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Mar. 26th, 2018
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minoanmissI got my partner a job at my company, we broke up, and she won’t leave
My partner of eight years and I just split up. We are not legally married. We are both female. Recently, I helped her get a job at my longtime workplace. I have worked there for more than 10 years. Our relationship has been rocky in the past, so when I helped her get a job at my workplace, I asked her to promise me she would find something else if we split up. Well, we broke up and she won’t leave.
I am planning on asking my HR department for help. I don’t know what they can do for me. I thinking about quitting, which I absolutely do not want to do. I don’t want to bring in any drama into my workplace. I don’t want to slander her.
I’m sorry you’re in that situation! That sounds really hard. Unfortunately, though, there’s not really anything you can do here, short of deciding to leave yourself. This isn’t something HR will intervene on; it’s a private relationship issue. The fact that you’d had an agreement that your ex would leave if you broke up isn’t something they’ll enforce. If you approach them, they’ll almost certainly just explain to you that this is a personal matter between the two of you and that they won’t ask someone to leave because a relationship ended … and it won’t reflect very well on you.
It sucks that you had an agreement that she’s not following through on now, but who knows, she might have more compelling reasons to stay now than she did before. And this isn’t the type of agreement you can insist someone keep; you’d be insisting that she abandon her source of income and that she do something that could have significant professional ramifications for her. At this point, you’ve got to accept that for whatever reason she no longer feels she can keep it.
The best thing you can do is to wait this out and see if you feel any differently a month or two now. If a few months from now, you’d still rather quit than work there with her, then sure, go ahead and start job searching. But it’s possible that after some time goes by, you’ll decide that you can continue to work there reasonably comfortably — or at least that you’re willing to make it work rather than quitting your job. Don’t decide anything now while you’re in the immediate aftermath of the break-up.
My partner of eight years and I just split up. We are not legally married. We are both female. Recently, I helped her get a job at my longtime workplace. I have worked there for more than 10 years. Our relationship has been rocky in the past, so when I helped her get a job at my workplace, I asked her to promise me she would find something else if we split up. Well, we broke up and she won’t leave.
I am planning on asking my HR department for help. I don’t know what they can do for me. I thinking about quitting, which I absolutely do not want to do. I don’t want to bring in any drama into my workplace. I don’t want to slander her.
I’m sorry you’re in that situation! That sounds really hard. Unfortunately, though, there’s not really anything you can do here, short of deciding to leave yourself. This isn’t something HR will intervene on; it’s a private relationship issue. The fact that you’d had an agreement that your ex would leave if you broke up isn’t something they’ll enforce. If you approach them, they’ll almost certainly just explain to you that this is a personal matter between the two of you and that they won’t ask someone to leave because a relationship ended … and it won’t reflect very well on you.
It sucks that you had an agreement that she’s not following through on now, but who knows, she might have more compelling reasons to stay now than she did before. And this isn’t the type of agreement you can insist someone keep; you’d be insisting that she abandon her source of income and that she do something that could have significant professional ramifications for her. At this point, you’ve got to accept that for whatever reason she no longer feels she can keep it.
The best thing you can do is to wait this out and see if you feel any differently a month or two now. If a few months from now, you’d still rather quit than work there with her, then sure, go ahead and start job searching. But it’s possible that after some time goes by, you’ll decide that you can continue to work there reasonably comfortably — or at least that you’re willing to make it work rather than quitting your job. Don’t decide anything now while you’re in the immediate aftermath of the break-up.
shirouFrom Dear Prudence
Q. Broken computer politics: A few weeks ago, my husband and I were visiting with several friends for a vacation. One morning, our friend’s son used my husband’s computer to watch a video—no problem, since he’s a little older and more responsible using electronics. However, he mistakenly forgot to put the laptop away once he was finished and left it open in a place easily accessible to the younger children. Within a few minutes, our other friend’s daughter had spilled juice all over the keyboard, thus destroying a quite expensive laptop. We had to go out and buy a replacement. While we have a rainy-day fund to cover the cost, it means we have to cut out our summer family vacation this year.
