Some LGBTQ+ letters

[conuly]

1. Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m the mom of a 30-year-old, and widowed. I married my husband because we were friends, and I felt like it was expected (I grew up Catholic). I knew young that I was romantically interested in women and not men, but I didn’t want to be. It was hard, and I was uncomfortable with the whole topic, as was my husband. We did not talk about gay topics in my kid’s childhood; it was the 1990s!

Now, two years after my husband’s death, I’ve started dating a wonderful woman. My child has always been pretty liberal. I didn’t anticipate it causing any problems, but when I visited and came out, they bitterly accused me of lying their whole childhood, and then announced that they were trans and had been hiding it from me for a decade because of my attitudes when they were growing up.

I was shocked by the reception I got, and said some hurtful things.

It’s been two months, and we haven’t spoken since, even though I’ve reached out with emails/calls/texts. I feel like we have more in common than ever, and this is an opportunity to be honest and close together, but somehow, it’s the opposite. How do I move forward here when my own closeted pain in the 1990s is hurting my child today?

—Out and Sad

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2. Dear Care and Feeding,


I (17F) identify as a lesbian and have for a few years now. I have come out to my parents, younger sister and one of my close friends. Coming out to my sister and friend went just about as well as it could have. They were both very supportive, non-judgmental and kind.

My parents, however, were a slightly different story. I came out to them when I wasn’t exactly ready for it, due to a combination of factors. They were very skeptical about whether what I was saying was true, and there was a strong “it’s just a phase” mentality. They were also somewhat upset that I had been “wasting time” by watching videos and reading articles about something that they consider to be irrelevant. For the record, I was never concerned that my parents were intensely homophobic and would kick me out of the house, but I didn’t know how accepting they would be. I would rate them as a tolerance/acceptance on the Riddle scale.

Since I talked to them (about a year ago), we’ve never spoken about homosexuality pertaining to me personally, but I am very vocal about my support of social movements like BLM and gay rights, and we’ve had non-confrontational discussions about it. It feels like my parents are willing to accept that other people can be gay, but not their own child. Coming from my parents, who have always been supportive of me, it hurts that they seemingly cannot come to terms with another part of my identity. My mom keeps comparing me to friends who have boyfriends and referencing a potential future husband, which is incredibly frustrating.

Other than this, I have a great relationship with my parents, and they fully support me in everything else. This is a few years down the line of course, but my relatively reserved, incredibly self-conscious self is terrified of introducing a future girlfriend to my parents. Is there anything I can do to make my parents a bit more accepting, or at least make me comfortable enough to stop referring to a future partner in gender-neutral pronouns?

—I Don’t Want a Husband!

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3. DEAR NATALIE: I have been with my wife for 37 years and I love our companionship, but there is something I’m really struggling with. We have not been intimate in a while, and emotionally, I feel as though we are like siblings – close family, who I love very much, but something is not right. My adult son recently came out as gay and I am so proud of him. She is having a hard time with this, because she has always hoped for children from him and a traditional family landscape. He is our only child. This is bringing up a lot for me. He told us he has been out to his friends for a lot longer, and I was not surprised by this. But what I was surprised by, is that as soon as he came out to us, I started to feel almost envious of him and his freedom to make the choices he wants based on his heart’s desire. Now, I’m not sure that I’m gay, but I feel there is something worth exploring here. I have no idea how to talk to my wife about this, and I’m not sure how my son would feel if I talked to him about it either. Help! – QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS

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And two letters from Harriette....

[conuly]

1. DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has barely reached puberty, and he already has very strong underarm odor. I am afraid to have him wear deodorant at a young age, but he needs something. I have heard such bad things about antiperspirants and cancer. I don't want to introduce his body to anything that may harm him, but we have to do something. What do you recommend? -- Smelly Pits

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2. DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that my friend's 19-year-old daughter is posting explicit content on a subscription-based website. My friend is not aware of her daughter's activities, and I am afraid that she will be devastated if she finds out. I don't want to cause any drama or harm their relationship, but at the same time, I don't feel comfortable staying silent. I also worry about the potential consequences that this could have on the daughter's future and reputation. What should I do? Should I talk to my friend about what I found, or should I stay quiet? -- Tricky Situation

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