One column, two sets of bad parents

[conuly]

1. Dear Care and Feeding,

I have three kids: two girls and a boy. My oldest daughter is my biological daughter and our younger two are adopted. My oldest, “Annie,” was 3 years old when we adopted her sister and 6 when we adopted her brother. When Annie was 2, we took her to Disneyland. All three kids have been to Disney World, but only Annie has been to DL. My other daughter is turning 10 this year and my son has been having some medical problems, so we’d like to take the two of them on a fun trip for their birthdays. We would take them during the offseason (fall) to save money.
If I took Annie, it would cost more, and since Annie is in middle school it would be a lot more work to make up. Is it okay to leave Annie behind since she’s already been? I know life isn’t supposed to be fair, but it seems weird to leave a kid behind, even if it’s only for a long weekend. Thoughts?

—Three Kids, One Vacation

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2. Dear Care and Feeding,

I am devastated to discover that my kids feel uncomfortable being around me when I am stressed out. I have a nervous personality and like all moms, I worry. I recently overheard two of my kids (13F and 16M) talking about me, and I was shocked by what I heard. The kids were saying that they can’t be around me when I’m in an anxious mood. They claimed that when I’m in that state, I “act intensely upset like someone experiencing something catastrophic,” I “seem like I’m about to snap,” I “act like a tsunami is coming when we’re out of milk.” My daughter said that she is uncomfortable to be around me when I’m nervous because it rubs off on her and makes her feel afraid and my son, who is the oldest child, said that he realized “in elementary school” that he has to solve his problems on his own so that he didn’t “set me off.”

This is how I’ve always been, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m not a good pretender. If I feel something, there’s no hiding it. I am deeply hurt that my kids choose to believe that they have to walk on eggshells around me, but this is who I am. Even though I want my kids to feel happy around me, it feels unfair that my kids expect me to change myself so drastically for their comfort. I would never ask the same of them. Do I really just have to stuff down my feelings to please my kids?

—Too Many Feels

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https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/05/disney-trip-care-and-feeding.html

(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: One of my dear friends is Christian. She knows I'm Jewish. I don't expect her to acknowledge many of the Jewish holidays because I'm sure she's unfamiliar with them. However, Hanukkah is ubiquitous, and it would be nice if she would wish me a "Happy Hanukkah."

Every year, she wishes me a "Merry Christmas," buys me a Christmas gift and a Christmas card. She's a truly nice person, and I don't think she's deliberately being dismissive or insensitive. I have mentioned this to her several times over the years, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Without insulting her or seeming ungrateful, how can I let her know this bothers me? -- OBSERVANT IN OHIO

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