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Care and Feeding: Am I a Bad Mom?
Jul. 25th, 2019 04:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceretaDear Care and Feeding,
I have a 2-year-old and a 1-month-old. My husband made a comment that made me feel like a bad mom. He said that since my second son was born, my first no longer seems important to me and that I focus solely on the newborn. He says this because I need to breastfeed my newborn almost every two hours.
The feeding is worse at night, and as a result, I am too drained of energy to play with or tend to my older son during the day, and my husband does most of that work. I’m looking for stories on how you made your 2-year-old feel that you love him just as much as before.
—Worn-Out, Heartbroken Mama
Dear WOHM,
This is an incredibly cruel thing for one partner to say to another. Feeling like a bad parent is inherent to being a parent.
It’s possible he’s just tired and stressed with two young kids in the house, and that has rendered him inarticulate. Or it’s possible he’s lashing out at you because he’s resentful of managing most of your toddler’s care. Neither of those is really an excuse. You should tell him how hurtful this is, and I hope he can hear that and apologize.
Feeling like a bad parent is inherent to being a parent. However, you should feel no guilt over the fact that you’re breastfeeding a newborn all night and cannot be the same parent to your older son that you were a couple of months ago.
These early days of newborn exhaustion will, someday, pass. A full partner in child rearing should do what he can to make this period as easy as possible on you. It’s a team sport! Please remember that the guilt you’re feeling is a result of something your husband said to you, not something your older son communicated. You should not feel like a bad mom. I know you’re exhausted and stressed, but this is something I hope the two of you can talk about honestly. Good luck.
I have a 2-year-old and a 1-month-old. My husband made a comment that made me feel like a bad mom. He said that since my second son was born, my first no longer seems important to me and that I focus solely on the newborn. He says this because I need to breastfeed my newborn almost every two hours.
The feeding is worse at night, and as a result, I am too drained of energy to play with or tend to my older son during the day, and my husband does most of that work. I’m looking for stories on how you made your 2-year-old feel that you love him just as much as before.
—Worn-Out, Heartbroken Mama
Dear WOHM,
This is an incredibly cruel thing for one partner to say to another. Feeling like a bad parent is inherent to being a parent.
It’s possible he’s just tired and stressed with two young kids in the house, and that has rendered him inarticulate. Or it’s possible he’s lashing out at you because he’s resentful of managing most of your toddler’s care. Neither of those is really an excuse. You should tell him how hurtful this is, and I hope he can hear that and apologize.
Feeling like a bad parent is inherent to being a parent. However, you should feel no guilt over the fact that you’re breastfeeding a newborn all night and cannot be the same parent to your older son that you were a couple of months ago.
These early days of newborn exhaustion will, someday, pass. A full partner in child rearing should do what he can to make this period as easy as possible on you. It’s a team sport! Please remember that the guilt you’re feeling is a result of something your husband said to you, not something your older son communicated. You should not feel like a bad mom. I know you’re exhausted and stressed, but this is something I hope the two of you can talk about honestly. Good luck.