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agonyaunt2018-03-26 04:09 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2018-03-26 04:09 am
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: my cousin got in trouble after mentioning her period to her manager
A reader writes:
I’m writing today on behalf of my younger cousin Lauren, a high school sophomore who works as a cashier at a grocery store. To begin: is it inherently inappropriate to mention your period to your manager/ supervisor? Of course, I don’t mean yelling, “It’s a crime scene in my pants!” without prompting.
While she was working, Lauren began to sense Aunt Flo was making an unexpected visit. She had taken her break about a half hour earlier, but did not know she’d have to set up accommodations for Flo. My cousin continued working until there was a break in customer traffic and then asked her (male) supervisor if she could take a quick trip to the loo. Her supervisor looked annoyed and admonished her for not using her break to use the bathroom. My cousin said, “I actually did, but I am unexpectedly surfing the crimson wave.” According to Lauren, her manager looked embarrassed and allowed her to take her needed bathroom break.
During her next shift, she received a written citation for inappropriate language and insubordination. I asked Lauren if she had made the crimson wave remark loudly, in earshot of customers, or in a disrespectful manner. She said she had made a conscious effort to lower her voice, keep an even tone, and ask when no customers were around. I don’t think her use of slang was the issue; I suppose she could have said, “I am unexpectedly menstruating,” but that doesn’t necessarily seem more appropriate… just clinical? Also, she’s a sixteen-year-old girl having to tell her adult, male boss about her period — I don’t think one can dwell on her use of an inoffensive euphemism.
My first instinct is to head down to the store with my model of the the female reproductive system in tow and give Lauren’s supervisor a much-needed discussion about women and their mysteries, but clearly that is wrong. My cousin wants to handle this on her own like a mature adult, but isn’t quite sure how — especially because she’s not actually an adult and it appears her supervisor isn’t quite there yet either, in spite of his age. So three main questions:
1) Do you feel it is worth it to push back on this if her work environment is otherwise fine and she doubts it will be an issue again? This is a high school job and she’s an otherwise a stellar employee, so I doubt one citation will harm her future in any way. She would be doing it more for the principle of the matter.
2) Would it be appropriate for Lauren to address this first with a female supervisor (at the same level as the supervisor who reprimanded her; think night shift / day shift) rather than the male HR-type person? Lauren understandably doesn’t want to mention her period to more men who may react adversely, but also doesn’t want to involve people unnecessarily and make this a bigger deal than this has to be.
3) Lauren worries her concerns may be dismissed because adults don’t always take teens seriously. How would you phrase her complaint in a way that isn’t adversarial, but still conveys that she means business?
Okay, so for what it’s worth, “I’m unexpectedly surfing the crimson wave” wasn’t a great way for Lauren to put things when talking to a manager (of either sex), and I can understand him being a little taken aback just because it’s rather … crude wording.
That said, the manager should have just rolled with it. Writing her up is silly.
But it would be useful for you to arm Lauren with more professional language to have around for the future, like “I have my period and need to use the bathroom” or the getting-out-of-gym-class vague standby “It’s a feminine issue.”
Anyway, should she push back on this? Eh. If things are otherwise fine and she doesn’t expect it to be an issue again, I’d let it go. She wasn’t written up for saying she had her period, after all; at least if I’m understanding correctly, it was about the specific language she chose to use. (If it were the former, I’d absolutely tell her to fight it as strongly as possible.) Formally disciplining someone for that particular language is eye-rolly, but I don’t know that it’s a battle worth fighting.
That said, if she does want to push back, she could say something like this: “I want to ask that this write-up be removed from my file. I used a euphemism to explain to a male manager that I needed to use the bathroom because I had my period, and I don’t think it’s warranted to penalize me for that. Frankly, it’s awkward having to explain that to a man, and while I may not have chosen the absolute best wording, my intent was simply to explain the situation and get to the bathroom as quickly as possible. I have a track record of being an excellent employee, and I certainly didn’t intend to be inappropriate or insubordinate. The write-up makes me feel I’m being penalized for having my period at the wrong time, and I’m hoping it can be removed from my file.”
Ideally she’d say this to the HR person, even though he’s a man, because he’s the appropriate person to talk to. But if she can’t bring herself to do that, talking to a female manager would be the next best option (especially if there’s one who she thinks is particularly sensible).
Also, yay to Lauren for wanting to advocate for herself in general, and for seeking advice from you about it.
