Carolyn Hax: Her sister-in-law has the starring role in a mean group chat

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn: My husband's friend informed us that 16 of my husband's female relatives and friends, led by my sister-in-law, have an active group chat devoted to how awful I am. I don't share any of their family's hobbies, religion or physical characteristics. Apparently, they've been trading cruel memes about these perceived faults for the past year and a half. My face was Photoshopped onto the Grinch's body.

My husband and I are their age, but while they are all wealthy, well-educated, married homeowners with children, we are childless renters in graduate school. My sister-in-law has significantly more social capital than my husband.

My husband has stood up for me with his family and friends. He agrees his sister's behavior — and the behavior of the others in this group — is unkind.

It feels like I'm being bullied, but nothing has been said directly to me. How should I respond to this, if at all? I know this has been a stressful year. Should I try to not be offended and view this as something that has morphed into their escape from pandemic parenting? Am I being overly sensitive?

— R.

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Care & Feeding: Sick of Moving

[minoanmiss]

Dear Care and Feeding,

Growing up, I moved four times before age 15. My family wasn’t in the military or anything, and we didn’t struggle financially—my parents just couldn’t decide which jobs they wanted or how close they wanted to be to extended family. It destroyed my ability to make and keep friends, and had long-lasting impacts on my self-esteem. I swore I’d never do that to my kids. ( Read more... )