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Children have opinions, news at 11
Dec. 4th, 2024 01:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelHow do we get our 4-year-old to stop negotiating and respect our rules?
Hi Meghan: My 4-year-old is pushing boundaries, as she should. She’s also a fast learner. She’s taken to turning the same approaches we use on her back on us.
For example: She would not go into her room at bedtime. Parent said if she did not go into her room, she would lose one minute of screen time the next day. A few minutes later, she said if parent did not do something they had already said we would not do, parent would lose five points tomorrow. Funny, usually. But not when we say “I’m asking you to do X” or “I need you to do Y” and the response is often “No, I’M asking you to do [some unacceptable thing].”
How do we balance respecting her right for autonomy and her (frankly very good) negotiation techniques with the need for her to respect rules and do what we say when necessary?
— Mini-negotiator
Mini-negotiator: Negotiation requires not just talking through something but compromising on what you want. Sure, you can have some discussion with a 4-year-old, but compromise? That requires a good bit of maturity and the ability to consider another person’s viewpoint and, it turns out, 4-year-old children aren’t so hot at that.
( Read more... )
Hi Meghan: My 4-year-old is pushing boundaries, as she should. She’s also a fast learner. She’s taken to turning the same approaches we use on her back on us.
For example: She would not go into her room at bedtime. Parent said if she did not go into her room, she would lose one minute of screen time the next day. A few minutes later, she said if parent did not do something they had already said we would not do, parent would lose five points tomorrow. Funny, usually. But not when we say “I’m asking you to do X” or “I need you to do Y” and the response is often “No, I’M asking you to do [some unacceptable thing].”
How do we balance respecting her right for autonomy and her (frankly very good) negotiation techniques with the need for her to respect rules and do what we say when necessary?
— Mini-negotiator
Mini-negotiator: Negotiation requires not just talking through something but compromising on what you want. Sure, you can have some discussion with a 4-year-old, but compromise? That requires a good bit of maturity and the ability to consider another person’s viewpoint and, it turns out, 4-year-old children aren’t so hot at that.
( Read more... )