PS The follow up. The comments sections on both were astonishingly high in signal, and much kinder to everyone (even the boss) than I was expecting.
I’m writing today on behalf of my younger cousin Lauren, a high school sophomore who works as a cashier at a grocery store. To begin: is it inherently inappropriate to mention your period to your manager/ supervisor? Of course, I don’t mean yelling, “It’s a crime scene in my pants!” without prompting.
While she was working, Lauren began to sense Aunt Flo was making an unexpected visit. She had taken her break about a half hour earlier, but did not know she’d have to set up accommodations for Flo. My cousin continued working until there was a break in customer traffic and then asked her (male) supervisor if she could take a quick trip to the loo. Her supervisor looked annoyed and admonished her for not using her break to use the bathroom. My cousin said, “I actually did, but I am unexpectedly surfing the crimson wave.” According to Lauren, her manager looked embarrassed and allowed her to take her needed bathroom break.
During her next shift, she received a written citation for inappropriate language and insubordination. I asked Lauren if she had made the crimson wave remark loudly, in earshot of customers, or in a disrespectful manner. She said she had made a conscious effort to lower her voice, keep an even tone, and ask when no customers were around. I don’t think her use of slang was the issue; I suppose she could have said, “I am unexpectedly menstruating,” but that doesn’t necessarily seem more appropriate… just clinical? Also, she’s a sixteen-year-old girl having to tell her adult, male boss about her period — I don’t think one can dwell on her use of an inoffensive euphemism.
My first instinct is to head down to the store with my model of the the female reproductive system in tow and give Lauren’s supervisor a much-needed discussion about women and their mysteries, but clearly that is wrong. My cousin wants to handle this on her own like a mature adult, but isn’t quite sure how — especially because she’s not actually an adult and it appears her supervisor isn’t quite there yet either, in spite of his age. So three main questions:
1) Do you feel it is worth it to push back on this if her work environment is otherwise fine and she doubts it will be an issue again? This is a high school job and she’s an otherwise a stellar employee, so I doubt one citation will harm her future in any way. She would be doing it more for the principle of the matter.
2) Would it be appropriate for Lauren to address this first with a female supervisor (at the same level as the supervisor who reprimanded her; think night shift / day shift) rather than the male HR-type person? Lauren understandably doesn’t want to mention her period to more men who may react adversely, but also doesn’t want to involve people unnecessarily and make this a bigger deal than this has to be.
3) Lauren worries her concerns may be dismissed because adults don’t always take teens seriously. How would you phrase her complaint in a way that isn’t adversarial, but still conveys that she means business?
Okay, so for what it’s worth, “I’m unexpectedly surfing the crimson wave” wasn’t a great way for Lauren to put things when talking to a manager (of either sex), and I can understand him being a little taken aback just because it’s rather … crude wording.
That said, the manager should have just rolled with it. Writing her up is silly.
But it would be useful for you to arm Lauren with more professional language to have around for the future, like “I have my period and need to use the bathroom” or the getting-out-of-gym-class vague standby “It’s a feminine issue.”
Anyway, should she push back on this? Eh. If things are otherwise fine and she doesn’t expect it to be an issue again, I’d let it go. She wasn’t written up for saying she had her period, after all; at least if I’m understanding correctly, it was about the specific language she chose to use. (If it were the former, I’d absolutely tell her to fight it as strongly as possible.) Formally disciplining someone for that particular language is eye-rolly, but I don’t know that it’s a battle worth fighting.
That said, if she does want to push back, she could say something like this: “I want to ask that this write-up be removed from my file. I used a euphemism to explain to a male manager that I needed to use the bathroom because I had my period, and I don’t think it’s warranted to penalize me for that. Frankly, it’s awkward having to explain that to a man, and while I may not have chosen the absolute best wording, my intent was simply to explain the situation and get to the bathroom as quickly as possible. I have a track record of being an excellent employee, and I certainly didn’t intend to be inappropriate or insubordinate. The write-up makes me feel I’m being penalized for having my period at the wrong time, and I’m hoping it can be removed from my file.”
Ideally she’d say this to the HR person, even though he’s a man, because he’s the appropriate person to talk to. But if she can’t bring herself to do that, talking to a female manager would be the next best option (especially if there’s one who she thinks is particularly sensible).
Also, yay to Lauren for wanting to advocate for herself in general, and for seeking advice from you about it.
PS The follow up. The comments sections on both were astonishingly high in signal, and much kinder to everyone (even the boss) than I was expecting.