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Oh, wow, LW sounds insufferable
Apr. 16th, 2023 08:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly1. Dear Annie: My husband of 34 years has become increasingly disappointed in our 30-year-old son. He and my son have had a rocky relationship, as my husband sees the world through opportunity and is always working toward improvement (which makes him a great engineer), but this also means he has expectations that rarely get met by the people in his life, including me. He is like a dog with a bone when he tries to convince people to his way of thinking.
Our son has some character traits and behaviors that he and I both don't like. Our son has a couple beers a day (husband and I don't drink). He has -- in our opinion -- ignorant thoughts on politics, is sometimes unreliable (shows up late) and still plays video games. He has had many relationships with women that all last under a year. Our son, however, maintains a job with increasing responsibilities and is financially secure, as he owns a home and pays his bills. He has many friends, and I hear often from strangers about what a loyal friend he is. I work professionally in similar circles and hear that he goes above and beyond. He has never been fired. In fact, he is sought after. He calls me every couple of days just to see how I am doing.
Bottom line, my husband is very angry with me that I don't try to enlighten my son to help him be a better person. While I will always give my son advice WHEN ASKED, I feel that my child-rearing days are done. My husband won't let up on me about this, and it has affected our relationship. Do I do as my husband asked to keep peace between the two of us, even though I don't agree with him? -- Between a Rock and a Hard Place
( Read more... )
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2. DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my husband was still a kid he found out he is color blind. He sees color, as he explains it, just not the way non-color blind people do. If I show him something that’s green or red, he knows which is which, but they are not the way I see them.
Because of his color-deficient vision I can’t let him go clothes shopping by himself because what he thinks is fine can be anything but, and he is not allowed a say in the paint colors I pick for our home.
He says this means I’m trying to be controlling and treating him like a child, but I just have an idea of how I want my house to look and I don’t want him to be embarrassed if he dresses in a weird ensemble.
Does this make me controlling, or just concerned? --- NOT COLOR BLIND
( Read more... )
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3. Dear Care and Feeding,
My girlfriend is pregnant, and we’re ecstatic. I am committed to being an active father and partner and have been going with her to all her doctor’s appointments, buying all the books, and doing all the online research for pregnancy to gather resources for her. The problem is this has always kind of been our dynamic, and now I can see what a big issue it is when I can’t just do something for her.
Her doctor and all the research say she should be exercising during pregnancy, and she simply will not. She has always committed to a diet or exercise regimen and then given it up after getting bored. She’s gotten into yoga, running, Zumba, Peloton, Pilates, weight lifting, etc., and bought equipment and cute outfits, only to never follow through. She has done everything from diets to cutting out food groups to juice cleanses. Nothing has ever stuck, and I just saw it as one of her quirks until now. She doesn’t want to move more than the bed to the living room (she works from home) and only eats premade meals.
I have no problem doing all the cooking while she’s pregnant, but she doesn’t want my healthy meals, she wants to order Mcdonald’s. She gets offended and tells me I can’t tell her what to do with her body, but she chose to be pregnant, and now her choices are affecting our baby. She keeps trying to make it seem like I’m being the jerk who doesn’t want his girlfriend to gain weight, but I know and am looking forward to weight gain, since this means the baby is growing and thriving. I am not talking about weight, or appearance at all, but the baby’s health.
I tell her this all the time, but she tells me I can’t tell her how to be pregnant, but also that this baby is as much mine as it is hers and I need to be there for her and our kid, in the same breath. How do I get her to be healthy for our baby when she’s even less motivated to be healthy than before?
—Healthy Concern
( Read more... )
Our son has some character traits and behaviors that he and I both don't like. Our son has a couple beers a day (husband and I don't drink). He has -- in our opinion -- ignorant thoughts on politics, is sometimes unreliable (shows up late) and still plays video games. He has had many relationships with women that all last under a year. Our son, however, maintains a job with increasing responsibilities and is financially secure, as he owns a home and pays his bills. He has many friends, and I hear often from strangers about what a loyal friend he is. I work professionally in similar circles and hear that he goes above and beyond. He has never been fired. In fact, he is sought after. He calls me every couple of days just to see how I am doing.
Bottom line, my husband is very angry with me that I don't try to enlighten my son to help him be a better person. While I will always give my son advice WHEN ASKED, I feel that my child-rearing days are done. My husband won't let up on me about this, and it has affected our relationship. Do I do as my husband asked to keep peace between the two of us, even though I don't agree with him? -- Between a Rock and a Hard Place
( Read more... )
2. DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my husband was still a kid he found out he is color blind. He sees color, as he explains it, just not the way non-color blind people do. If I show him something that’s green or red, he knows which is which, but they are not the way I see them.
Because of his color-deficient vision I can’t let him go clothes shopping by himself because what he thinks is fine can be anything but, and he is not allowed a say in the paint colors I pick for our home.
He says this means I’m trying to be controlling and treating him like a child, but I just have an idea of how I want my house to look and I don’t want him to be embarrassed if he dresses in a weird ensemble.
Does this make me controlling, or just concerned? --- NOT COLOR BLIND
( Read more... )
3. Dear Care and Feeding,
My girlfriend is pregnant, and we’re ecstatic. I am committed to being an active father and partner and have been going with her to all her doctor’s appointments, buying all the books, and doing all the online research for pregnancy to gather resources for her. The problem is this has always kind of been our dynamic, and now I can see what a big issue it is when I can’t just do something for her.
Her doctor and all the research say she should be exercising during pregnancy, and she simply will not. She has always committed to a diet or exercise regimen and then given it up after getting bored. She’s gotten into yoga, running, Zumba, Peloton, Pilates, weight lifting, etc., and bought equipment and cute outfits, only to never follow through. She has done everything from diets to cutting out food groups to juice cleanses. Nothing has ever stuck, and I just saw it as one of her quirks until now. She doesn’t want to move more than the bed to the living room (she works from home) and only eats premade meals.
I have no problem doing all the cooking while she’s pregnant, but she doesn’t want my healthy meals, she wants to order Mcdonald’s. She gets offended and tells me I can’t tell her what to do with her body, but she chose to be pregnant, and now her choices are affecting our baby. She keeps trying to make it seem like I’m being the jerk who doesn’t want his girlfriend to gain weight, but I know and am looking forward to weight gain, since this means the baby is growing and thriving. I am not talking about weight, or appearance at all, but the baby’s health.
I tell her this all the time, but she tells me I can’t tell her how to be pregnant, but also that this baby is as much mine as it is hers and I need to be there for her and our kid, in the same breath. How do I get her to be healthy for our baby when she’s even less motivated to be healthy than before?
—Healthy Concern
( Read more... )