Infidelity!

[conuly]

1. DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for a little over a year. I love her. However, right before our wedding, I met a co-worker I'll call "Alexis." We hit it off, and I consider her a close friend.

Alexis and I hooked up a few times before and after my wedding. We never discuss the encounters after they happen. After we've had a few drinks, we both say things about being together, but usually, we're just best friends. While my friends believe this is odd, it's almost a blessing that the awkward conversation doesn't happen after a night of something happening.

There have been instances when I have ditched my wife to hang out with Alexis -- not to do anything, but just to hang out with her and her mother. My wife says I spend too much time with Alexis between work and after work, but she's fun to be with. My wife is kind of a homebody. She doesn't like to go out and have a good time.

My wife doesn't trust Alexis, and while I can't blame her, I'm conflicted about what my next step should be. I love my wife, but I also love Alexis as more than a friend, and I know she feels the same. What should I do next? -- LOVES THEM BOTH

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2. DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my oldest friends is going through a messy separation with his wife. My friend was caught having an affair, which resulted in his wife kicking him out of the house. He asked me if he would be able to stay with me and my wife for a few weeks. I wanted to let him stay with us so badly, but my wife was opposed to the idea. I hated to leave my friend when he needed me, but I could not force my wife to get involved in something so messy when she is good friends with his wife as well. I'm worried that our friendship will never be the same. Did I betray my friend by not helping him out? -- Out of My Control

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3. Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 23 years. It took me many years to trust him, due to his past behavior where he lied to me and was with other women. Honestly, it took me over 20 years to finally trust him, but this was a mistake. Recently, he started acting suspiciously, again.

In the past, I never looked in his phone, but this time I decided to look at his text messages. He was planning to take a single woman camping for a weekend. He’s known her for a while. She knows he is married. We had a huge fight. He said he told her that I said it was OK. What single middle-aged woman would think that any shade of this is OK?

I tried to contact her by phone and text. She never responded. I made him leave for the weekend so that I could think about our relationship. I am angry, hurt and I feel betrayed. I destroyed every card and 99 percent of my pictures of the two of us.

He says he doesn't want a divorce. He says he wants me here with him. He is refusing counseling. Any suggestions?

– Sad and Empty

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4. Dear Carolyn: When someone is nearly certain that a partner has lied to them about fidelity, and also kept an STD secret while not protecting the unknowing partner, is it okay to look at their phone to verify a communication that would prove the suspicions are true? The partner suspected of lying has a temper and (ironically) believes looking at someone’s phone is an unforgivable transgression on par with stealing or cheating.

— Anonymous

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Cut for body shaming

[conuly]

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Carolyn Hax: Hello, Whole Man Disposal Service?

[swingandswirl]

This poor woman's partner is damned lucky to still be whole, is all I'm saying.

Dear Carolyn: Yesterday, I spilled a bunch of breast milk on the floor because I was pumping while simultaneously trying to clean up our living room during my lunch break from work. My husband got irritated at me about the spill, which came -close- to hitting his laptop (but didn’t!), and I was apologetic.

On reflection, though, I am furious about that interaction. I have the kind of breast pump that can be worn on the go, and the implication is that I can work while wearing it. But it’s not enough that I’m providing food for our baby while working a full-time job, I have to triple-multitask by trying to do housework during work hours because he never does.

And instead of noticing that I’m spinning so many plates that one came -close- to dropping, and offering to help, he snapped at me for the near miss.

Am I just spiraling, or do I have a point? And, is there any way to get this point across without just sounding like a harpy?

— Sigh!

( Sadly, murder was not on the list of suggestions.  )