Dear Annie: Yeah, I got nothing

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I am a divorced male in my early 50s. I'm in good health, successful and single. I'm single by choice, due to the availability of single women my age without issues (for lack of a better word).

I do not take any medications, other than vitamins every morning. I weigh 195 pounds, which is healthy for my height. While I do not consider myself a "Shallow Hal," there is no attraction for me to overweight women. Your body is the vessel that takes you through this life. If you have no respect for that, then how can you properly manage everything else in life? Women my age also tend to get too clingy too quickly.

My children are now grown (and successful in their own right) and I find myself with more time on my hands. As I type this on a Saturday night, alone in my living room, I'm curious to hear your advice.

I will go a little further to include financials: I own a house with a small mortgage, a rental property and some property in Florida. I have money in the bank and investments. Why couldn't I want someone who, at the very least, is financially secure?

Lastly, I will digress to my earlier statement of no medications, I will admit to indulging on occasion to good wine, craft beer and even quality spirits, although not to excess. The use of over-the-counter medication is also on my watch list. I wouldn't want to criticize where it is necessary but I also feel there is an overuse of said medication. Have a glass of wine or even some marijuana, now that is more accepted and natural. I feel there is no need to introduce chemicals in pill form into your body.

So, Annie, my question to you: Am I asking for too much? I will admit to some faults but still feel I am stable enough. As I re-read this and edit as I feel necessary, I have doubts that you would even consider publishing this inquiry due to its nature. I would look forward to any response. -- Bachelor

Dear Bachelor: My question to you: Why so defensive? I doubt anyone has told you that you couldn't "want someone who, at the very least, is financially secure." That's a reasonable expectation.

Lamenting your lack of dating options while at the same time disqualifying millions of women from your dating pool, however, is not so reasonable. That's exactly what you're doing by prejudging women your age (or older) as too "clingy" with too many "issues." And you disqualify millions more by refusing to date women who are overweight (an attribute you unfairly equate with some sort of moral failing).

Look, no one is telling you whom you can or can't date. I'm certainly not saying you can't be selective in choosing a partner. But you asked for my advice, so here it is: First, consider every woman as an individual, and second, be picky about the things that count -- which are seldom skin-deep.

Comments

[cereta]

Does anyone have that stinky dead fish we were slapping people with?

[oursin]

Have this very fine codfish.
And do we think 'issues' in 'women of his age' means 'old enough and been through enough to have no patience with his shit'?

[watersword]

Without question.

[cereta]

Yes. Yes, we think that very much.

[azurelunatic]

And my trout!

[beable]

And my halibut!

[ambyr]

He thinks wine and marijuana substitute for all OTC medication? Do they have unknown-to-me properties for treating, oh, congestion or heartburn or hay fever?

[cereta]

Yeah,one of my first thoughts was, "Well, this is someone who has never had menstrual cramps."

[rmc28]

Well this guy seems like a real catch.

[cereta]

Truly, I am mystified that he's still single.

[rmc28]

Divorced in his early 50s, with children "successful in their own right". Can't help wondering who did the divorcing and the child-raising.

[tielan]

But his sperm, R! His excellent genes clearly are the significant contributor to the supremacy of his children in their field!

[moem]

Is he asking too much? I don't see him asking anything at all. The actual question seems to be missing and he is calling himself 'single by choice'.
Problem? No problem.

You get to want whatever you want. Whether you're going to get it... well, that's another matter entirely.

[xenacryst]

Yeah, that was a reaction of mine (among a few others). He has a question? He hasn't posed one. He's merely spouting his uninformed, entitled, misogynistic opinions and hoping to get a cookie out of it.

[sara]

...yeah, he looks like an awful lot of single middle-aged dude dating profiles I've swiped left on over the last while. There are a lot of guys like this on the market.

[staranise]

People who think a mortgage is a substitute for a personality.

[tielan]

WHAT A PEACH! (Just like the ones I grew on my tree a couple of years back: looked okay on the outside, but full of maggotts on the inside.

