![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
My daughter “Melody” is in the midst of the terrible twos. Five or more meltdowns per day over normal frustrations/limits are typical. Recently, my mother-in-law, “Darlene” took Melody and my 6-year-old son out to run errands, and true to form, Melody had a blow-up. It was how Darlene handled it that has me seeing red. She told Melody that she was leaving her in the store and that she could find her own way home, and left her screaming on the floor! She then moved off with my son, out of my daughter’s view, and waited for several minutes before coming back for her. I only learned of this later when my son told me what happened.
When I confronted my mother-in-law, she claimed her method was helpful because Melody behaved afterward. And she said Melody was “never in any danger” because she kept her in sight at all times. After this, I no longer feel safe with Darlene going places with the kids without my husband present or me. Sadly, my husband is no help. He agrees that this was a good “lesson” in behaving for our daughter and that his mother used to do it to him and his sister when they were kids! Please tell me I’m right in telling Darlene her days of taking the kids solo are over.
—Pissed
Dear Pissed,
Your mother-in-law engaged in a parenting tactic that many folks would likely find acceptable, but I agree with you that it was inappropriate and cruel to scare your daughter that way. If you feel like she won’t respect your aversion to that type of behavior, then you should cut off her solo time with the kids. Let your husband know that you are not willing to bend on this and that you do not feel comfortable with your mother-in-law babysitting again unless she agrees to follow your rules. You can either give her another chance to get it right or let her know that things have changed for good. No matter what you decide, you are well within your rights as a mom!
Link
When I confronted my mother-in-law, she claimed her method was helpful because Melody behaved afterward. And she said Melody was “never in any danger” because she kept her in sight at all times. After this, I no longer feel safe with Darlene going places with the kids without my husband present or me. Sadly, my husband is no help. He agrees that this was a good “lesson” in behaving for our daughter and that his mother used to do it to him and his sister when they were kids! Please tell me I’m right in telling Darlene her days of taking the kids solo are over.
—Pissed
Dear Pissed,
Your mother-in-law engaged in a parenting tactic that many folks would likely find acceptable, but I agree with you that it was inappropriate and cruel to scare your daughter that way. If you feel like she won’t respect your aversion to that type of behavior, then you should cut off her solo time with the kids. Let your husband know that you are not willing to bend on this and that you do not feel comfortable with your mother-in-law babysitting again unless she agrees to follow your rules. You can either give her another chance to get it right or let her know that things have changed for good. No matter what you decide, you are well within your rights as a mom!
Link
no subject
1. No two year old should have tantrums, five tantrums a day can only be the result of poor parenting, that is, insufficient punishment
2. Nobody should ever take a two year old OR a six year old on any errands ever
3. "My parents did this to me a ton, therefore it's just fine"
That last shows up in the letter as well, so let's tackle that first. If your parents did it so often that you can remember specific incidents then it clearly didn't work very well at all, because you still acted out in public.
Also, Melody is two years old, so.
As for the letter and the remaining comments, about 20% of two year olds have one tantrum a day. Five tantrums daily, or more, is not normal. However, you cannot punish your way out of tantrums in toddlers. The parents need to speak to a pediatrician about getting a referral to have their daughter evaluated for something, because Melody deserves better than to be that upset or frustrated every single day.
no subject
I can't recall if any of my kids ever had as many as five meltdowns a day, but it depends what you mean by a meltdown. There may have been short periods when they did. It seems very different to me if a kid had a bad week or two when everything went wrong a lot, versus months of five or more episodes a day. Also five times of a few tears and a "No! No!" is way different from bloodcurdling ululations and drumming heels on the floor.