![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
These people have no class
1. DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son was getting off the school bus. His friend was in front of him. My son thought it would be funny to take his friend's water bottle out of his backpack and drop it on the pavement. A few days later, my son got sent to the principal's office, not because he was in trouble but because the parents had called the school to complain about their son's scuffed water bottle and wanted it replaced. They asked for $23.
I wrote a check and was tempted to add a snarky comment, but I didn't. Yes, my son should keep his hands to himself, but the water bottle is still functional. My son apologized. Am I living my life wrong, or is it OK that they just invoiced me like that? -- UNSURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR UNSURE: Your son may have been trying to be funny when he damaged another student's property, but the boy's parents didn't see the humor in it. The bottle wasn't the disposable kind, and the parents were not out of line to expect to be reimbursed for your son damaging it. Perhaps HE can reimburse YOU.
Link one
***
2. We own a cabin across the street from our rural home. We rent it out occasionally. Our latest renter was the son of a neighbor who was in town for the holidays. We welcomed him and gave him our “friends and family” discount. On his first day there, we noticed that he had plugged his car into the charging station in the cabin’s garage. I understand his need to charge his car — but not at someone else’s expense. His behavior struck me as rude and presumptuous. Your thoughts?
LANDLORD
I’m afraid I don’t share your grievance. When you rent out a home with electrical outlets, it is fair to assume that they will be used. I would turn your attention to locking the garage or posting a sign about the additional cost of using the charging station (and possibly the toaster in the kitchen if that upsets you, too).
Link two
****
3. My husband’s relatives are visiting from another country over Christmas. The two adults speak English fluently, but they haven’t taught their children — ages 3 and 5 — a word of it. This means that I will not be able to communicate with the children at all and they will be frightened by everyone they meet at holiday events since they won’t understand anything. The parents claim they haven’t taught their children English because they will learn it in school. But they planned this visit a year ago! So, because of their laziness, I will be excluded from many conversations in my own home. I see no point in learning their language since there is no language barrier among the adults. This is not the children’s fault, but their parents’ behavior is annoying and deliberate. How should I handle it?
HOSTESS
I understand that you feel aggrieved. But I don’t think you’re being reasonable here. You may indeed fear exclusion, but I don’t believe it’s because two probably harried parents neglected to teach their children a second language in time for Christmas. They are very young and probably not brilliant conversationalists in any language. What’s really going on?
You rationalize your complaint, in part, by projecting fear onto the children. But why would they be frightened by friendly relatives when they have their parents and your husband to translate for them (and for you, too)? I have watched this dynamic with language barriers play out many times, and I have never witnessed a moment’s trouble — much less heard charges of dereliction leveled at parents.
I suggest you learn a few expressions in the children’s language and ask them to teach you some more, or stock up on puzzles and sticker books to play with them — the universal language of children. And since I assume your deeper complaint here stems from some other facet of your relationship with your visitors, I urge you to discuss it with your husband, not to gripe about young children speaking their native language.
Link three and four
***
4. A friend invited me to her New Year’s Eve party again this year, and again, she asked me to bring a dish to serve. A potluck! The food she offers herself is undistinguished. Granted, being a hostess is demanding, but my feeling is that if you can’t manage to feed your guests, you shouldn’t invite them. I would never ask mine to supply the repast. I am offended at the thought of buying and cooking food for her party. How can I decline her request to bring food but nevertheless attend the party?
GUEST
Oh, that’s rich! A New Year’s Eve potluck — which seems cozy and communal to me — offends you to the core, and yet you still want to attend? I think that’s a bad idea. You have been openly contemptuous of your friend and her party — a problem I see as graver than serving undistinguished repasts, as you put it. Don’t be hypocritical: Send your regrets and sit this one out.
****
5. Dear Eric: I own a few cars that I park on the street in front of my house. Some new toddlers and preschool kids are learning how to ride a bike. They circle constantly in front of my house instead of the house they rent next door to my house.
The neighbors park all over the street, and do not use the driveway. They have several cars and live in a cul-de-sac. They are not watching or teaching the kids how to ride or even stay out of the road as cars come through. But that's another issue. My question is, do I have any rights as a homeowner and county resident to ask the renters to stay away from the area in front of my house and the cars parked in front? My concern being the kids might hit my cars, and it's actually annoying to see them in front of my house for hours. People think these are my kids and think I'm not watching them.
What can I do?
– Neighborhood Watch
Dear Watch: Depending on how much space there is on your street, I’m not sure it’s reasonable to ask the neighbors to keep their cars away or to keep their kids off the street. If you have an HOA, there may be some guidance there, but in general the street is for everyone.
If you’re noticing that the children are behaving dangerously or if you’re finding that they’re taking up more than their share of spaces, you should alert the parents, through a calm, civil conversation.
If I’m reading this correctly, you have a few cars on the street and the neighbors have a few cars on the street, but you don’t want them to park on the street. If this is the case, I’d presume it’s because they’re renters and you’re a homeowner. I’d encourage you to let go of that belief.
Indeed, a lot of your frustration could be alleviated by simply talking to all your neighbors. Is it really true that other neighbors think these are your kids? If they haven’t bothered to talk to you, then what does it matter?
Respectfully, your annoyance is not your neighbors’ responsibility. You can ask for what you want but also listen when your neighbors respond with what they want. Peaceful coexistence is the goal, and that’s not going to happen if one person is dictating what can and can’t happen in the neighborhood.
Link five
I wrote a check and was tempted to add a snarky comment, but I didn't. Yes, my son should keep his hands to himself, but the water bottle is still functional. My son apologized. Am I living my life wrong, or is it OK that they just invoiced me like that? -- UNSURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR UNSURE: Your son may have been trying to be funny when he damaged another student's property, but the boy's parents didn't see the humor in it. The bottle wasn't the disposable kind, and the parents were not out of line to expect to be reimbursed for your son damaging it. Perhaps HE can reimburse YOU.
