Sep. 28th, 2022

ermingarden: medieval image of a bird with a tonsured human head and monastic hood (Default)
[personal profile] ermingarden
Q. Too Much Love for One Wedding: I’m getting married in a few weeks and my partner and I decided to do a joint wedding party because we’re queer and we’ve been together for so long, there’s a lot of friend overlap. For a medium-sized wedding, we’ve got 12 members in our wedding party.

There are a few friends who I love dearly but who didn’t make the final list. Most of it was just arbitrary, 12 feels big to me and we needed to make a cutoff. These friends aren’t coming to me upset or with accusations about it, but based on conversations, I think they’re feeling left out. We’re doing a welcome party for just friends and we’re doing drinks the day after for people still in town, but of course, it doesn’t work for everyone’s travel plans. There are also friends who we didn’t invite to the wedding at all because of venue capacity, waiting to get RSVPs from family, etc.

Any suggestions on how to let these people know I love them even if they’re not in the wedding party? Any suggestions for the people who weren’t invited at all? Not entirely sure what etiquette standards are expected or how to do right by people, while being upfront and accountable that we did make these decisions.

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conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has been married twice and insists on maintaining contact with four prior sexual partners (other than husbands). Most of the contact is by Facebook, instant message and cellphone. But one former partner is a high school classmate she sees every year at class "get-togethers."

I think what she's doing is inappropriate and will certainly be so after we are married. She insists they are just "friends" and I am being immature and "untrusting." She's adamant that she is unwilling to cease contact with these former sexual partners (now friends) under any circumstances. What's a guy to do? -- CROWDED IN FLORIDA


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conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
Dear Carolyn: My daughter just started middle school and discovered on the bus ride that her best friend of five years (“Mary”) was ignoring her and sitting with another girl from the neighborhood (“Suzie”). Apparently they became close friends over the summer and are now excluding my daughter.

When Suzie moved to the neighborhood two years ago, my daughter and I went out of our way to be inclusive and make sure she was invited to sleepovers and parties. Now I find that Suzie’s mom has been setting up outings just for Mary and Suzie and not my daughter.

Most of my daughter’s friends from elementary school went to another school, so she just knows the kids from the neighborhood, many of whom are not friendly to her.

I’m afraid this is going to be a rough year for her. Is it wrong for me to take it up with the parents? I feel angry. Angry at the parents and even the kids. I’m especially angry at Suzie’s mom for setting up play dates without my daughter. It feels calculated and cold. Mary’s mom is one of my best friends and is now mad at me for asking her to talk to her daughter about being inclusive.

— Middle School Mom


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