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Hoping this letter is fake!
Jul. 20th, 2024 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Care and Feeding,
I have three adult children, and I don’t know what to do about my youngest, Rita. My husband and I were educators, so we had high expectations. Our first two children excelled academically on their own. They transferred from public to private school and attended the Ivy Leagues for undergraduate and graduate school. Rita did not, and she stayed in public school for K-12, college, and graduate school.
My husband and I used a rewards system. Anytime my kids wanted something, we required a minimum 3.5 GPA. That’s how my other two kids got private school, trips abroad, tutors, sports camps, a new bicycle, etc. (Rita didn’t, specifically a tutor, because she wouldn’t meet our requirements. My husband said Rita will use any special accommodation to avoid schoolwork.) Those opportunities propelled my first two kids to marry into wealthy families and obtain lucrative jobs.
Rita did well until fourth grade. I wondered if a learning disability was present because she tried but constantly failed. My husband, her teachers, and our doctor said she was lazy and unmotivated. My therapist, who saw her too, said girls couldn’t get ADHD. My husband insisted on keeping the same rewards system for Rita, especially when she begged us to stop the bullying at school. He felt that bullying would be the ultimate motivation for her to improve, but she didn’t.
Fast-forward: Soon after Rita’s 50th birthday, she was diagnosed with ADHD. My husband and other kids don’t believe it. I’m skeptical. Rita said we punished her for behaviors she couldn’t help, and the only reason her siblings did well is because we rewarded them for being neurotypical. She says we never truly helped her. We tried to help her, but ultimately Rita was solely responsible for her achievements, just like my other two kids.
Rita’s relationship with us was already distant, and now it’s nearly non-existent. She won’t talk to her siblings. She says she should get a bigger share of her inheritance because we gave her siblings a lot of money but not her. (Although that’s true, I don’t want to punish the other two.) How can I get Rita to understand we did the best we could? I can’t change the past, and I miss my grandkids.
—We Didn’t Know!
( Read more... )
I have three adult children, and I don’t know what to do about my youngest, Rita. My husband and I were educators, so we had high expectations. Our first two children excelled academically on their own. They transferred from public to private school and attended the Ivy Leagues for undergraduate and graduate school. Rita did not, and she stayed in public school for K-12, college, and graduate school.
My husband and I used a rewards system. Anytime my kids wanted something, we required a minimum 3.5 GPA. That’s how my other two kids got private school, trips abroad, tutors, sports camps, a new bicycle, etc. (Rita didn’t, specifically a tutor, because she wouldn’t meet our requirements. My husband said Rita will use any special accommodation to avoid schoolwork.) Those opportunities propelled my first two kids to marry into wealthy families and obtain lucrative jobs.
Rita did well until fourth grade. I wondered if a learning disability was present because she tried but constantly failed. My husband, her teachers, and our doctor said she was lazy and unmotivated. My therapist, who saw her too, said girls couldn’t get ADHD. My husband insisted on keeping the same rewards system for Rita, especially when she begged us to stop the bullying at school. He felt that bullying would be the ultimate motivation for her to improve, but she didn’t.
Fast-forward: Soon after Rita’s 50th birthday, she was diagnosed with ADHD. My husband and other kids don’t believe it. I’m skeptical. Rita said we punished her for behaviors she couldn’t help, and the only reason her siblings did well is because we rewarded them for being neurotypical. She says we never truly helped her. We tried to help her, but ultimately Rita was solely responsible for her achievements, just like my other two kids.
Rita’s relationship with us was already distant, and now it’s nearly non-existent. She won’t talk to her siblings. She says she should get a bigger share of her inheritance because we gave her siblings a lot of money but not her. (Although that’s true, I don’t want to punish the other two.) How can I get Rita to understand we did the best we could? I can’t change the past, and I miss my grandkids.
—We Didn’t Know!
( Read more... )