Miss Manners investigates a crime

[petrea_mitchell]

Miss Manners: Items vanish post‑party, and list of possible culprits is down to 3. How do I proceed?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a dinner party for 20 guests. Since a few of them smoke, I had arranged a separate room to function as a smoking room.

After the party, I discovered that a very small painting and a little sculpture were missing from the smoking room. Neither of them is really valuable, even sentimentally, but it still has left me very distraught.

There is no other way that these items could have disappeared except being taken by someone. Only three guests were ever in that room.

Now, what do I do? I have not mentioned this to anyone, since it undoubtedly would make everyone uncomfortable and lead to speculations about who took the things. I’d rather just forget about the whole thing, but if something similar happens in someone else’s home, I will feel guilty for not having said anything.

( Read more... )

AAM: my coworker won’t stop interfering with my service dog

[petrea_mitchell]

A reader writes:

I work in a cubicle office and bring a trained, medically necessary service dog named “Betty” to the office with me. I allow her to socialize with coworkers on breaks, and she is very loved in the office for how friendly and adorable she is. She also adores her coworkers and thinks everyone is her best friend.

Unfortunately, a new coworker, “Sarah,” has been repeatedly ignoring service dog boundaries with Betty over the last six months.

These boundary violations include taking Betty out of my cube while I’m on work calls or distracted, removing her leash in public work areas without asking, entering my cube without permission to interact with her, and petting her or interacting with her when I step away from my desk. This has started to impact Betty’s training as she’s now having separation anxiety behaviors when I leave in order to get attention. Sarah would respond to this behavior, which escalated it, despite being asked repeatedly not to.

Things were at their worst today when Sarah not only removed Betty’s leash but also attempted to remove her service dog gear. I asked her to stop but this didn’t work, and I had to physically push her hands away from Betty.

I have had multiple conversations with Sarah about her behavior with little success. When I point out a specific behavior, Sarah will then start doing a new one or find different ways to circumvent the boundary and continue her interactions with Betty. This appears to be a pattern with Sarah, as there are other areas where she struggles to incorporate feedback.

All my conversations with Sarah so far have been verbal and in the moment, as we are equals and I don’t feel it is my place to supervise her behavior. I did message my supervisor about the concerns when they started escalating and we had a one-on-one about it. My supervisor then spoke with Sarah’s supervisor about the issues and a one-on-one was had with Sarah about a month ago. Despite this, the behavior has not gotten better and seems to be getting worse.

I have had a previous negative experience with HR where I was blamed for not handling a verbally aggressive and threatening coworker with clearer boundaries before escalating to them. This time I want to make sure that I’m doing everything I can and should before I escalate things to HR again. I also don’t want to ruin the atmosphere of the office by cutting off all contact to Betty due to one coworker being unable to follow boundaries. What should I do in this instance to handle it professionally and not step on toes or upset HR?

– Trying to keep my working dog working

( Read more... )

( Plus, an update from the comments )