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Gifts are obligatory
Jan. 29th, 2024 05:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobel[I am getting major deja vu with this, but can't find it on reddit or other advice columns or here...]
Dear Amy: Gift-giving is my “love language,” and I really go above and beyond to give gifts to friends and family members for their special days. I’m thoughtful in that way, and I genuinely enjoy doing this for others.
However, I recently celebrated my birthday. I got phone calls and texts from the people I’m closest to, and one person sent me a card, but I didn’t receive any gifts at all. I’m really upset and have decided to stop giving to all of these people. Maybe I shouldn’t make this decision when I’m so upset, so I’m checking my decision with you. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?
— Cheerful Giver
Cheerful: If giving and receiving gifts is your “love language,” then you might feel better about this situation by reconsidering your definition of “gifts.” Your friends and family members remembered your birthday and got in touch with you.
Is a phone call or an affectionately worded text message on your birthday the equivalent of receiving a scented candle? Is a carefully chosen birthday card a real gift? I’m suggesting that if you opened your eyes to these expressions, you might see these relationships themselves as gifts that keep on giving. Because this imbalance upsets you, you should scale back on your material gifting and become more fluent in another love language: words of affirmation.
Dear Amy: Gift-giving is my “love language,” and I really go above and beyond to give gifts to friends and family members for their special days. I’m thoughtful in that way, and I genuinely enjoy doing this for others.
However, I recently celebrated my birthday. I got phone calls and texts from the people I’m closest to, and one person sent me a card, but I didn’t receive any gifts at all. I’m really upset and have decided to stop giving to all of these people. Maybe I shouldn’t make this decision when I’m so upset, so I’m checking my decision with you. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?
— Cheerful Giver
Cheerful: If giving and receiving gifts is your “love language,” then you might feel better about this situation by reconsidering your definition of “gifts.” Your friends and family members remembered your birthday and got in touch with you.
Is a phone call or an affectionately worded text message on your birthday the equivalent of receiving a scented candle? Is a carefully chosen birthday card a real gift? I’m suggesting that if you opened your eyes to these expressions, you might see these relationships themselves as gifts that keep on giving. Because this imbalance upsets you, you should scale back on your material gifting and become more fluent in another love language: words of affirmation.