to overburden them with grown-up issues. How do we navigate this as our children grow and have more questions for us?

Jennifer
Los Angeles, California


Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
Dear Carolyn: We and our friends are aging. I have been aware for some time that we need to install a railing on our front stoop. My husband is against installing a handrail because of the cost. We have the funds.

He simply doesn’t want to use them for this home improvement.

This week a friend, recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s, came to visit with his wife. He couldn’t navigate the porch steps. I went to help him as he reached for a planter that I knew wouldn’t hold his weight. Near disaster averted. My heart broke watching him walk slowly into our home.

I felt we added to our friend’s emotional burden as well as endangering him physically. My husband’s response was that he is supposed to use a cane. It’s too costly to install a railing. We can help him navigate the steps next time, or his wife can.

We have always been the “entertainers” in our group. I want friends to feel welcome. Making it hard for them to enter our home and further diminishing their mobility, safety and sense of self seems unwelcoming at best and cruel at worst.

My husband and I regularly discuss your columns. I told him I’d be writing to you.

— Perilous Porch


Read more... )

Profile

Agony Aunt

June 2025

S M T W T F S
1 234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 4th, 2025 12:50 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios