(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My niece “Abby” recently turned 8. In the weeks leading up to her birthday, her mom (my sister) “Yara” was looking high and low for a pink hoverboard from a specific brand in her price range to get for Abby but was unable to find one (she wanted one for Christmas, but they were sold out). Yara eventually settled on a scooter but said she really wished she could have found the hoverboard.

With a month to go before my niece’s birthday, I regularly scoured Amazon and eBay until one night I lucked out and found the hoverboard in the model and color Yara wanted for Abby. It was a little more than I would have liked to spend, but I remembered Yara telling me how much Abby had been hoping for one, so I decided to splurge and surprise her with it.

Fast forward to opening presents on Abby’s birthday. She was absolutely thrilled with the hoverboard and it really stole the show at the party. I was feeling pretty great. My niece now had the gift she’d been longing for since Christmas and all was right with the world. But I was not prepared for my sister’s reaction. After the party was over, she pulled me aside. I thought she was going to thank me. Instead, she ripped me up and down for making her “look like a failure of a mother in front of everyone.” I was stunned and said I had assumed she would be happy Abby had been able to get the hoverboard no matter who it came from. I just wanted to do something nice for Abby; I never thought of it as a competition, I told her. Yara retorted that I “always needed to play the hero” and stomped off. I didn’t know what else to say and left the restaurant.

Yara has always been a little on the insecure side, but I truly thought I was doing something wonderful. Not just for Abby, but for her as well. I thought that she would appreciate what I did given how much joy it brought to her daughter. She’s been very curt with me ever since. I really am puzzled by her reaction. My mother reminded me that “your sister tends to overanalyze things” and suggested giving her some space. But what’s there to “analyze” here? Was getting the hoverboard the wrong thing to do?

—Just Thinking of My Niece!

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife “Cathy” and I have two kids, “Sadie,” who is 10, and “Melody,” who is 8. Melody’s friend “Audrey” is having a birthday slumber party next month and she has been invited. Melody has type 1 diabetes and recently began using an insulin pump, which has allowed her more freedom in terms of things like eating and not having to worry about injections. Her care team has been great in teaching her how to manage it and she’s been doing really well with oversight from my wife and me.

Melody has been allowed to have friends over to our place for sleepovers, but we have never let her stay overnight at a friend’s alone before due to her condition. On prior occasions when Melody has gone to a sleepover party, she has been allowed to stay until after dinner is served (with my wife or myself present for the duration in case of an emergency) and then gone home. She has been lobbying big time to go to Audrey’s slumber party by herself and points out that we have allowed Sadie to go to sleepovers by herself since she was 7. Given how well Melody has been doing with her insulin pump, I think this would be a good opportunity for her to start having typical childhood experiences that her condition previously put limitations on.

The trouble is that Cathy is adamantly against Melody staying overnight solo. As far as she’s concerned, our previous way of doing things has worked well and she sees no reason to “fix something that isn’t broken.” I think she is missing that the whole point of getting Melody the pump was to make it possible for her to become more independent. Audrey’s parents are aware of Melody’s condition and have a nephew who is diabetic. (They were even the ones who told us how much of a difference an insulin pump made for him, which put us on the path to getting one for Melody.) They know how to provide help if she needs it and I see no reason to think our daughter would be at risk if she went on her own. Melody is becoming increasingly upset at what she refers to as her mother treating her “like a baby,” and I worry about how this will affect their relationship if Cathy continues to prevent our daughter from participating in age-appropriate experiences. What can I do to help my wife overcome her trepidation?

—She’s Not Made of Glass

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