(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Miss Manners: What is the protocol in responding to a “joke” that is repeated ad nauseam?

I have a co-worker who says, each and every time she returns from the office restroom, “Gee, I forgot my coat and gloves!” or “I forgot to bring my parka!” or some other inane comment referencing the temperature of the bathroom.
Yes, it is cold in our office bathroom. I don't think my co-workers and I should have to politely smile/laugh/agree with her every single day, multiple times per day. The obvious solution is to ignore her, which I do.

My co-workers are much more genteel than I am, and they smile/chuckle/nod in agreement, then roll their eyes and complain when she isn't around.

Perhaps there is some clever thing to say to put an end to it?

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Two letters involving the possibility of converting religion for a romantic partner

[conuly]

1. Dear Prudence,

I’m a 31-year-old female living in Chicago who happened to fall in love with an Orthodox Jewish man. I was raised Catholic in the south. We met at work, began as friends, and that friendship blossomed into a very loving, supportive relationship that I honestly never saw coming. Part of that is because I was completely closed off from love. In my 29 years before I started dating him, I never dated anyone. I had the strongest of the strongest walls up. Completely cut off from anyone that gave me anything close to intimacy. Then came him. He slowly broke down my walls, and I learned how to love, how to be there in a relationship, and how to find myself in a relationship. He treats me extremely well, loves my family, and wants to marry me.

We’ve been dating for a year a half at this point, and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I should probably convert. I kosher-ized my kitchen, I’ve eaten at all Kosher restaurants, I’m reading all the required books for Orthodox conversion, and I am understanding more and more about Judaism. He’s met everyone in my family, come to family events, and come home with me multiple times (I live hours away from my family). I’ve met his brothers on basically one occasion and never met his father. His mother passed away two years ago. I don’t get to attend his family holidays, as I’m not Jewish.

I lost my best friend of 15 years when I started this relationship. She didn’t agree that I should take the risk, and didn’t like the difference in privacy that she and I had as I navigated this first-time relationship. She struggles with her own boundary issues that I think came into play during this new time of friendship.

So my question is this: Do I convert? My life would look different. I wouldn’t eat at the same restaurants, wouldn’t celebrate the same holidays, wouldn’t attend the same (two) religious services I grew up going to each year. I would make Shabbos each Friday evening, not using my phone or any other electricity for 25 hours every weekend. All for a man I love so dearly. So do I do it? Do I make the next step? What are your thoughts?

—Do I Convert

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2. Dear Prudence,

I met the woman I thought I’d spend my life with, and we were together for four years. As we got older and her extended family died and we started talking about kids, she became much more religious. Her religion passes through the maternal line, and so she says it’s very important for her as part of the family. She eventually gave me an ultimatum: Convert or break up. I love her, but I’m an atheist and the best I would be able to do is lie my way through, which is a bad foundation for marriage. We broke up and it’s been two years, but I still miss her. Recently she reached out and said she’d changed her mind and wants to try again, and I don’t have to convert. I don’t even know how to start thinking about this. What should I do?

—Second Time Is or Isn’t a Charm

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Is this some thing about being Very Cool Dad or what????

[oursin]

Can it be safe for my five-year-old granddaughter to ride pillion on her dad’s motorbike?

My daughter’s ex-husband has decided that it is safe to take my granddaughter (who is just five) on the back of his motorcycle. He has parental responsibility and there is no prescribed lower age limit (which staggers me), but I cannot believe she has the strength or concentration to hold on safely.

I tried a reasonable and measured approach of asking him to consider the safety, but he stood by his rights to do as he pleased and threatened action against my daughter should we take things further.

I know that probably the only thing I can do is let the matter lie, but the very thought of what might happen is affecting my sleep and mental health. I have no idea where to go next or what the competing risks in escalation might be.

( This is a really tricky situation )