Dear Prudence: Wedding faux pas?

[lilysea]

Dear Prudence, I recently attended a wedding of one of my husband’s college friends. He’s not someone that we see often, but we encounter him and his bride two or three times a year at parties, are friends on Facebook, etc. Anyways, I wore a blue dress to the ceremony, and it turns out that the bride’s wedding colors were royal blue. Her bridesmaids wore the color, the close family wore the color. I had no idea. Other than a wedding invitation, we never had any contact with them prior to the event since a summer BBQ where dress codes were not discussed. It seems that she casually told some of her friends not to wear blue, and I didn’t get the message. She was apparently horrified that I had worn “her color.” Another woman also wore blue and got the same treatment.

At the start of the reception, she stomped over and said very loudly that she couldn’t believe I had worn her color. It was really embarrassing, but it was her wedding day so I apologized, said that I had no idea and that the whole day was beautiful. She stomped off in a huff, and eventually her husband came over and said that she was really upset and that seeing my dress was detracting from her having fun. He wanted to know whether I could change. A friend loaned me a long black sweater and I put it on over the dress. Later, the bride pointed me out (while using a microphone) and said “she’s not invited.” Later in the night, she came up to me AGAIN to tell me how this had shattered her day. At this point, my patience was wearing a little thin. We said our goodbyes. This morning, I woke up to being tagged in a rant about guest etiquette on Facebook and an email from the groom asking me to apologize again. I responded, copying his wife, reiterating my original message in a bland way (sorry, I didn’t know. I appreciated them letting me know and hopefully wearing the world’s largest sweater had mitigated it. It was a lovely day. Have a nice life). This woman has gone from generically fine to totally unhinged in my book. We’re going to see them again at a BBQ in about a month (it’s at our house, otherwise I’d skip it). I’m wondering how to handle this situation, especially since I just got a call from a mutual friend saying that she called her sobbing about how this had really cast a pall over her day. At this point, I don’t want to fuel the fire or ever engage again, but I’m stumped—because she seems excited to have a dead horse to beat.

Answer: Good Lord, this woman is grimly determined to be personally victimized by the color blue. It’s a little trickier to keep your distance as hosts than it would be as mere guests, but at least you always have the excuse of needing to check on the grill/cooler/new arrivals if you need to quickly escape her conversation. And, of course, if she or her husband try to drag up your mortal blue sin again, you can generically and cheerfully change the subject, excuse yourself, and make a mental note to disinvite these cranks from all future barbecues, cookouts, get-togethers, clambakes, and/or hootenannies. Do not apologize again, and do not entertain their future complaints. And, for your own sanity, mute or unfriend them on Facebook. Let all future rants about dress codes pass by you as th’idle wind, which you respect not.

 

Dear Prudence: I made a wheelchair user cry trying to help her with her wheelchair

[lilysea]

( Abled person is intrusive, offers unwanted 'help' )