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ceretaDear Care and Feeding,
I have a 14-year-old son, “Toby.” Toby’s always been a jokester, and I don’t mean in the telling jokes sort of way: He’s frequently a class clown and someone who has to say or do outrageous things in any group to get attention. It was tolerable; despite his antics, his grades are good, and he usually knows how to toe the line and avoid serious trouble. Well, until yesterday.
I was expecting an important call from work, serious enough to take on a weekend. But I had a stomach issue and was in the restroom when the phone rang, so Toby picked it up. I was on the can for about 10 minutes and could hear Toby speaking to someone but not clearly saying what he was saying. I get out of the restroom and find Toby laughing his head off.
He had told my co-worker that she had called a murder scene, and he was the detective investigating and spent the call grilling her on how she “knew the victim” and asking for her input on whether she knew anyone likely to do this.
I got the phone back from him and straightened everything out with my colleague, or so I think. This has gone way too far. And I wish I could say I didn’t see the warning signs, but they were always there. Yes, I can be more careful about letting him get my phone, but the whole incident makes me realize I’ve been too lenient about these pranks, and they need to stop yesterday. Only, I’ve indulged them long enough that I’m not sure how to make an about-face work when he inevitably doesn’t want to go along. How do I change a significant part of his personality at this stage?
—Gone Too Far
Dear Gone Too Far,
You’re going to have to teach your son the difference between an acceptable prank, such as pretending to be a fast food restaurant when your sister calls, and an inappropriate one, like the one he did recently. Be honest with him about the fact that you let his shenanigans go on for too long, and that you regret not checking him sooner. When his antics cross the line, he should face consequences; loss of screen time is one that tends to resonate with kids his age. Talk to him about how his actions make people feel and ask him to consider how terrified your coworker must have been. Explain to him that pranks should be fun for everyone involved, not just the person pulling them. As a rule, if the target of his jokes can’t laugh along with them, then he shouldn’t proceed. Hold him accountable going forward, and don’t worry that you’re altering part of his personality; you’ll be helping him to improve his character.
I have a 14-year-old son, “Toby.” Toby’s always been a jokester, and I don’t mean in the telling jokes sort of way: He’s frequently a class clown and someone who has to say or do outrageous things in any group to get attention. It was tolerable; despite his antics, his grades are good, and he usually knows how to toe the line and avoid serious trouble. Well, until yesterday.
I was expecting an important call from work, serious enough to take on a weekend. But I had a stomach issue and was in the restroom when the phone rang, so Toby picked it up. I was on the can for about 10 minutes and could hear Toby speaking to someone but not clearly saying what he was saying. I get out of the restroom and find Toby laughing his head off.
He had told my co-worker that she had called a murder scene, and he was the detective investigating and spent the call grilling her on how she “knew the victim” and asking for her input on whether she knew anyone likely to do this.
I got the phone back from him and straightened everything out with my colleague, or so I think. This has gone way too far. And I wish I could say I didn’t see the warning signs, but they were always there. Yes, I can be more careful about letting him get my phone, but the whole incident makes me realize I’ve been too lenient about these pranks, and they need to stop yesterday. Only, I’ve indulged them long enough that I’m not sure how to make an about-face work when he inevitably doesn’t want to go along. How do I change a significant part of his personality at this stage?
—Gone Too Far
Dear Gone Too Far,
You’re going to have to teach your son the difference between an acceptable prank, such as pretending to be a fast food restaurant when your sister calls, and an inappropriate one, like the one he did recently. Be honest with him about the fact that you let his shenanigans go on for too long, and that you regret not checking him sooner. When his antics cross the line, he should face consequences; loss of screen time is one that tends to resonate with kids his age. Talk to him about how his actions make people feel and ask him to consider how terrified your coworker must have been. Explain to him that pranks should be fun for everyone involved, not just the person pulling them. As a rule, if the target of his jokes can’t laugh along with them, then he shouldn’t proceed. Hold him accountable going forward, and don’t worry that you’re altering part of his personality; you’ll be helping him to improve his character.
