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conuly1. Dear Carolyn: My daughter-in-law has 13-year-old twin boys who stay with their father during school days. On the weekends, they are supposed to come to her house.
One twin recently had a conflict with her, lying about an incident that never occurred, and now refuses to come and stay at the house. He continually hurts his mother by saying he will come, then changing his mind at the last minute.
A special occasion is fast approaching. My daughter-in-law insists on buying the same amount of gifts for each twin. He will certainly come to get his gifts.
I am really resisting giving the twins the same amount of gifts. I feel that one twin has made no effort to be part of this family for the past year and does not merit the same treatment as the other twin, who faithfully comes every weekend to be with his mother.
I do not want to hurt my daughter-in-law’s feelings, but if the absent twin gets treated the same by us all, then there will be no consequences to his behavior, which has been awful. Please help.
— Rock and a Hard Place.
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2. Dear Carolyn: My wife and I live almost 900 miles away from our son, his wife and their 2 1/2-year-old daughter. Since we retired shortly after our granddaughter was born, our hope was to spend time with them at least four times a year. We recently stayed at their home and offered to take care of our granddaughter while they both worked. Our son insisted their daughter needed to go to day care to keep her in her routine and for socialization. We asked for only one day, but he said as the parent, his decision was final.
We were offended that we could not spend time going to a park, the library, and out for lunch so our granddaughter could get to know us a little better. We have decided to rethink our travel plans in the future as we feel that our presence in our granddaughter's life isn't that important to them.
To add injury to insult, we chose to live where we grew up so that both of our sons would have lots of interaction with both sets of their grandparents. Now we are being denied quality time with our granddaughter. How do we communicate our disappointment to the parents?
— Offended
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3. Dear Amy: As an older male I have seen fundamental changes in all types of relationships. One change is a reduction in work ambition. Some people chose “quiet quitting” – to do as little as possible and still keep their job. I see “quiet quitting” in relationships as well, and my daughter has chosen to quietly quit her relationship with me. She seems happy to see me when we get together (rarely) and there is always a “love you” somewhere – but that’s it.
Her mother and I got divorced 15 years ago when my kids were teenagers. They lived with her full time. I know that my ex does her best to poison their relationship with me.
My daughter and her husband never proactively contact me or offer to get together, even though I live nearby. I suggest that they come to my home to celebrate my birthday – but it never happens. She and her husband had Easter dinner with her mother, but she didn’t even bother to give me a “Happy Easter” phone call.
She even had her mother give her away at her wedding, even though she and her fiancé made sure to visit me to get a substantial check for half the wedding cost. I have chosen to not only write her completely out of my will, but I will not leave any money to her new child. Instead, I will leave everything to my son. I will have multiple millions of dollars in my estate and as I take my last breaths in life I will have a sense of pleasure knowing how shocked she and her husband will be when my will is read.
– Dad in Name Only
( Read more... )
One twin recently had a conflict with her, lying about an incident that never occurred, and now refuses to come and stay at the house. He continually hurts his mother by saying he will come, then changing his mind at the last minute.
A special occasion is fast approaching. My daughter-in-law insists on buying the same amount of gifts for each twin. He will certainly come to get his gifts.
I am really resisting giving the twins the same amount of gifts. I feel that one twin has made no effort to be part of this family for the past year and does not merit the same treatment as the other twin, who faithfully comes every weekend to be with his mother.
I do not want to hurt my daughter-in-law’s feelings, but if the absent twin gets treated the same by us all, then there will be no consequences to his behavior, which has been awful. Please help.
— Rock and a Hard Place.
( Read more... )
2. Dear Carolyn: My wife and I live almost 900 miles away from our son, his wife and their 2 1/2-year-old daughter. Since we retired shortly after our granddaughter was born, our hope was to spend time with them at least four times a year. We recently stayed at their home and offered to take care of our granddaughter while they both worked. Our son insisted their daughter needed to go to day care to keep her in her routine and for socialization. We asked for only one day, but he said as the parent, his decision was final.
We were offended that we could not spend time going to a park, the library, and out for lunch so our granddaughter could get to know us a little better. We have decided to rethink our travel plans in the future as we feel that our presence in our granddaughter's life isn't that important to them.
To add injury to insult, we chose to live where we grew up so that both of our sons would have lots of interaction with both sets of their grandparents. Now we are being denied quality time with our granddaughter. How do we communicate our disappointment to the parents?
— Offended
( Read more... )
3. Dear Amy: As an older male I have seen fundamental changes in all types of relationships. One change is a reduction in work ambition. Some people chose “quiet quitting” – to do as little as possible and still keep their job. I see “quiet quitting” in relationships as well, and my daughter has chosen to quietly quit her relationship with me. She seems happy to see me when we get together (rarely) and there is always a “love you” somewhere – but that’s it.
Her mother and I got divorced 15 years ago when my kids were teenagers. They lived with her full time. I know that my ex does her best to poison their relationship with me.
My daughter and her husband never proactively contact me or offer to get together, even though I live nearby. I suggest that they come to my home to celebrate my birthday – but it never happens. She and her husband had Easter dinner with her mother, but she didn’t even bother to give me a “Happy Easter” phone call.
She even had her mother give her away at her wedding, even though she and her fiancé made sure to visit me to get a substantial check for half the wedding cost. I have chosen to not only write her completely out of my will, but I will not leave any money to her new child. Instead, I will leave everything to my son. I will have multiple millions of dollars in my estate and as I take my last breaths in life I will have a sense of pleasure knowing how shocked she and her husband will be when my will is read.
– Dad in Name Only
( Read more... )