[rmc28]

ACTUAL LOL :-)

[minoanmiss]

Niiiiiiice.

[xenacryst]

Thanks. I need a new cup of tea and a clean napkin now.

[neotoma]

Charlotte Lucas doesn't need you, Mr. Collins.

[lunabee34]

Ha ha ha ha!

[watersword]

Come on, William Collins could at least offer an entrée to the society of his esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. This man doesn't even have that!

[cimorene]

Seriously.

[ellen_fremedon]

LOL.

[naath]

Sure dude, have whatever preferences you want, but when it turns out no one meets them then don't fucking whine about it; you opted out of even thinking about dating *so* *many* *women* why are you shocked there are none left?

[redbird]

If I was a single woman of about his age, financially stable, healthy, and of a socially approved weight, and I was looking for a partner, my criteria would include that there is something, anything at all, that makes the potential partner attractive.

All he has given is a list of things that aren't (by his standards) wrong with him. and that he therefore feels entitled to judge women by: no active reason why I would want to date, or even talk to, him. Not just "I'm not after your money, and you'd better not be after mine."

What this tells me is that he's almost certainly one of the large majority of men who would break up with a woman who became disabled or chronically ill. There's no way to be sure a partner won't do that, but why choose someone who is as much as advertising that they will?

[laurajv]

right? does he have a personality other than "judgy"? I'm not seeing it, for sure.

[shirou]

The medication criterion is a new one on me. Otherwise this guy looks like a garden variety jackass.

[xenacryst]

My weed patch grows better jackasses.

[fox]

One can't imagine why his wife would have left him.

[heavenscalyx]

Well, gosh, we don't know whether perhaps he left her because she was, I dunno, taking Benadryl to sleep at night (possibly because his whining was too loud).

[lemonsharks]

I had a thought of, "you don't actually want a girlfriend, you want a sex worker"

But I also would not wish this absolute lamprey on any sex worker--I bet he's an awful tipper


(and I want to warn every 18- ~30 year old away from his creepy self because holy red flags batman, this guy is going to turn into an abuser the second he gets a taste of the power of controlling an intimate partner)

[minoanmiss]

I was going to write thsi comment but your version is better than mine would have been.

[conuly]

Christ, what an asshole.

[cereta]

Pretty much sums it up.

[metawidget]

Does this fellow have any interests? Maybe having interests we'll help him meet people…

[movingfinger]

I'm single by choice, due to the availability of single women my age without issues (for lack of a better word).

What a garbled way to put this, but it is of a piece with the rest of his reasoning.

Women in his age range who are financially secure (and due to the inequities of the economy, there are far, far fewer of them than women who are not) don't need to put up with his brand of self-righteousness judginess; younger women who aren't looking for a sugar daddy don't need to put up with it, either. Afraid he's SOL.

[melannen]

I'm glad you and your kids are all independently financially secure, because I think you probably *should* be in the market for someone who wants you for your money. I don't think there's any other reason they'd need to put up with you.

[eleanorjane]

What. a. fucking. tool.

[beable]

Wow, LW you sounds like a total prize.

So you basically want an attractive woman in perfect health who will wife on demand for you (sex, presumably cooking and cleaning) but who will stay packed in her box when she has those pesky needs for emotional reciprocity or some notion that you actually like and respect her for something other than wifing for you at your convenience.

Yeah, definitely a prize.

[beable]

Also theory:

He left his ex (aka the mother of the aforementioned children) because she developed some sort of chronic illness that requires her to take pain medication and caused weight gain and he rationalizes his shitty attitude by thinking that she's a hysterical addict who let herself go and has issues because of she truly respected him she wouldn't have gained the weight or need the medication.

[lilysea]

Completely plausible, especially since many medications for pain can cause weight gain - Lyrica [commonly prescribed for pain] causes most people who take it to gain 30-40 kilograms.
Steroids for inflammatory pain conditions [eg prednisone] are also strongly associated with weight gain.