Link one
2. We own a cabin across the street from our rural home. We rent it out occasionally. Our latest renter was the son of a neighbor who was in town for the holidays. We welcomed him and gave him our “friends and family” discount. On his first day there, we noticed that he had plugged his car into the charging station in the cabin’s garage. I understand his need to charge his car — but not at someone else’s expense. His behavior struck me as rude and presumptuous. Your thoughts?
LANDLORD
I’m afraid I don’t share your grievance. When you rent out a home with electrical outlets, it is fair to assume that they will be used. I would turn your attention to locking the garage or posting a sign about the additional cost of using the charging station (and possibly the toaster in the kitchen if that upsets you, too).
Link two
3. My husband’s relatives are visiting from another country over Christmas. The two adults speak English fluently, but they haven’t taught their children — ages 3 and 5 — a word of it. This means that I will not be able to communicate with the children at all and they will be frightened by everyone they meet at holiday events since they won’t understand anything. The parents claim they haven’t taught their children English because they will learn it in school. But they planned this visit a year ago! So, because of their laziness, I will be excluded from many conversations in my own home. I see no point in learning their language since there is no language barrier among the adults. This is not the children’s fault, but their parents’ behavior is annoying and deliberate. How should I handle it?
HOSTESS
I understand that you feel aggrieved. But I don’t think you’re being reasonable here. You may indeed fear exclusion, but I don’t believe it’s because two probably harried parents neglected to teach their children a second language in time for Christmas. They are very young and probably not brilliant conversationalists in any language. What’s really going on?
You rationalize your complaint, in part, by projecting fear onto the children. But why would they be frightened by friendly relatives when they have their parents and your husband to translate for them (and for you, too)? I have watched this dynamic with language barriers play out many times, and I have never witnessed a moment’s trouble — much less heard charges of dereliction leveled at parents.
I suggest you learn a few expressions in the children’s language and ask them to teach you some more, or stock up on puzzles and sticker books to play with them — the universal language of children. And since I assume your deeper complaint here stems from some other facet of your relationship with your visitors, I urge you to discuss it with your husband, not to gripe about young children speaking their native language.
Link three and four
4. A friend invited me to her New Year’s Eve party again this year, and again, she asked me to bring a dish to serve. A potluck! The food she offers herself is undistinguished. Granted, being a hostess is demanding, but my feeling is that if you can’t manage to feed your guests, you shouldn’t invite them. I would never ask mine to supply the repast. I am offended at the thought of buying and cooking food for her party. How can I decline her request to bring food but nevertheless attend the party?
GUEST
Oh, that’s rich! A New Year’s Eve potluck — which seems cozy and communal to me — offends you to the core, and yet you still want to attend? I think that’s a bad idea. You have been openly contemptuous of your friend and her party — a problem I see as graver than serving undistinguished repasts, as you put it. Don’t be hypocritical: Send your regrets and sit this one out.
5. Dear Eric: I own a few cars that I park on the street in front of my house. Some new toddlers and preschool kids are learning how to ride a bike. They circle constantly in front of my house instead of the house they rent next door to my house.
The neighbors park all over the street, and do not use the driveway. They have several cars and live in a cul-de-sac. They are not watching or teaching the kids how to ride or even stay out of the road as cars come through. But that's another issue. My question is, do I have any rights as a homeowner and county resident to ask the renters to stay away from the area in front of my house and the cars parked in front? My concern being the kids might hit my cars, and it's actually annoying to see them in front of my house for hours. People think these are my kids and think I'm not watching them.
What can I do?
– Neighborhood Watch
Dear Watch: Depending on how much space there is on your street, I’m not sure it’s reasonable to ask the neighbors to keep their cars away or to keep their kids off the street. If you have an HOA, there may be some guidance there, but in general the street is for everyone.
If you’re noticing that the children are behaving dangerously or if you’re finding that they’re taking up more than their share of spaces, you should alert the parents, through a calm, civil conversation.
If I’m reading this correctly, you have a few cars on the street and the neighbors have a few cars on the street, but you don’t want them to park on the street. If this is the case, I’d presume it’s because they’re renters and you’re a homeowner. I’d encourage you to let go of that belief.
Indeed, a lot of your frustration could be alleviated by simply talking to all your neighbors. Is it really true that other neighbors think these are your kids? If they haven’t bothered to talk to you, then what does it matter?
Respectfully, your annoyance is not your neighbors’ responsibility. You can ask for what you want but also listen when your neighbors respond with what they want. Peaceful coexistence is the goal, and that’s not going to happen if one person is dictating what can and can’t happen in the neighborhood.
Link five
no subject
Either way, you cannot just laugh and go "boys will be boys" about this. You just know that if it had been something of LW's that the other kid had broken, they wouldn't be so relaxed about it!
2. JFC. Admittedly, I have no idea how much it costs to charge an electric car, but if it costs that much you add it into the cost of the rent.
3. I have no words, in English or in any other language, for how abhorrent this LW is, and they even try to claim that they're just worried about the children. I don't see why the children should be scared and confused, it's not like they'll be there alone with only LW3 for company. And "excluded from conversations"? They're conversations with preschoolers. They just aren't all that interesting.
4. It's not like LW4 has never heard of a potluck before and might reasonably claim to be shocked by this strange new idea. Either follow the rules of the party or stay home.
5. And here's LW5, who doesn't even put in more than the tiniest amount of effort into pretending he cares if these toddlers live or die. That's amazing. How can you write this all out and send it in, and never stop and think "Wait - do I sound like a dick? I think I sound like a dick, I better edit it a little!" before hitting submit?
no subject
no subject