Why are men

[conuly]

I am a woman in perimenopause. I struggle with brain fog, among other symptoms. In conversation, I sometimes explain what’s going on while it’s happening: “Ugh, I am struggling to remember the right word. It’s one of the symptoms of my perimenopause.” Verbalizing my experience helps me to relax and stay open during the interaction. I have noticed a trend, though: Male friends and co-workers — no women, so far — often respond with some version of: “No, that’s not what’s going on with you.” I want to say something that draws attention to the fact that they have just inserted themselves where they don’t belong. Any suggestions?

N.

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have four kids, all homeschooled. They are all straight-A students, very involved in various activities or passions, and the lights of our lives. Academics have always been very important to us, especially my husband. It’s not about the grades or the prestige of being able to tell the other parents “my kid’s a doctor!”, it’s about seeing them succeed and be financially independent from us. Our educational method worked! Our kids are happy and successful so far. The oldest two, “Caeden” (20M) and “Aimee” (18F) are in college, studying to be a surgeon and a criminal lawyer respectively. Our youngest two, “Brooklyn” (15F), and “Erin” (13F) are still figuring out what they want to do with their lives.

For Brooklyn’s freshman year, I encouraged her to look at degree plans, take community college classes, and check out internships for fields she might want to go into. I know there are a lot of things open to high schoolers in our state, and I wanted her to take full advantage. She is taking a plethora of community college courses right now, and she has plans to intern with a psychologist and a nurse practitioner next summer. She wants to potentially be a psychiatric nurse practitioner, which makes my husband very happy. He places a large amount of respect on the medical, engineering, and law fields. He’s now turning to Erin to see how we can help her figure out her passion. Erin has always been very advanced for her age, far beyond the normal 13-year-olds. She’s taking two community college courses right now! We haven’t pushed her into this, she is just naturally motivated to get after it. I love this about her. She’s always had an interest in art that went beyond a love of drawing, and after taking her first summer art class at the community college, she now wants to be an artist.

I love that she discovered this about herself at a young age, but my husband isn’t so happy. He says that art is a hobby, not a job. He thinks that you cannot make a career out of art. Huh? The entire reason we’re homeschooling our kids this way is so they can pursue ANY passion of theirs, not just what they feel like they have to do. Unfortunately, my husband thinks that Erin will grow out of her “phase.” Erin stubbornly insists that she wants to do art, and I’ve been backing her. He doesn’t understand that people can do jobs outside of nursing or law, and he has started bullying Brooklyn into telling her sister “what a real job looks like.” Brooklyn has panic attacks regularly because he’s been cornering her and yelling at her. I’ve had numerous talks with my husband, but nothing seems to get through. How can I help my husband realize that Erin’s passion is worth our acceptance and respect?

—Art Is a Career!

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