Because of the high cost, my husband feels that his friends should offer to chip in, namely the parents of the boy who used the computer and the parents of the girl who spilled juice on the laptop. I’m in slight agreement, although I think only the juice-spiller’s parents should chip in. So far, no one has offered any help. We’re both a bit dismayed, since if it were our children who were in some way responsible for such an incident, we would most definitely offer to help pay for a replacement. While my husband would like to ask for help, I feel it’s a bit tacky.
What’s the proper etiquette for such a situation? Are we wrong to expect offers of help? Is it a social faux pas to ask for compensation?
A: I’m willing to let others chime in here! I think an important question is whether your husband agreed to let the older boy use his laptop unsupervised and didn’t himself make sure it was safely put away afterward or the boy borrowed the laptop without asking and left it out. If it’s the former, I think the fault primarily rests with your husband (although it would have been appropriate for the other parents to at least offer to defray the cost). If it’s the latter, I think you have more latitude to ask the other parents to chip in. But either way, asking is not inherently tacky: “If you’re able, we’d really appreciate some help replacing the laptop [your wonderful child] spilled juice on.” If they decline, that’s disappointing, but you haven’t lost anything else; if they say yes, so much the better.
Q. Re: Broken computer politics: Since only one child ruined the computer, I think only that child’s parents should be asked to pay for a new one. The boy should have been more careful and I think this merits a talking to by his parents, but were there not any other children around when he left it out, nothing would have happened.
A: That’s a fair distinction. Someone else mentioned that if the friends have a homeowners or renters’ insurance policy, the laptop could be covered under their property damage liability; they may be able to submit a claim for a replacement.
Q. Broken computer politics: A few weeks ago, my husband and I were visiting with several friends for a vacation. One morning, our friend’s son used my husband’s computer to watch a video—no problem, since he’s a little older and more responsible using electronics. However, he mistakenly forgot to put the laptop away once he was finished and left it open in a place easily accessible to the younger children. Within a few minutes, our other friend’s daughter had spilled juice all over the keyboard, thus destroying a quite expensive laptop. We had to go out and buy a replacement. While we have a rainy-day fund to cover the cost, it means we have to cut out our summer family vacation this year.
Because of the high cost, my husband feels that his friends should offer to chip in, namely the parents of the boy who used the computer and the parents of the girl who spilled juice on the laptop. I’m in slight agreement, although I think only the juice-spiller’s parents should chip in. So far, no one has offered any help. We’re both a bit dismayed, since if it were our children who were in some way responsible for such an incident, we would most definitely offer to help pay for a replacement. While my husband would like to ask for help, I feel it’s a bit tacky.
What’s the proper etiquette for such a situation? Are we wrong to expect offers of help? Is it a social faux pas to ask for compensation?
A: I’m willing to let others chime in here! I think an important question is whether your husband agreed to let the older boy use his laptop unsupervised and didn’t himself make sure it was safely put away afterward or the boy borrowed the laptop without asking and left it out. If it’s the former, I think the fault primarily rests with your husband (although it would have been appropriate for the other parents to at least offer to defray the cost). If it’s the latter, I think you have more latitude to ask the other parents to chip in. But either way, asking is not inherently tacky: “If you’re able, we’d really appreciate some help replacing the laptop [your wonderful child] spilled juice on.” If they decline, that’s disappointing, but you haven’t lost anything else; if they say yes, so much the better.
Q. Re: Broken computer politics: Since only one child ruined the computer, I think only that child’s parents should be asked to pay for a new one. The boy should have been more careful and I think this merits a talking to by his parents, but were there not any other children around when he left it out, nothing would have happened.
A: That’s a fair distinction. Someone else mentioned that if the friends have a homeowners or renters’ insurance policy, the laptop could be covered under their property damage liability; they may be able to submit a claim for a replacement.